


Life Has A Way

by JagoOrgana



Series: How Many Lives [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Car Accidents, Death, Destiny, Drama & Romance, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Description, Happy Ending, Humanitarian!Clarke, Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Philanthropist!Lexa, Soulmates, Spanking, Trauma, True Love, True love through time, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-01-05 12:15:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12189813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JagoOrgana/pseuds/JagoOrgana
Summary: After Clarke's parents are killed overseas, she and her best friend, Raven, move from Texas to New York. It's there that Clarke realizes that life has a funny way of intertwining people's lives far beyond what she could possibly have imagined.Soulmate AU





	1. The Beginning

Jake and Abby, Clarke’s beloved father and mother, never forgot to send their daughter a bouquet of Camellias on her birthday despite both of them being surgeons traveling with Doctors Without Borders. Jake and Abby desperately wanted children so Clarke hadn’t exactly been a surprise. But after the war in the Middle East, they felt it was their duty to help the displaced and trapped immigrants in any way they could. They understood it would be tough on their daughter so they worked very hard to make sure Clarke knew she was loved and was missed greatly. 

This all started when Clarke was about six years old. Howard and Lillian, the young girl’s grandparents, became her primary caregivers in the months her parents were overseas. At first, they made Clarke feel like she was on a vacation staying at “grandma and grandpa’s house”. Soon she was spending more time with them than her own parents. Howard and Lillian lived in a small town in Texas called Orange. They lived in the refurbished schoolhouse across from the old and for a long time only fire station in their small city. While Clarke was at school, Lillian worked as a seamstress and had her own shop in the back of the house. Howard was already retired but he had a shed he would disappear into at times and come out hours later with a new whittled toy for Clarke. 

When Clarke would come home from school, Howard would help her with her homework. Afterwards, he’d go back to his HUGE green leather recliner and stay there until dinner. No one was allowed to sit in his chair - except Clarke. One morning, when Clarke first started living with them, she woke up sad and missing her mom and dad. Her feet pattered into the living room and, without asking, she crawled up into Howard’s lap. She sweetly nuzzled between the armrest and his old belly, then fell asleep with the scent of tobacco and the peppermints he kept in his shirt pocket in her nose. From that moment on, Howard always called her his “sweet baby girl” with his old, thick Texas drawl. She called him Grandpa How-woo because she couldn’t pronounce 'Howard' - it stuck all these years. 

Lillian taught Clarke practical things like how to cook, how to patch a hole in a shirt, how to spot a rare baseball card, and that Craig Biggio was the greatest catcher the Houston Astros ever had. She also taught Clarke how to properly shuffle a deck of cards and how to play poker with the rest of the “Over 60” poker crowd. Clarke soon became wiser than her years, a real “spitfire” the old folks would call her. 

On the weekends, Lillian and Clarke would walk down to the local bakery shop and split a chocolate milk and a donut. On the weekdays, after homework and chores, they’d walk across the street and say hello to the firefighters or they’d walk up the road and feed the neighbor's horses some carrots - as long as they were home in time for 6 o'clock Jeopardy. 

There wasn’t a local pool so when 8-year-old Clarke asked to go swimming, Howard went out to his shed, grabbed a large bucket, filled it with some water from the water hose and said, “There you go. There’s your pool.” Clarke stared at the man like he was a damn fool. She placed her hand on her hip, cocked it out to the side and said, “How do you expect me to swim in that, mister!?” Howard fixed that little girl with a steely gaze and rubbed his long white beard, “Well smartass, you figure it out.” 

He walked inside, grabbed Lillian and they snuck to the nearby window to watch and see what Clarke would do. Clarke walked in circles around the bucket and huffed and puffed for a minute, folding her arms and grunting. “Oh, Howard, why do you tease her like that?” Lillian begged but couldn’t hold back a smile at their sassy granddaughter.

“She’s a scrawny little thing. She’s smart. She’ll make it work.” He chuckled. 

Clarke finally threw her hands up in exasperation and then braced the bucket before sticking her foot in. She winced at the chilly temperature but finally plunged herself right in. Her whole body fit inside the bucket. Only her head bobbed at the top. Lillian and Howard died laughing. Lillian slapped her husband on the arm and said, “Go buy that girl a damn pool!” 

He did but Clarke always preferred the bucket.

One Saturday afternoon, Clarke had just turned 9. Lillian and Clarke were playing with Clarke’s dolls. Clarke told her grandmother that Barbie was getting married to Kelly and Lillian’s eyebrows raised, “Barbie is in love with Kelly, huh?”

“Yeah, duh. Why else would they be getting married?” Clarke looked at her like the older woman had grown a third head. 

“Ok. You’re absolutely right. I just wanted to make sure. Who is going to walk Barbie down the aisle?”

“Grandpa How-woo, obviously.”

Lillian paused. While Howard would be honored to walk their granddaughter down the aisle, she saw Clarke growing more detached from her parents. They were gone for 9 to 10 months out of every year since Clarke was 5 years old. The few months they were home, were simply not enough. This was the last straw. She hated seeing how lonely Clarke was and how deeply this was affecting her when other kids talked about their mom’s and dads. This had to end. The girl needed her real parents around. 

The next afternoon, Lillian was working in her shop when the phone rang. It was Abby and Jake’s boss. Their plane had been shot down when they were transferring to another location. Her whole body went numb, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t respond. Howard lept up from his chair when he hard Lillian scream. They lost their daughter and their son-in-law but their grandbaby lost both of her parents in one fell swoop. 

Clarke was a stone at the funeral. So many people she didn’t know were sobbing and putting their hands on her. Clarke remembers feeling cold, feeling devoid of any emotion she thought would be typical of a child who just lost their parents in a war. Howard and Lillian were very careful around her, waiting for the bottom to fall out, they knew it would. 

When they got back to the house, Clarke had gone straight to her room and gently closed the door. She sat on the edge of her bed and watched the raindrops collide into each other on the window. She imagined if she were an ant, these cascading raindrops would sound like a torrential wave careening down the glass, barrelling into her, and carrying her off and away from her little ant family. 

Howard placed a soft hand on his wife’s shoulder and nodded. He slowly entered the girl’s room. “Hey, baby girl…” She didn’t look away from the window. With a loud squeak, he sat on the bed beside her and put a warm arm around her shoulders. “What are you feeling, darlin?”

“I didn’t know them, How-woo…” Clarke begins to sniffle just before she breaks down, “Now they will never know me!” She turned and buried her face into her grandfather’s neck and held on tightly as she choked and gasped through her sobs. Tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes. “Your mama and your daddy love you. They worked so hard to help build a world that was safe and fair and loving for everybody in it. They wanted to help build a world that deserved you.”

**\- 14 Years Later -**

Clarke stayed in Orange, Texas, with her grandparents through high school and then went to Texas A&M to study Agricultural Science. While at college, she met her best friend Raven Reyes who was studying Aerospace Engineering. They met when they were rushing for Sigma Kappa and they both wanted to go into the medical field but quickly realized it wasn’t for either of them. 

Raven didn’t have much of a home life so Lillian and Howard quickly adopted her as a surrogate granddaughter. Raven and Clarke drove down to Orange at least twice a month to help out around the house (mowing, cleaning, etc.), the things their grandparents were getting too old to do. Raven was more than happy to go along with Clarke because she loved feeling like she belonged somewhere and being reminded that she did have a family who wanted her around. 

Howard and Lillian made the 3 ½ hour trek to watch the girls graduate. After their ceremony, Raven and Lillian looked at all of Raven’s options for graduate school. They carefully weighed the pros and cons of each. Lillian enjoyed how practical and intellectual the young latina girl was but most of all, she thoroughly enjoyed Raven’s biting sarcasm. Clarke always said, “If Grandma was twenty years younger, we’d be bailing them both out of jail every weekend.” 

Howard placed his hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “Take this old man for a walk to stretch his legs.” Clarke knew this was code for, “I want to talk to you while your grandmother is distracted.” They went downstairs and walked through the hotel lobby and began walking down a small sidewalk that led to a nearby lake. After about twenty minutes of silence, Howard finally spoke, “What is your plan for the rest of your life, sweet girl?” 

“Jesus! How-woo! Way to put pressure on a kid! I just graduated TODAY.” 

He chuckled and smiled beneath his large Santa Claus-like beard. “You’re not a kid anymore and I don’t want you to feel rushed but it’s getting about that time you need to decide who you want to be and what you want to do. Is it more school? Do you want to travel for a year?”

Clarke smiled, “Those sound nice but they also require money - a lot of it.” 

“I know that! You think I don’t know that?” He smiled at her, “Dream with me. This old man is all out of time for dreams so I need to live vicariously through you.” 

Clarke hesitated. There was something in his tone of voice, almost, cheerfully forlorn. “I - I guess… I guess I have always wanted to own a flower shop. A small shop on a corner in a small district of a large city. London, Portland, Chicago…” She turned her face up towards her grandfather, “I guess all those flowers from mom and dad left an impression on me.” 

A single tear streamed down Howard’s face. He reached for his granddaughter’s hand and pulled her to a stop. He placed his large, worn hands on either side of her face, “Baby girl, your parents would be so proud of the young woman you have become. You are fierce and you are loyal. You care deeply about your friends and family and you don’t allow anyone to settle for less than what they deserve. I am so proud of you and I am so grateful to have known you.”

That last sentence was an arrow through her heart. It’s what she had wished for on the day she buried her parents. She jumped into her grandfather’s arms and hugged him around his neck. They stayed like that and silently cried into each other’s arms for several minutes. They finally pulled apart and smiled while wiping each other’s tears.

“I’ve got something for you…” He reached into his shirt pocket and handed her a letter.

“You didn’t have to, you know. You and grandma already helped me out so much with school!”

“It’s - it’s not from us…” He pursed his lips together and Clarke looked at him with a blank expression. “When you parents passed, there was quite a bit of insurance money that came to us. Since they hadn’t formally bequeathed the money to you in their will, it came to us. We received checks from the state to help pay for any expenses since legally you are listed as an orphan so we invested the money for you and saved it all...” Clarke just stared.

“...I think you should use it to open that flower shop.” 

Clarke’s looked at how much money the check was for and her hands began to shake. It was enough to open a shop anywhere and THEN SOME. “I - I don’t know what to say… Wow. Thank you! Thank you!” She hugged his neck again.

“It wasn’t us. This is from your parents. I know they would’ve wanted you to use it fulfill your dreams. Now you can open up your shop or paint full time or travel the world eight times over. You can do it all. You deserve it.” He kissed the side of her head and they held each other for just a moment longer before heading back to the hotel room. 

Raven and Lillian settled on NYU. It would be expensive to live there but they had a strong science program and offered her more money that some of the other universities. Lillian said her vote for NYU was biased simply because she had always wanted to visit but was never able. Raven knew it was because they became parents again to a 5-year-old while in their late 50’s. Raven promised to fly Lillian and Howard to New York the moment she was settled. 

Clarke and her grandfather came through the door and she immediately ran into Lillian’s arms and hugged her neck. She whispered, “Thank you for giving me a happy life.” Lillian started to cry and jokingly pushed Clarke away from her and said, “You’re trying to make me cry on purpose and that is not fair!” 

Raven smiled at her little adoptive family and Clarke turned to look at her and said, “Where are we moving?” 

“What do you mean?” Raven asked.

“I mean what I said. I’m coming with you! Now, where are we going?” Clarke insisted.

“NEW YORK!” Lillian shouted.

All the girls started screaming and jumping up and down, this included Lillian. Howard winced and covered his ears. “Doggone it! Y’all better pipe down before they send the police over thinking I murdered all of you.”

“Aww! They’d never think you could kill anyone How-woo! You’re too soft looking. Lillian on the other hand….” Raven spoke and Lillian slapped her upside the head and they all chuckled. 

**\- 4 Years Later -**

Clarke’s crystal blue eyes surveyed the city streets from inside her her newly opened flower shop, her “glass castle” as she called it. She watched raindrop after raindrop slide down the broad windows of her shop as she caressed the raised scar on her chest. She was lost in her memories; the memory of her parents funeral, the freak car accident she was in less than 6 months after moving to New York. She reminisced about how her life had unfolded and brought her to where she is today. 

She opened her shop in Greenwich Village in New York. It was the perfect location for her and Raven. They shared a very nice apartment nearby that allowed Raven to walk to school and for Clarke to walk to work. She had gotten over most of her anxiety in regards to riding in vehicles but vowed to never get behind the wheel herself. 

After two years, Raven received her Master’s and immediately started on her doctoral thesis while simultaneously serving as an undergraduate professor at the university. Clarke’s flower shop has been successful and has afforded her, what she felt, to be a very privileged income. To others in the Manhattan area, it would probably seem meager. 

Once the shop was set up and doing well, Clarke met with a financial manager who helped her invest the rest of her assets in various companies. She made enough money off those investments alone to live comfortably in Manhattan but she continued to live a simple and quiet life. After all, she was a gentle, sweet Texan girl at heart - and she’d had enough trauma in her life. 

Well, gentle and sweet Monday through Friday. ‘Party Girl Griffin’ still showed her ugly face every now and again. 

But that day was slow and ordinary like any other. She cradled her fresh cup of coffee and watched some of the locals walk home with their umbrellas perched over their heads. Clarke was surrounded by the natural beauty of flowers and she was in a really good place in her life. She was going to therapy to deal with issues resulting from the accident and that was going very well. However, she could not shake this feeling that everything was about to flip upside down. 

She called her grandmother later that evening and described it to her. Instead of giving her the pep talk she thought she wanted, Lillian instead said, “That’s the same feeling I got before they called me about your parents. I don’t mean to freak you out but us Griffin women have a sense of these things - these big, life-altering changes… No matter what, trust your gut, Clarke.”

It wasn’t the advice Clarke expected but it allowed her to hunker down and feel a bit more rooted - a bit more prepared for whatever this looming feeling would turn out to be. She felt like if something did come her way she wouldn’t be swept off her feet. Unfortunately, that was just a feeling and despite how prepared she thought she might be, she was absolutely about to be swept off her feet - hard. 


	2. The Day Clarke Thought Her Life Had Changed

Two weeks flew by and nothing had happened. Clarke’s stomach began to settle, believing there wasn’t a single thing looming over her. She was wrong. It was another rainy day and the bell on the door signaled the entrance of a tall, slender figure. The person's face was shielded by the high-collared raincoat.

“Hello - welcome to my shop. Is there anything, in particular, I can help you -” Clarke was immediately caught off guard by the dark, mesmerizing emerald eyes that looked back at her. Clarke’s mouth hung ajar and her eyebrows were raised conspicuously high. 

“Oh - um - I didn’t mean to startle you,” the brunette lowered her umbrella and blew out the last remaining bit of cold air she brought in with her from the February frost outside. 

“You didn’t… startle me,” Clarke replied sharply. 

“Okay, well, you just look surprised is all,” the stranger offered Clarke a knowing, crooked smirk. The longer they stared wordlessly, the more the brunette’s soft lips tightened to show a stark white smile and the slightest dimple on her left cheek. Her jaw was sharp and her features were severe but she had the largest, most beautiful eyes. She was soft but commanding, gentle yet stern.

_ Jesus Clarke! Get it together!  _

Clarke cleared her throat and fixed the dumbfounded look on her face, “Oh, right, yes, sorry. I just didn’t expect anyone today. It’s been so ugly and frigid outside. Bad weather tends to keep people indoors, I guess.” She nervously motioned towards the windows as if the stranger didn't know where the weather was located or what it was currently like outside. 

_ Clarke - this is pathetic. She’s just a goddess of a woman. You've seen goddesses before… in magazines and stuff.  _

“Uh - so what’s the occasion? What can I get for you?” Clarke tries to start over with the customer. 

“There is no occasion. I - Well, this might sound a bit strange to you but… I love the snow and the cold weather but I sometimes get raging Seasonal Affective Disorder. I like to fill my office and my house with tons of flowers and I - I pretend it is Spring - on the inside. ” The woman looked down at her shoes and blushed at her own uncharacteristic overshare. 

Clarke’s ears turned pink and she smiled sweetly at the charming woman. “I completely understand. Why else do you think I own a flower shop in Manhattan?”   
  
Another charming smile spread across the brunette's lips, “Yes, well, I guess you and I are just two peas in a pod.” The brunette’s face fell realizing what she had just said.

Clarke’s crystal blue eyes immediately found the brunette’s again. 

_ Is she… flirting with me? _

The stranger dramatically closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. “ _ This was a disaster. I am being a total disaster,”  _ she thought to herself. 

Clarke watched the woman’s skin flush the shade of a bright red tomato. Rather than embarrassing the stranger any further, Clarke chose to move past the comment, “Well, do you have a preference then?”

“In women?!” The brunette’s eyes shot open and her eyebrows heavily creased from confusion.

“N-no… in flowers…” Clarke couldn’t stop herself from audibly laughing at the stranger’s continued humiliation. 

The brunette’s hands rose to cover her face, “Oh my God. I am SO sorry. I - I don’t know what has come over me today. I can’t seem to -”

Clarke waived the girl off with a bright smile, “It’s quite alright. I’ll pick the flowers. You stand over there and… cool off.” Clarke walked away chuckling. The strange brunette just nodded heavily but could no longer manage to make eye contact with Clarke.

While Clarke was in the back room, the brunette whispered aloud to herself and paced, “What the fuck are you doing?! You’ve not been out of the game THAT long! This can’t be happening. THIS is what you do?! THIS is how you talk to a gorgeous woman?!”

*ahem*

“Hiiiiiii, so this ‘ _ gorgeous woman _ ’ has returned with a  _ ‘gorgeous’ _ bouquet wrapped in  _ ‘gorgeous’ _ brown paper and twine.” If Clarke’s smile could wrap around her entire head right now, it would - easily. 

She approached the dumbfounded customer and placed the large bouquet in her arms.

“I am SO sorry for today… I -” The woman was clearly mortified.

Clarke lifted her hand to pause the brunette. “You have done nothing but flattered me endlessly and embarrassed the hell out of yourself to my ABSOLUTE pleasure! Despite how far down your throat your foot may feel right now, I would consider letting you take me to dinner to make up for it…” Clarke’s voice trailed off like she was going to continue. 

“But?” the brunette winced. 

Clarke hesitated. She thought it was strange that her reason for stalling wasn’t because she was dating  _ “Finny Boy _ ”, as Raven so un-fondly referred to him. She hesitated because there was a flutter in her stomach that hadn’t gone away since the woman walked into her shop and she just now noticed it. 

To any outsider this pregnant pause would be very strange and probably awkward but as they looked at each other there was a comfort in their staring. No slighted eyes, no curious expressions, and there was nothing sexual about it - they just LOOKED. 

“Do you believe in destiny?” the blonde asked.   
  


The brunette’s lips thinned only slightly before a gentle smile appeared before firmly answering, “Yes, I do, absolutely.”

Clarke froze. She had no idea why she asked that question and furthermore, why the brunette didn’t run away from her crazy. Even so, Clarke was taken back even further by how sure the stranger had answered her question. 

With a voice so quiet and velvety, the brunette teased, “What do I owe you for these  _ gorgeous _ flowers?” 

Clarke blinked herself back into reality, “Uh - They're free today. You made this flower girl smile on a cold, rainy day and that's all the payment I require.”

The brunette offered the shop owner a simple smile and turned to walk away. Clarke’s heart began to thud, urging her forward, towards the stranger leaving but the woman turned back around before Clarke could build up the courage. “Look, I think it is obvious that I am incredibly attracted to you and in 5 minutes I have gone from a successful businesswoman to a 5-year-old on the playground who wants to throw dirt in your face because I think you are pretty.” Clarke barked out a laugh. “Can I at least know the name of these gorgeous flowers and their gorgeous keeper?”

Clarke’s skin flushed. “Um - they are Texas Bluebonnets. It was a warm winter so they bloomed a little early. I just got the shipment in today actually. And um - and I’m - I’m Clarke. Clarke Griffin.” 

  
“Hmm… Clarke…” The brunette felt a burning sensation in the pit of her stomach when she heard the name. There was something so intrinsically familiar about the way it rolled past her lips. Almost like she had said it a million times in another life and her tongue missed saying it. “It was very nice to meet you, Clarke, and I’m sure we'll be seeing each other again soon,” the stranger turned to leave.

“Wait - what’s your name?”   
  
The brunette chuckled before stopping in the doorway, “If this is destiny, flower girl, shouldn’t we trust that serendipity will bring us together again?” 

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from smiling even if she tried - and then the stranger was gone.

**\-- Later that evening --**

“I - I just don’t know what happened,” Clarke took a swig of her beer. 

“So let me get this straight - she walked in, made a total fool of herself, then you start talking about soulmates and shit, and then she left you drooling all over the damn place without giving you her name or her phone number?” Raven asked. 

“I wasn't drooling… but yes, essentially, that is exactly what happened… Maybe there was a little drool,” Clarke settled deeper into her best friends couch. “I just - I can't stop thinking about it. She was tragically charming but then she said we should trust that we will meet again. You think she will be coming back to the shop or that she will never come back and I have to...”

“What? Stalk her?” 

Clarke contemplated this for a moment.

Raven laughed, “You have nothing to go on! You would look like one of those creepy, old men who stare at the hot women when they walk by.”

“Oh God, I know, right? New York can be so creepy sometimes.”

Raven look the last sip of her beer, “Well, no sense in dwelling on Aphrodite when you're still dating Flannigan.”

Clarke’s eyes went wide, “Finn!”

Raven laughed heartily, “Hey! Don’t get mad at me! You are the one who forgot you had a boyfriend! Which, by the way, is too funny!” Raven turned to see Clarke grimace. “You should probably take care of that before your goddess divine shows up in your shop again.” Raven had gotten up from the couch and came back to hand Clarke another beer and offered a sympathetic look.

“Clarke, Finn is a sleaze. You've given him so many chances and now he’s coming at you with the open relationship bullshit - it’s just an excuse to keep cheating on you under the guise of having ‘permission’. You truly deserve so much better than what he's capable of offering.” 

Clarke shrugged dramatically, “I know, I know! I need to just - break it off. It's just so hard. I feel bad because he's not -”

“Nope. Nuh uh. That right there is your problem. His laziness and failure in life is NOT your responsibility. You shouldn't be with someone because you're afraid they can't stand on their own two feet without you. That's not a relationship - you're his mom, his maid, his doormat. You're not a doormat, Clarke. You're a successful, brilliant, gentle, intelligent, and independent woman. He brings you down. Period.”

“Wow - I don't think that will fit on a motivational cat poster…” 

Raven laughed and punched Clarke in the arm. 

“You ass - I mean it though,” Raven gave Clarke’s knee a squeeze. “Plus, if you break up with him, you can bang your Flower Goddess guilt-free.” 

Clarke groaned and pressed her face into one of the pillows on the couch. “She was just so prettyyyyy!”


	3. We Meet Again

Three weeks had passed since Clarke met her mystery woman. 

Two weeks had passed since she ended her relationship with Finn and got wasted at the bar with Octavia and Raven. 

Clarke felt guilty over being relieved when she finally kicked Finn out. She wanted good things for him but not at the expense of her happiness. “It is not selfish to walk away from any relationship if that relationship is causing more harm than good,” Raven had told her. Clarke knew she did the right thing for herself but couldn’t help the fact that she still felt bad. She knew the feeling would pass with time, it wasn’t the first time she had broken up with someone.

Clarke walked home from work on a chilly Thursday evening. In her hand was a huge stack of mail. She juggled her belongings around to open the door to her and Raven’s apartment and was met with warmth and spices in the air. Raven was in the kitchen cooking dinner, “Hey hey hey, welcome home Griff! I am making tacos! Hope you’re hungry!”

Clarke had set her purse and lunch bag on the floor next to the kitchen table and looked up from sifting through all the junk mail, “Oh my gosh! Yes! You know I love your tacos!” Raven stopped and slowly turned to look at Clarke with a large grin on her face. 

“NO! RAVEN! Gross! That’s not what I meant!” 

“I know you can’t stop thinking about Flower Girl but damn do you need to get laid if you’re going to start hitting on me!”

Clarke rolled her eyes and turned back to the mail in her hand. Raven was right on two counts. First, not a single day passed that Clarke hadn’t thought of the brunette but there was no way in hell the blonde would admit to being even slightly obsessed. It had been nearly a month and destiny seemed to have left her high, dry, and waiting on the curb. Secondly, it was definitely time for Clarke to get out and meet someone. 

“Hey Raven - I've been thinking - now that Finn and I are over, we should do more fun stuff.”

“Oh em gee, I LOVE fun stuff!” Raven flipped her hair while doing her best basic white girl impersonation. 

Clarke took a step into the kitchen and tried to kick Raven in the ass with her foot. The brunette dodged away but flung a spoonful of salsa on the floor. “Look what you made me do!”

“If you weren't such a bitch, there would be no mess!” Clarke laughed and watched Raven rip off a handful of paper towels. 

“You know I am down no matter what but what kind of ‘fun stuff’ did you have in mind, you ass?”

Clarke glared at her friend before finally relenting. “I got an invitation to this environmental gala event- thing a few weeks ago. It's one of the organizations I asked Bellamy to invest money in and so they have invited everyone to this fancy dinner. Finn never wanted to go to these things but I think it'd be fun to get dressed up for a good cause. Wanna be my plus one?”

“I would LOVE to be your plus one for a fancy dinner thing! Plus… this means we get to go... SHOPPING!” Raven started jumping up and down and flinging more food all over the kitchen. 

**\--- Friday Night**

Raven stepped out of her bathroom in a floor-length blue dress that barely covered her breasts and it had a slit that reached high up on her thigh. Her brown curls cascaded down around her shoulders and her lipstick was ruby red. This look might be alarmingly revealing on just about anyone else but Raven literally had the perfect boobs. She looked, as Clarke had articulately put it earlier, “sophisticatedly slutty”. 

All of Clarke’s significant others had liked her long, blonde hair but she felt it was time for a change. It was cut into a long bob and she spent an hour styling it into large, loose curls. “New Year, New Clarke” was her motto. Clarke decided to forgo a dress and instead wore black slacks that flared out a little at the bottom with pointy black heels. Her top was a white chiffon blouse with billowy sleeves, a short collar, and a thin, long black bow. 

“Clarke! Let’s see it!” Raven shouted from the living room. 

Clarke quickly whipped open her bathroom door and dramatically posed with her chin high and her fingers tucked into her pockets like she was a model.

  
“Hot damn! You look like you could cut someone's balls off and convince them to eat them at the same time!” 

“Oh God… That is quite a… compliment?” Clarke grimaced at the mental image but she was still feeling pretty damn good. She knew she looked hot. 

“Yes, definitely a compliment! Someone is going to want to take you home tonight!” Raven put her hands in the air and started dancing to no music. 

“It’s not really that kind of party, Raven, but yes, I imagine there will be tons of people who will wish they could take us both home!” Clarke looked at her watch and realized their limo would be there any moment. “Oh shit! Come on! It is time for us to go!”

After a 45-minute drive to downtown and a few makeup touches in the backseat, their driver opened the door to let them out. When they exited the limo, they both stopped to stare at the enormous building before them. 

“You think the person who runs the Woods Corporation is compensating for something?” Raven asked the exact question on Clarke's mind. “Or maybe do you think he built it to represent his massive co-”   
  
“Raven!” The brunette looked down at her blonde friend, finally noticing the red carpet and the flashing cameras. Raven’s mouth clamped shut. “I didn’t know there would be famous people here!” She whispered to the blonde.

“Me either!” The girls smiled at each other before slowly making their way up the steps, arm-in-arm, and smiling politely at the photographers.

The building was breathtaking on the inside. It was an old building but when the new CEO had taken over, the inside was renovated. Clarke was amazed. Everything was so elegant and romantic. There were swooping arches and ornate details on the columns and on the molding that lined the vaulted ceilings. It was like walking straight into a work of art. Even more so than the architecture, what really caught Clarke’s eye were the paintings on the wall. 

Clarke was shaken out of her momentary reverie when Raven had drug her by the hand to the open bar. They each took a glass of champagne, “Okay, NOW you can drag me around to look at all the old, boring art. I know you are dying right now.” Clarke couldn’t even muster the energy to hide her huge smile. 

This particular event was to support an organization that wanted to help build sustainable means for transporting clean water to villages in South America without disrupting their simple but beloved way of life. This organization wanted to provide the tools and the means while still allowing the villagers to adapt naturally without western influence.    
  
Both Raven and Clarke were swept up into conversations with other attendees. Potential investors were enraptured by Clarke’s infectious smile and her unique perspective as a business owner, environmental sciences major, and a self-professed humanitarian. As Clarke networked and spilled her guts about how passionate she was for this project as well as others, she was surprised to find out that some of these very successful individuals had heard of her tiny shop.

“I - I am so sorry. Please excuse my surprise but I am just curious as to how you all heard about Grounders, my little flower shop?” she inquired sweetly.

“Oh! Ms. Woods has been telling everyone about your little shop,” one of the men in their group pointed towards a crowd surrounding a tall, lean brunette. Clarke’s jaw dropped when she laid eyes on her. Part of her wants to say she didn’t think she would ever see the brunette again but there was something warm, coiling in the pit of her stomach that knew they would cross paths. The mere thought they might somehow be cosmically inevitable but the forceful feeling she had in her gut that it was true was so bizarre to her that she just started laughing.

“Ms. Griffin?” the older man was confused by her response.

“Y-y-yes. Yes, I am so sorry. Did you say Miss Woods as in THE Miss Woods?”

“But of course! Have you met Miss Woods yet? She is such a lovely creature and a huge promoter for these sorts of projects. A lover of anything she can get her hands on. She is truly a visionary. I think you two might get along quite well,” a woman in the group gave Clarke a sly smile and a wink. 

Clarke blushed, “No. I - I haven’t had the pleasure of formally meeting her.” She could hardly take her eyes off the woman and she knew she was embarrassing herself. Clarke needed to escape their scrutinizing gazes, she needed to collect herself.

“I am so sorry. If you’ll excuse me,” Clarke offered a small smile and briskly shuffled in her heels towards where Raven had been making conversation. “Pardon me, I must steal my friend away.” 

Clarke’s hand had been gripped around Raven’s elbow as she ushered the brunette to the bar. “Hey, Clarke. What is going on!? What is wrong with you?” 

Through closed teeth, Clarke whispered, “She’s HERE!”

“She who?”

“Serendipity! My goddess divine! It’s Miss Woods! As in Woods Corporation!” Clarke exasperatingly waved her hands, motioning towards the enormous ballroom they were standing in.

“You’re kidding!” Raven started to turn before Clarke gripped her shoulder.

“No! Don’t look!” 

“Why can’t I look? Has she noticed you yet?” 

“I don’t think so...”

A woman sitting at the bar was watching and listening to Clarke and Raven jabber on about someone in the crowd. As enjoyable as it was to sit back and watch these stranger’s drama unfold, she couldn’t pass up an opportunity to get involved in their little drama. These events were too boring for her to just stay seated and mind her own business. An added bonus was the opportunity to speak with the hot latina.

“Hello.”

Clarke and Raven were startled out of their not-so-hushed whispers by a very striking woman. She was tall and slender, moved like a jungle cat, and had sharp eyes that pierced right through you.

The woman continued, “My name is Anya. And both of you are…?”

“Oh - my name is Clarke Griffin. It is a pleasure to meet you,” she reached out to shake the offered hand. Anya’s grip is firm and professional, but her smile had a hint of mischief in it. 

Anya and Clarke turned to Raven who was just staring straight at their new acquaintance. Clarke quickly elbowed her in the side, “OW! Um - hello. I am Raven….Reyes.” Clarke tried to remember any time before in her life where Raven had been caught off guard or speechless. Not a single memory came to her mind. She must remember to tease her friend about this later.

“These events can be very boring but when you both bum-rushed this bar, I couldn’t help but be enraptured by your drama,” Anya widened her eyes and smiled. She was enjoying this game. “So what is it? An ex in the crowd? A one night stand?” 

“Well, it’s kind of a long story -” Clarke had no intention of telling the stranger about her encounter or about her personal life. It was much too embarrassing and much too serious but she was immediately interrupted by Raven’s out loud stream of consciousness.

“Miss Woods came into Clarke’s flower shop a few weeks ago and they fell in love but Miss Woods never told Clarke her name so we came to this event unknowingly but now we know who she is and also Miss Woods talked about destiny and serendipity and shit and now Clarke is freaking out because they are like soulmates for life…” 

Anya returned a blank stare to Raven before looking back at Clarke, “Is she always like this?”

Clarke turned towards her friend and watched her skin flush from her chest to her cheeks, “Uh - no actually. I think she likes you.” Raven whipped her head around and gaped at her FORMER best friend. Clarke wiggled her eyebrows -  _ Payback is a bitch, Ray. _

“Cute.” Clarke looked back at Anya in time to catch her wink at Raven, “Now if you will excuse me for a moment, I will be right back. Don’t stray too far.” She smiled at both girls but her eyes lingered a bit longer on Raven and there was an obvious sway to her hips when she walked away. 

“Wow, she was…” Clarke began.

“I want to have her babies,” Raven blurted, still staring into the crowd where the tanned woman had disappeared. 

“I… think we need a drink. Sir? May we have two whiskeys, neat? Thank you.”

Anya never returned and it was time for them to take their seats. Clarke and Raven were luckily sitting at a table with a few familiar faces and were both enraptured in more conversation. It was a nice distraction from their bizarre encounter with Anya as well as the looming nervousness Clarke felt about Miss Woods seeing her at the event. Clarke tried to stop herself from surveying the room every five minutes but she could hardly help herself. Knowing the most beautiful women she had ever seen was in the same room as her was enough to keep her skin crawling with anticipation.

The lights suddenly dimmed, “Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you all for attending this evening’s festivities. What we are here supporting is an incredibly important…” 

Clarke’s ears stopped hearing after that. The gorgeous woman was on stage and she looked incredible. She was wearing a sharp, tailored grey suit and the shirt beneath was navy blue with a shiny black knit tie. She was commanding on stage and she spoke with such countenance. Clarke watched the muscles in Miss Wood’s jaw tighten as she spoke about this passion project. But then Miss Wood’s eyes shifted directly toward Clarke. The eye contact startled Clarke because it was intentional, it was intense, and it was strangely intimate despite being in a room full of people. 

“I cannot stress enough to all of you how precious this world is.” Miss Wood’s eyes lifted away from Clarke’s and the blonde felt like she could breathe again. “Just a few weeks ago I was walking around when I saw this small flower shop tucked into my old neighborhood.” The brunette donned a coy smile and again, glanced at Clarke. “The flowers were… gorgeous… and expertly cared for by someone who clearly understood the power of a bouquet of flowers. It occurred to me while I was standing in that shop just how privileged I am to be able to walk around the city and buy fresh flowers when there are people in the world struggling to get fresh water to their crops just to eat a meal. Those flowers inspired me to do more - I knew I NEEDED to do more.”

Raven turned in her seat to look at Clarke. The blonde tore her eyes away from the woman on the stage and all she could offer Raven was a look of absolute bewilderment. Clarke’s emotions were like fireworks beneath her skin, crawling across the plain and then bursting with shimmery light. Raven offered her best friend a smile with no joke or sarcastic comment. Miss Wood’s speech was disarming enough but now Raven’s reaction was even more unsettling.  _ This can’t be happening. This doesn’t happen in real life. _

“I hope you can all reflect on your own lives and acknowledge what you are grateful for and realize how much natural beauty and joy and LIFE this earth provides us with. Thank you.” Applause ripped through the crowd and as the woman descended the stairs, Anya followed. Clarke hadn’t even noticed the other woman was on stage with Miss Woods. 

Afterwards, each table was served an incredible four-course meal. When there was a lull in the conversation, Clarke or Raven would lean over to the other and ask questions like, “What is going on? Who is she? Did you see Anya on stage? What does that mean? This is too crazy, right?” 

After dessert, people slowly started filtering out of the building. Clarke and Raven decided they would walk down the street to a fancy bar so they could gush and freak out about how bizarre their night was. “Plus, I may only get one chance to wear this dress and I look hot as hell!” Raven began to sway her hips but nearly screamed when a voice right behind her ear added, “You sure do.” 

Raven spun around and Clarke leaned over to find Anya and Miss Woods both standing beside one another.

“Lexa, this is Raven Reyes and that is Clarke Griffin, whom I believe you have already met,” again, there was something almost teasingly sinister about Anya’s smile. 

_ Lexa… her name is Lexa.  _ Clarke savored the way her tongue pressed against the roof of her mouth as she mouthed the name.

Lexa reached her hand out towards Raven and was wearing a charming smile, “It is wonderful to meet you, Ms. Reyes.” 

“Likewise!”  _ Payback’s a bitch, Clarkey. _ “You are exactly as Clarke described you. I should know because she has been talking about ‘Miss Serendipity’ for ages.” 

Anya snorted, “Wow. They really are two peas in a pod.” Raven raised her hand in the air and without an ounce of hesitation, Anya met her high five with a loud smack.

Clarke and Lexa’s eyes went wide and they both blushed, equally sharing in the infinite embarrassment. A smile crept across Clarke’s face when she thought she heard Lexa mutter, “Jesus fucking Christ,” under her breath.

“Well, I came here riding a high from my speech hoping to ask you, two ladies, to share a drink with us but now it seems I need to find the nearest boulder to crawl beneath,” Lexa pursed her lips together. 

“From what I have seen so far, it seems you must live your life in a constant state of embarrassment,” Clarke teased.

“I completely understand why you would think that but I promise I am very cool, very chill,” Lexa couldn’t help but grin like a Cheshire cat when she looked at Clarke. She knew the blonde wasn’t buying it.

“Only uncool people have to tell people they are cool,” Raven grinned and Anya barked out a laugh.    
  
Lexa laughed and rolled her eyes. “I guess that must be true. Do either of you have a preference in where we should go, would you like me to call and make a reservation anywhere - my treat?” Lexa offered very sincerely.

Clarke and Raven glanced at each other - the thought of being able to get into just about anywhere in the city was very tempting. “Um - that would be lovely. We greatly appreciate it. We will meet you out front. Raven and I are just going to go freshen up right quick. You two just… chat amongst yourselves about… whatever it is you want to chat about, we don’t care.” Clarke grabbed Raven’s elbow and drug her towards the ladies room. 

Once the girls were in the bathroom, Clarke turned and locked the bathroom door, then pulled Raven into the large stall and locked that too. Raven laughed, “Clarke, honey, you are dragging me everywhere tonight and I think the locks are excessive.”

“I need - to breathe - I need a moment to just COMPREHEND what is happening.” 

Raven reached out and grasped Clarke’s shoulders, “Fate. Fate is happening. You met a sweet, ordinary woman in your flower shop and she just happens to not be… so… ordinary. But that’s OK because you need to see where this goes! Could be nothing but it could also be something… Grab fate by the balls and ride it!”

“I… was with you until you got to the balls part…” Clarke grimaced. 

Raven chuckled, “Look - I’m not one to believe in fate and destiny but you and Lexa have a spark. You both like, radiate light or something when you look at each other. I saw it from her on stage and I saw it from you when we were standing at the bar.” Clarke was taken back by her friend’s sudden sentimentality. 

“Plus, she is hot as fucking hell! Holy shit!” Clarke slapped her friend's shoulder. “I’m just teasing! Damn Blondie!”

The girls left the stall and started fixing their lipstick in the mirror so it did actually look like they got something accomplished after that bizarre exit Clarke made. “Her friend is nice,” Clarke’s eyes flitted to Raven’s in the mirror but the latina refused to meet Clarke’s eyes. “You LIKE her don’t you, Ray?!”

“HA! No. She may have a banging body and a finesse that makes me want her to ravage me but I don’t LIKE her. I hardly know the woman. Plus, this is about you and I am nothing more than your wingman tonight. As your best friend, it is my job to flesh out any red flags.”

“Oh my God, Ray! PLEASE do not make this weird for me. I beg you!”

Raven smacked her lips in the mirror and gently pressed them on a napkin, “Calm down, will ya!” Raven paused as she was about to leave the bathroom, “Trust me, I won’t do anything you would do!” Raven winked and then left.

Clarke smiled while adjusting and tucking her blouse into her pants but then a wave of panic hit her, “Wait! I just got what you said! STOP!” Raven was already out the building by the time she caught up.

Clarke had taken a deep breath to calm her nerves before descending the steps to where the three women were standing by the black SUV. They were all enraptured in laughter but Lexa’s eyes softly tore away from the group and met Clarke’s. Lexa’s smile was that of absolute bewilderment. To her, Clarke was a force of nature. 

Lexa opened the door for all three women and they climbed in. Clarke refused to let things get awkward or to let Raven say anything that might embarrass her, “So, how do you two know each other?” She motioned towards Anya and Lexa.

The two friends shared a smile and Lexa nodded to Anya to let her tell the story. “When I was about six years old, this guy with a brand new green Camaro pulled into my apartment complex. I had found a match on the ground and had just watched my first Clint Eastwood movie with my dad…”

“Oh God…” Raven groaned, “You didn’t! That poor baby!” 

Anya and Lexa looked at Raven like she was losing her mind.

“She’s a bit of a motorhead. Please continue, Anya,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“So my friends dared me to try and light the match by striking it on the hood. They obviously didn’t have to ask twice.”

“Did it work?” Clarke asked.

“Uh….” Anya looked at Lexa with a sinister smile. “No, it didn’t. It put a huge streak on the hood. It totally buffed out but her dad was PISSED!”

Raven’s mouth hung open, “You tried to Clint Eastwood a match off the hood of Mr. Lexa Woods Seniors car and lived to tell the story?”

“Well, when school started back up, we had a class together. Anya didn’t know I was sitting inside my dad’s Camaro that day. One day in school I passed her a note that said, ‘I know what you did with that match. If you want to keep your life, meet me outside by the tetherball pole!’” Lexa was already laughing. It was such a beautiful sound, you couldn’t help but smile along with her. 

“She blackmailed me into friendship…” Anya deadpanned. 

“I did NOT! Well, yes, at first, but I grew on you!” Anya rolled her eyes. “What was I supposed to do, An? Introduce myself!? HAH!” Lexa’s sarcasm caused everyone to start giggling. You could tell they were very close and had been for quite some time, much like Clarke and Raven - much like sisters. 

Lexa risked a glance at Clarke and caught her smiling at their story. The two girls breathed in the moment, savoring its sweetness and its strange familiarity. Clarke felt like she’d been looking into Lexa’s eyes for an eternity, that’s how familiar the woman felt. She considered how she would later describe that feeling to Raven and it was unnerving. 

For the rest of the car ride, Raven and Anya talked about Raven’s work and her motorcycle that she tinkers with on some weekends. Lexa and Clarke tried their hardest to participate in the conversation but kept catching each other smiling and stealing glances. It happened so many times that it became a game between the two. By the end of the ride, neither of them had any idea what Raven and Anya were discussing and frankly didn't care. 

The driver came around the side and opened the door for the women. Lexa crawled out first and offered her hand to Clarke. When Clarke’s fingers grazed Lexa’s skin, a shock ran through both of their bodies. A feeling that could only be described as physical deja vu, like their bodies remembered each other. Lexa felt like she was trying to swallow a stone and Clarke’s creamy skin began to redden, “Oh! What a gentlewoman you are!”

“Oh, that is just years of debutant classes drilled into my head. I could not care less about your comfort and safety while exiting this vehicle,” Lexa taunted hoping to distract from how nervous she was to be near Clarke.

Clarke smiled and squinted her eyes, “Ah! She’s got jokes. You’re a cheeky little shit! Now come buy me a drink so my friend can find out all of your flaws.” Clarke linked arms with Raven and sauntered away from Lexa and Anya. Clarke had a truly incredible figure and knew it. Lexa was frozen in place and plainly staring at Clarke’s ass until Anya came up behind her and slapped a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, startling the CEO from her reverie. 

“Not so gentlemanly to stare so hard. I haven’t seen you this wrapped up in a girl since…”

“Anya, do NOT finish that sentence,” Lexa shot her friend a warning look.

“Hey, I’m not trying to be sad or anything. I just - I can see how you’re looking at her. Be careful and don't push yourself if you aren't comfortable. We all just want to see you truly happy again...”

Lexa smiled sweetly at her friend, “Thank you, I do appreciate you always looking out for me. I just - I feel like if I describe how I am feeling it’s going to sound completely insane and you will never believe me… and I don’t want you to think I’m forgetting...”

“Stop. Never. I would NEVER think that. I know you loved my sister but it’s time to move on, Lexa... Tell me about Clarke. You’ve ranted about her to just about everyone else but me and tell me quickly before the girl’s think we ditched them.”

“Clarke is - she’s a magnet. I feel drawn to her and when I am near her. It feels like I have known her before. It’s like recognizing someone in a movie and it is on the tip of your tongue but… exponentially worse. It is like standing on a precipice and almost teetering over the edge but rocking on the back of your feet just in time but you still want to jump so badly. I - I don’t know! It’s crazy!”

Anya started chuckling, “Yeah, it does sound a little crazy!” Lexa rolled her eyes. Anya threw her arm over Lexa’s shoulder and led her inside. Clarke and Raven were already seated at a secluded booth in a dark corner. From there they could see the rest of the bar and the dance floor. 

“This is a very nice place! Damn!” Raven had to shout a little over the music. 

“Yeah, I think so too!” Lexa says as she smiles at Anya. Anya was the VP of Lexa’s company and had her own investments. They were seated at the “executive” table, which was Anya's table because she owned the bar. 

“I’m really glad you like it.” It pleased Anya to no end that Raven thought well of the bar. She was feeling giddy which is not an emotion she would ever admit to experiencing. 

After about an hour of talking hometowns and how ‘RayRay and Clarkey’ met in college, Raven and Anya gravitated towards the dance floor. This left Clarke and Lexa in the dark booth alone and they were both overcome with nerves. 

“So… what exactly does Woods Corporation ...do? Like, I know the things your family has done - I don’t live under a rock but, from your speech this evening - which was wonderful by the way - it seems like you want to be doing something else, I guess. Maybe not. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.”

Lexa quickly placed her hand on top of Clarke’s and offered her a completely genuine smile. “You have no idea how refreshing it is to be asked that. No one seems to care as much about that as they do about the fame and glam. So thank you,” Lexa questioned her actions and began to pull her hand away but Clarke threaded their fingers together.

The brunette smiled down at their intertwined fingers and marveled for a moment at the emotions swimming beneath her skin. “I - When I took over my father’s company, he had a lot of expectations for it continuing in the same vein. However, I wanted to do more. I wanted to make it more than just an investment firm. I was - uh - married... to a school teacher,” Lexa’s eyes darted to Clarke’s to gauged her reaction.

“Oh! Are you… divorced?”

“No, she passed away about 4 years ago,” Lexa didn’t want to stop and let the sadness sink in, “I was always so enraptured by how much she genuinely cared about other people. People donate money and help the needy because there’s a reward in it for them, it makes us feel good. But she - she did it because it was the right thing to do and I cherished that about her. She never hesitated to do the right thing at the expense of herself.” 

If Clarke was being honest, there was a sliver of her heart that was jealous but not for the reasons one might think. She wasn’t jealous of Lexa’s ex… OK, maybe a little but she’s human and Lexa is breathtaking. Rather, Clarke was jealous that Lexa had the opportunity to know and be close to someone like that. She was jealous of the love flowing from Lexa’s lips, the pride she had in her wife’s character. Clarke imagined that if her parents were still alive today, that might be the sort of things she would say about them and then she wondered what they might say about her… 

“I - I’m so sorry…”

“Oh my goodness! No! I didn’t mean to bring her up. I just, it’s hard not to. Not because we were married but because of that experience. That time I had with her is so much apart from who I am as a person and as a CEO of my father’s company. It’s… defining. Oh my gosh, I hope I didn’t weird you out. I totally did though, didn’t I?”

“No! No, no, no. You didn’t weird me out.” Clarke looked down at their entwined fingers and she had the urge to bring Lexa’s hand to her own lips and to press her skin to her face. “No, it just - it made me think of my own parents and my accident.” Outside of her grandparents, Raven had been the only person who knew what happened to her parents’ and about her car accident a few years ago. Clarke’s hands began to shake because she realized what she was about to share and what that meant about her already developing feelings for the woman sitting across from her.

Lexa’s head tilted to the side, recognizing a very similar pain in the woman sitting across from her. 

“My parents were surgeons with Doctors Without Borders. They felt they had a duty to help those who were more than less fortunate than Americans. But every year on my birthday they would send me flowers with a note telling me how great I was... Despite how much I missed them and how angry I was with them, the flowers always made me smile. They were wrapping up their contract when their plane was shot down.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand just a little bit tighter as she saw tears begin to form at the bottoms of her eyelashes. 

“I have spent so much of my life wondering if my parents would be proud of who I am, of the woman I’ve become, but then I realized I needed to stop measuring myself against people who were gone. Instead, I needed to ask myself if I was proud of who I am and that is when I started investing in organizations like yours and I started my flower shop. I wanted to start being proud of myself - as selfish as that sounds.” She chuckled as she used her free hand to wipe the tears that had fallen.   
  
“Gosh, we are such messes,” said Clarke as she smiled and dabbed at her face to not smear her makeup.

“I know! This is not drinks on the first date kind of conversation!” Lexa’s shared tears were a mix of empathy and laughter.

Clarke hesitated and raised her brows, “First date?”

Lexa slowly slipped her hand out of Clarke’s and began rubbing her palms on her dress pants, buying time to consider how to explain herself. “Well, I mean - this may not be the FIRST but… I would most definitely be interested in taking you to dinner if you’d consider accompanying me.” 

Clarke hid her smile in the drink she sipped from. She leaned across the table and place a soft, gentle kiss on the corner of Lexa’s mouth and whispered, “It would be my pleasure to  _ accompany  _ you to dinner, Miss Woods,” Clarke teased, “And… this most definitely can be our first date if you promise to take me for a walk right now.”

Lexa’s shoulders dropped with relief; she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding her breath for that long. Clarke noticed and the blonde couldn’t help but blush at the realization at how nervous she made Lexa Woods.

“I would love nothing more than to take you for a walk, Miss Griffin.”


	4. The Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally going to add more chapters by the way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally posted this chapter 10/3 but I made some edits and have reposted 10/6.

“Tell me about your grandparents. You said they raised you?” Lexa inquired before she blew on her hot tea and cupped her hands tightly around the warm paper cup.

“Well, my grandfather’s name is Howard. I couldn’t pronounce it as a young child so I called him ‘How-Woo’... I still do,” Clarke smiled into her coffee.

“Clarke - that is the most precious thing I think I have ever heard!”

“I know. He looks like a typical rough, hardened cowboy but he is honestly the sweetest, gentlest man I have ever known. Annnnd my grandmother, Lillian, is his total opposite. She’s totally nice but if there’s job to be done, ‘one best be gett’n to it!’” Clarke simulates her grandmother’s southern accent. “She immediately took to Raven when I brought her home from college. They both have this infectious, adventurous spirit. They don’t hold back, they always go for what they want. I think my grandfather and I gravitate toward people like that because we are excited by adventure but are too timid to take the leap ourselves.”

“You sound like you miss them a lot. Do you visit them often?”

The girls were walking in step and had just entered one of the nearby parks where twinkle lights adorn the trees and the snow below them was perfectly untouched. “I go back once a year. I wish I could see them more often but now that the shop is doing so well, it’s hard to find the perfect time to take a step back. I have been toying with the idea of hiring an assistant who can cover some afternoons and the weekends. The busiest part of the job is the deliveries so manning the shop would be great for a student but I wouldn’t even know where to begin... Gosh, I’m rambling again.” 

“No. I love listening to you - honestly, I could listen to you all night.” Lexa blushed at her own admission but it was the truth. Clarke attempted to meet Lexa’s eyes but the brunette was staring straight down at her shoes. Clarke couldn’t help but smile at how brazen Lexa could be but to then immediately retreat back into her shell. 

“What about you? What about your family?” 

Lexa choked a bit on her coffee, “Gosh. You really have no idea who I am…”

“I- I’m sorry. I just don’t stay up on…”

“No! NO! God no! It’s nice. I don’t often get to talk about myself. Many already think they know who I am because of what they have read or heard. You have provided me the very rare opportunity to be myself.” Lexa’s eyes glanced at Clarke’s bright smile before continuing, “My mother died in the Twin Towers…” 

Without looking at Lexa, Clarke simply reached her hand and entwined her fingers with the brunettes. Though they both had gloves on, the intimate contact still sent shivers down Lexa’s spine. It was comfort and encouragement without the pressure to continue. Again, Lexa was caught off guard by her WANT to continue. She wanted to tell Clarke everything, even if it took all night. 

“It was a long time ago… but I was pretty devastated. Mom and I were terribly close. She was soft and gentle, kind and compassionate. My father was never emotionally available but he became stone after Mom passed. He used her passing as publicity for his company and for his conservative ideals. However, he did teach me to be a strong, stoic businesswoman. Before Costia, I was… just like him, just as hard.” Lexa’s eyebrows creased, “I wasn’t a terribly good person. I compartmentalized any and all emotions and I hurt a lot of people. I was taught that in order to be successful in business, one must live a life without distractions, without love, without weakness.” 

“But she changed that for you…”

“I like to think I changed for myself… she was just the catalyst to me living a better life,” both girls smiled.

“I know you’re not supposed to talk about exes or death on a first date but I think you and I have both had unique lives and experiences that have been critical in defining our characters…”

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand, “Let’s make it even. Tell me about your ex… the one you were still with when we met in your shop…” Lexa smiled and wiggled her eyebrows.

“What makes you think he’s my ex?” Clarke raised her eyebrow.

“...Raven told me when you were in the restroom.”

“Of course she did,” Clarke rolled her eyes, “That’s not embarrassing AT all.”

Lexa nudged Clarke with her shoulder, “You’re delaying…”

“FINE!” Clarke couldn’t help but smile at being teased by Lexa. “Well… I don’t have some grand or tragic love story. In fact, I think I have avoided love. I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends in college and in high school but when it got to a certain point, I just innately knew it wasn’t… this is going to make me sound like a monster but… I knew deep down the relationship wasn’t worth it anymore. I have dated some REALLY great people - well, some of them were - but at the first hint that it wasn’t going to be IT, I would always end it immediately.”

Lexa laughed, “I bet that went over well!”

Clarke shook her head and smiled, “No! No, it didn’t.” 

Lexa led Clarke over to a small wooden gazebo that was in the park. It overlooked the lake which was now solid ice and being used as an ice rink. There was a tall outdoor heater at the center of the gazebo and the two girls gravitated towards it to warm their limbs. Each girl got lost in their thoughts until Lexa finally broke the silence.

“I don’t think it makes you a monster, by the way, about knowing when it’s not love,” she didn’t meet Clarke’s eyes. Clarke saw a strange distance in Lexa’s though. To Clarke, the brunette looked to be caught in a memory or a complex thought, “I think there are different kinds of love that we all encounter but when you’re IN love with someone, it’s unmistakable. You feel it on some otherworldly level that you cannot comprehend, let alone explain to those who haven’t felt it.”

Clarke looked away when another pang of jealousy wiggled its way under Clarke’s skin and she tried to suppress it, “When did you know you were in love with Costia?”

Lexa hesitated, there was panic in the way she looked up at Clarke, “I- I loved Costia - I loved her in SO many different ways, Clarke… We were actually taking a break when she got in the accident.” Lexa swallowed so hard, “I’ve never told anyone because it feels so disrespectful of her memory or of who she was to me but… I think we knew…”

Clarke’s jealousy immediately evaporated and instead her heart broke for the brunette. “Lexa, that is so- oh my gosh - I’m just so sorry,” she pulled Lexa into a tight embrace. Both women held on and stayed that way for several minutes. Silent tears fell from both of their eyes as Clarke turned her head towards Lexa’s ear, “I think people are placed in our lives to help us untangle the string that connects us to our soulmate - you and Costia may not have been at the end of each other’s string but that doesn’t make her or the relationship you had with her any less meaningful. Please, don’t ever feel guilty for feeling…” 

Clarke leaned away from the hug to see if Lexa was OK. Lexa’s eyes were sparkling emeralds as they danced back and forth between Clarke’s. Lexa surged forward and pressed her lips to the blondes. A small, surprised yelp escaped Clarke’s lips. It was unlike any kiss either woman had ever felt. For Clarke, it was like someone’s fist had gripped her heart and the air was stamped from her lungs. For Lexa, it was like leaping off of a cliff with your eyes closed and wondering at what point you’ll hit the water.

The kiss had grown very heated, causing Clarke to jump backward. Lexa tried to stay cool but her panicked eyes betrayed her, “Clarke - I…”

“I think we should talk about this,” Clarke lifted her hand to create more distance. She was battling her innate fight or flight response and the strange, guttural desire to meet Lexa’s lips again. “I just - I definitely think we are feeling very similar things but… I think we should TALK about it first.” 

“YES! Absolutely.” 

“You agree?” Clarke’s eyes shot up to Lexa’s, she was surprised the brunette would agree with her so vehemently. 

“Definitely. I have never felt this way before and I want to claw my own eyes out for saying something so cliche,” Lexa takes a step closer, “but I am utterly terrified and incredibly excited by this feeling I have swirling inside my stomach when I am around you. I just - I want more of it, constantly, but we have literally only JUST met.”

Clarke breathed out and cinched her eyebrows together. She wondered how long she had been holding her breath, “Yeah, there’s definitely… something…”

Both women simply stared into each other’s eyes as if they were trying to decipher something or trying to identify this strange sense of deja vu they were both experiencing. After a moment or two, they both began grinning like Cheshire cats. Lexa took another cautious step closer, fingering a button on Clarke’s coat, “You’re a very good kisser, Ms. Griffin.”

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from blushing even if she wanted to. 

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from looking at Lexa’s lips even if she wanted to.

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from thinking about tasting Lexa’s…

Clarke inhaled too quickly at that last thought and began choking. Lexa set her tea down on the bench and grabbed onto the blonde’s elbows tightly. “Hey, in through your nose, out through your mouth. There’s no water out here but I have some tea left, do you need to drink it?”

“N-no. I’m- I’m fine. I just was caught off guard.”

Lexa took a step back to give Clarke some space. She was terribly embarrassed that she had read the situation so terribly wrong. 

Clarke finally got her breath back and began to smile, “No. No, you’re fine, Lexa. It wasn’t you - I just had a… thought. In fact, you were very cute.”

Lexa screwed her face into a funny look, “I wasn’t going for ‘cute’.”

“Aw, you poor thing,” Clarke mewed and pulled Lexa closer. Their foreheads rested softly against one another. Lexa closed her eyes as she took in Clarke’s sweet perfume and the vanilla scent of her shampoo. Clarke threaded her fingers through the soft baby hair at the base of Lexa’s neck. The tips of their noses caressed gently as they both instinctively began to sway.

“Lexa, there’s no music…” Clarke softly mews. 

Lexa’s eyes are still gently closed when she began to hum a very simple melody. Whatever this song was, it was hauntingly sweet and it seemed to fit the moment they were sharing perfectly. There was definitely arousal and excitement swirling around them, but also a strange forlornness. 

Holding Clarke so closely caused Lexa’s nerves to vibrate through her entire body. She felt like a fire was ignited inside her that had been stamped out a long time ago. Her thoughts drifted to Costia but in a different way. For the first time since the school teacher's death, Lexa felt like she was finally able to say goodbye. It was a feeling she would discuss with Clarke later on in whatever relationship evolved from this night but her mind kept drifting to what Clarke had said about people being placed intentionally in your life to help untangle your lifeline, your heartstring. While she felt sad that Costia wouldn’t find her own her true love in this life, she would forever be grateful to the woman for helping her find hers. That thought was intense and scary and it caused Lexa to tighten her grip on Clarke’s hips as she said a silent goodbye to Costia.   
  


For Clarke, being near Lexa was like finding home again. While she was apprehensive about feeling so strongly so quickly about the strange from her flower shop, it brought on thoughts of her parents and grandparents. Lexa was brazen like Lillian and then immediately shy like Howard. Lexa was thoughtful and caring, she was intelligent and proud, she was gorgeous but entirely humble. The deeper into her thoughts about Lexa, the faster Clarke’s heart began to beat. Clarke thought about how she craved adventure in her life but was often held back by the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown - the fear of loss. She wanted to jump feet first but could never bring herself to do it… until now.

The tips of Clarke’s fingers caressed Lexa’s skin as the blonde turned slightly to press her lips to the back of Lexa’s jaw. It was the softest, most intimate kiss that Lexa had ever experienced. Clarke pulled away gently and whispered the question that’s been on her mind for the last hour, “Lexa - do you feel like… do you feel like we’ve met before? Like, in past lives?”

Lexa continued to hum until she was ready to answer Clarke’s question, “It’s so hard to explain, Clarke - I feel like my soul has always been calling out to you. It feels like I have seen you, FELT you, before somewhere. Honestly - I think what scares me most is how petrified I am to explain to my best friend that I’m in love with a stranger than I am about meeting my soulmate and falling in love with her after 6 hours…” 

Clarke slowly pulled away, her blue eyes were open wide at what she just heard from Lexa. Clarke had never told someone other than her family and Raven, that she loved them. With Lexa, she didn’t feel compelled, she didn’t feel like saying it back was expected of her - she just felt it. Clarke knew that Lexa was going to change her entire life.    
  
“Lexa - I - love you.”

The brunette couldn’t help but smile so brightly at Clarke before she pressed her forehead back against the blondes. “This is a lot to process. I agree that we should move slowly and get to know each other on dates - wait - you do want to date me, right?” A panic set in when Lexa completely forgot about the implications of their kiss and thought that maybe Clarke was experiencing a more platonic, familial kind of love for her.

Clarke’s response was to grab Lexa’s face with both hands and press a needy and abrasive kiss to Lexa’s soft, nude lips. Lexa opened her mouth which allowed Clarke to immediately slip her tongue inside. Tasting more of Lexa was all Clarke could think about. The blonde leaned back slightly and slid her tongue across Lexa’s upper lip. Lexa’s hands gripped Clarke’s shoulders and she pushed Clarke to be at arm’s length away.

“N-n-n-no…” Clarke begged with her eyes still closed and her lips still slightly puckered.

“You have no idea how badly I want you right now, Clarke… Despite these... cosmically strange circumstances, I’m a bit old-fashioned,” Lexa admitted shyly, “I’d like to walk you home and then you should let me take you on a formal date before we take this… any further.”

Clarke smiled at the blushing CEO, “I’m sorry. I got carried away. And yes, I definitely would like to go on a date with you.”

When they left the bar, Lexa assumed she would walk Clarke directly home but when they got to talking, they ended up walking through campus and through several different neighborhood parks surrounding the area. They held hands and stopped to make out against various light posts and in alleyways but one of them would always stop it before it became uncontrollable. When they finally got to Clarke’s building, they shared a long, sweet kiss goodbye until the taxi cab finally arrived to take Lexa home. Even then, Clarke lingered and watched her taxi drive away until it was completely out of sight.

Clarke took a deep breath in and steeled herself for when she’ll have to explain to Raven why she came home at 5AM...


	5. The Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> almost forgot - a character experiences a panic attack in this chapter. It moves quickly but I don’t want to harm anyone by not alerting them beforehand!

“OK… Let me get this straight… you’re telling me that you went for a 6-hour walk with a stranger and came back with all but a marriage proposal,” Raven stated flatly after her uncharacteristic silence during Clarke’s story. 

“Ray, we aren’t official or anything like that,” Clarke scoffed, “We are just going to go on some dates to get to know each other.”

“Clarke, darling, my sweet, sweet platonic true love - you just told me that you walked around the city for hours, shared nearly every deep and dark secret either of you have ever had, kissed - a lot, and had a conversation about - and let me quote you directly, ‘ _ being each other’s soulmate through time and space’ _ . Please let me know if I got any of that wrong…” 

Clarke looked away from Raven and took a large sip of her water and struggled to swallow. She wiped a small bit of the water that had dripped down her chin before finally meeting her friend's super intense stare, “Um, nope. You pretty much got it.”

Raven sighed as she leaned back into her kitchen chair. A few silent moments passed before she opened her mouth, “Well - I don’t know what to tell you, kid. Have fun? Be safe? Wear protection?”

The blonde rolled her eyes and stood from the table to get another plate of food from the lunch she made for herself, which Raven ended up eating half of. “Ray, I’m honestly surprised you’re not mad or -”

“Why would I be mad? As hard as you’ve tried over the years, I don’t want to bone you, my dear.” Clarke flipped Raven off, eliciting a chuckle from both women. “Honestly though Clarke, it does scare me but I don’t know what you’re experiencing. You’re both clearly experiencing very similar feelings so maybe it is something very REAL that you just shouldn’t question but just - accept.”

Clarke set her plate back down on the table and took her seat again, “Emotionally and even physiologically, I am sure that what Lexa and I have is something very real. But my brain is constantly blaring ‘RUN! RUN AWAY! FAIRYTALES DON’T EXIST! TRUE LOVE AND SOULMATES DO NOT EXIST!’ But then again, I just feel this connection pouring out of every orifice -”

“Don’t… ever… say that word again,” Raven’s face was twisted with disgust.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I regretted it as soon as I said it. Anyways, you know what I mean.”

“Clarke, I think all your life you have had a problem with choosing logic over feelings. While most of the time I think that is a good thing, it seems like your heart has found itself a 2x4 and is beating you over the head with it. As Grandma Lillian says,  _ ‘Trust your gut.’ _ What does your gut say?”

Clarke contemplated this for a moment. She stared down as she was wringing her hands trying to will herself to just let go of her cautious nature and to allow herself to experience an adventure, even if she got hurt. The blonde slowly looked up at her best friend and she couldn’t help the excited smile that spread across her face as she made her decision and Raven’s smile began to match inside.

*ding*

Both girls jumped from their seats when Clarke’s phone lit up. Raven’s eyes went wide as she backed away from the table, “HOW DOES SHE KNOW WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HER?! DOES THIS SOULMATE SHIT HAVE SUPER POWERS!?”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh even though she, too, thought it was very peculiar timing. She grabbed and unlocked the phone to find her very first text from Lexa was a picture of her spreading open a small book with a poem on either side.   
  


**LEXA**

“ Stardust  
  
_ If you came to me with a face I have not seen,  _ __  
_ with a name I have never heard,  _ __  
_ I would still know you.  _ __  
_ Even if centuries separated us,  _ __  
_ I would still feel you.  _ __  
_ Somewhere between the sand and the stardust,  _ __  
_ through every collapse and creation,  _ __  
_ there is a pulse that echoes of you and I. _ __  
_ When we leave this world,  _ __  
_ we give up all our possessions and our memories.  _ __  
_ Love is the only thing we take with us.  _ __  
__ It is all we carry from one life to the next.   
  


Soul Mates

_ I don't know how it is you are so familiar to me-  _ __  
_ or why it feels like I am getting to know you  _ __  
_ and more as though I am remembering who you are.  _ __  
_ How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion  _ __  
_ that I have known you before,  _ __  
_ I have loved you before-  _ __  
_ in another time,  _ __  
_ a different place-  _ _  
_ __ some other existence.”

**CLARKE** **  
** Lexa, those are so beautiful…   
I am in tears because of how relieved I am to know that    
there are words to describe how I am feeling.   
And honestly, a little relieved that someone else exists    
who has also felt this way...

Lexa was already texting back and Clarke only had to wait a moment for a response. 

**LEXA**

This is so crazy, Clarke.    
  
The day I walked into your flower shop   
I also stopped inside this book store and   
bought this little book of poetry by Lang Leav.    
I don’t know, I guess I liked the cover or something.    
When I came home last night,    
I couldn’t sleep so I picked it up for the first time.   
  
  


Is this real?   
  


**CLARKE**

This is real.

**LEXA** **  
** Are you busy?

**CLARKE**   
No.

**LEXA  
** Do you like cake?

**CLARKE** **  
** Is that a real question???   
  
Who doesn’t like cake?!

**LEXA**   
...I’ll be there in 45 minutes   
  


Clarke leaped from her seat and ran straight into the bathroom. Raven had been patiently awaiting Clarke to finish reading her texts so she could explain the reason for the few tears and then brilliant smile to cross her best friend’s face. Instead of answers, Raven was given whiplash from Clarke’s speedy exit. 

Raven got up and knocked on the bathroom door, “HEY! What the hell is your hurry?! What did she say?”   
  
“She’s going to be here in 40 minutes, Ray! I haven’t even showered yet!” Clarke hollered back.

Clarke stopped to take in a deep breath. She ran her hands through her hair while studying herself in the mirror. She tried to coax herself down from this mounting excitement that was causing her skin to vibrate. Clarke’s eyes were wide open while she considered how much of her life had changed in the last 24 hours. 

Since Clarke’s automobile accident, little parts of her had hardened. She rejected the idea of love because she felt it was safer to never have it. If she never loved someone, she’d never experience loss again. A part of her felt like she didn’t deserve love after what happened. She knew, logically, that the accident wasn’t her fault but she couldn’t help but blame herself for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She blamed herself for living when someone who was beloved by many, was dead.

Things had gotten better for Clarke once she began regularly seeing Dr. Kane, her social worker. He helped her cope and he even helped Raven learn how to help Clarke during her panic attacks. She was living successfully without an attack for nearly two years and she swore she would never experience that again - it was debilitating for her. She gripped the sink tightly, knuckles going white, and began breathing slowly and deeply.  _ Not today - not now - please - just breathe Clarke. _

She couldn’t control her thoughts. She kept going back to Lexa and the fear of caring about someone so much, so quickly - the fear that it could be ripped from her hands at any moment. With a shaky breath, “ _ Ray - help…” _

Raven had returned to her bowl of cereal but as soon as she heard her name, she was up and running to the bathroom. “Clarke! I’m here.” Raven placed her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and began rubbing them in circles. “Here sit down on the toilet lid…” Raven helped maneuver Clarke down into a sitting position and she kneeled beside her and began rubbing her thighs. “You’re not numb, Clarke. You can feel this!”

Clarke’s breath finally evened out and she turned to look Raven in the eye, “I’m going to marry that woman, Raven.”

Raven couldn’t help the confused look on her face, “Is… that what this is about?”

Clarke’s stare was still a little vacant but the vibrant blue was finally returning to her eyes and her cheeks were turning pink again. “I - I was just standing here and looking at myself in the mirror and I just thought about where this is all going and I tried to not think about the accident but something is just nagging at me about it. I couldn’t stop it. I went to a dark place and I imagined losing her and I freaked at how much that scared me - already… Fairytales don’t exist, Raven,” tears streaked Clarke’s face. “This… what’s inside me that is connected to Lexa is so far beyond true love bullshit. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about losing her and it feels… not only emotional but chemical - like I am a part of HER.” 

Raven was Clarke’s ride-or-die-bitch and they swore in college to always trust and believe each other but this was really testing her. “Clarke… maybe you should talk to Kane about this… and maybe do some research to find out if anyone else has experienced… this connection.” 

Clarke was able to wipe the tears from her face, “Yeah, I think you’re right. Thank you, Ray, thank you for always being here for me.”

Raven smiled up at her best friend, “Always. You’re my person, Clarkey.” Both girls stood up and wrapped each other in a tight hug. “Ok ok ok, hurry. You’ve got 20 minutes to beautify yourself!”

Clarke shoved Raven away, “SHIT!”

There was a quiet knock at the door 5 minutes later and Raven opened it to find Lexa standing there with a large cake in her hands and a shopping bag from Target. “You got here fast…” Raven gave Lexa a knowing smirk.

“I - uh - was in the neighborhood and I -”

“Save it. You’re just as much of a lovesick puppy as she is and there’s no need for excuses - she’s told me everything.”

“...oh.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t judge you.” Lexa sighed with relief and smiled but as soon as Lexa became comfortable, Raven’s demeanor changed. “But I will kill you if you hurt her. She is my best friend, my sister - she matters more to me than anyone in this world. Lexa, she is the strongest and most incredible woman that I know, but there are parts of her that are fragile and I need to be able to trust that you won’t hurt her.” 

“Raven - is she OK?” Lexa’s brow was intensely furrowed and tight with genuine concern. “I - I wasn’t supposed to be here for another 30 minutes but I just got this strange feeling like she was in some kind of danger. I started running here but then I forgot the cake on the counter so I had to go back and then I…”

Raven stared wide-eyed at Lexa before interrupting, “This is so fucking weird, dude.” Lexa tilted her head to the side like a tiny, confused puppy. “Look - it’s her story to tell, Lexa, and she’ll tell you when she’s ready. In the meantime, you just being here is exactly what she needs, OK?” 

Lexa nodded rapidly before offering the cake up in her hands, “I brought cake and then I thought maybe we could have a movie night? Clarke said she loves Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Dirty Dancing, and anything with Meg Ryan from the 90’s so… I bought everything Target had because I didn’t know what she’d be in the mood for tonight…” Lexa sheepishly looked up at Raven who was still standing in the doorway with a shocked look on her face.

“Um - wow. That’s like - uber thoughtful and shit.” Raven would never admit it but her heart melted for Clarke. “Clarke is in the shower but she may be out soon, she’s probably shaving her legs and stuff.” Lexa gulped. “Go ahead and have a seat on the couch. I’ll take this insanely good-looking cake to the kitchen. Want a beer?”

Lexa nodded, “Yeah, sure. That’d be great.” She took a moment to glance around the room. The girls had what looked to be an antique chest serving as their coffee table. They had a very large TV against the wall which was surrounded by built-in bookshelves which were stacked so tightly that books were being stacked on top. She moved towards a collection of watercolor paintings of flowers which were staggered on the far wall. She bent closer to read the name at the bottom. “Holy shit…” she whispered to herself.

“Here’s your beer,” Raven plopped down on one corner of the couch, “so is it just us tonight or?”

Lexa spun around with a knowing grin, “You want me to invite Anya over, right?”

“NO! I was just asking - like - I was thinking of hanging with our friend, Octavia, tonight and I thought if I invited her, we could make a night of it… or something…” Raven took a nervous swig of her beer.

“Look, Anya thinks you’re hot. If you want to hang out, I don’t think she’d turn you down.”

Raven contemplated for a moment. She knew if she tried to play cool again she’d just be making more of a fool of herself but outright admitting that she’s absolutely infatuated with the sumptuous, older woman, would be just as embarrassing. 

“Let me text her and I will see what she’s up to and if she’s interested, I’ll invite her over. I’ll be totally chill about it. Cool?”

Raven avoided eye contact, “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

**LEXA  
** Hey. Raven wants to have your babies.

**ANYA**   
Really?!

**LEXA**   
God - you’re just as uncool as she is…

**ANYA  
** Look in the mirror, eager beaver!

**LEXA  
** …  
Good point!

**ANYA** **  
** What’s the address?

“OK. Anya is going to come over and chill. She’s bringing pizza,” Lexa sent Anya the address and told her to pick up some pizzas from their favorite Italian place on the West Side. 

Raven choked on her beer and sat up immediately, “What’d you tell her?”

“Not much. I just said we were going to relax and hang out so we can get to know one another in this bizarre scenario we are finding ourselves in,” Lexa offered a believable smile. 

“Alright. That sounds good. Cool cool cool.” Raven suddenly stood up and started picking up things around the apartment and rearranging furniture while Lexa just stood there are watched her with an amusing smile. 

“What did you say to her to get her to clean!?” Clarke walked around the corner from where the rest of the apartment must be. 

Lexa’s smile immediately escalated from a 4 to 400. She reached out and wrapped Clarke in warm, tight hug. She pressed her nose to the crook of Clarke’s neck and breathed deeply. She smelled like vanilla and fresh laundry. Images of waking up in a bed next to Clarke as she’s draped in fresh morning sunlight flashed in Lexa’s mind. “You smell so good,” Lexa’s lips danced across the skin on Clarke’s neck and it was euphoric. Lexa finally leaned back and pressed a soft kiss to Clarke’s lips. They only separated because they both couldn’t help the smiles forming on their faces. 

Lexa pressed her forehead to Clarke’s, “I know we spent hours together last night. I hope you’re not-”

Clarke wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa’s neck, “I’m so glad you’re here.” It was honest though simple, Lexa could feel the raw emotion that was swirling beneath Clarke’s skin prompting her to wrap her arms around Clarke’s waist even tighter.

*ahem* “Sorry to burst your love-bubble but we’ve got more company coming over and there are dishes and paper all over this house!” Raven was walking quickly throughout the room that enough of a swift breeze was created that it blew both Clarke and Lexa’s hair.

“Oh. I see now why she’s cleaning. Huh. I wish I’d have thought of that sooner…” Clarke teased but Raven shot her a nasty ‘don’t fuck with me right now, I’m freaking out’ kind of look, causing Clarke to raise her hands in surrender. 

Clarke excused herself from Lexa for only a moment. There wasn’t much to pick, it was mostly just financial documents from the shop because she was balancing the books this morning. Within 5 minutes, all three women settled into their large couch with fresh beers. 

“So what’s in this bag?” Clarke finally noticed it.

“Oh. I figured maybe if we got tired of talking, we could watch a movie or something- I don’t know…” Lexa was suddenly very shy. 

Clarke opened up the lazily tied knot and pulled out brand new box sets for all of the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings movies, then she pulled out Dirty Dancing, You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, and Sleepless in Seattle. Finally, she pulled out an Apple TV and gaped at Lexa, “What is all this!?”

“I - I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for so I got most of the things you mentioned last night and then I thought - shit, she’s probably seen all of these a million times. I didn’t know what else to get so I got an Apple TV so we could rent a movie if you weren’t in the mood for the other ones…” 

Clarke was overwhelmed, she was astounded at how thoughtful Lexa was for even remembering the movies she liked, let alone going to the store and buying all of them AND a backup. Lexa looked so incredibly sheepish and embarrassed. Lexa knew she’d gone a little crazy but she was just so excited. She wanted to provide Clarke with anything and everything she ever wanted or needed or hoped for.

“God. You’re so precious,” she cupped Lexa’s face and kissed her cheek but she couldn’t hold back the bark of laughter that clawed out of her belly. “I own all of these already because they’re my favorites but this was so thoughtful and so needed... I’m endlessly grateful for the gesture, Lexa.”

Though Lexa was embarrassed, Clarke’s gratefulness and gentleness about the situation stamped out any anxiety Lexa had about their entire situation and affirmed her feelings of wanting to be helpful to Clarke with whatever it was she was going through. 

“Also, I have an Apple TV because they’re the greatest invention Apple’s ever had. How about this… when Anya gets here, we will eat and chat. If we still want to watch a movie, we will take votes and rent something. Then tomorrow, you and I can go to Target and return all of these lovely things. Yeah?”

Lexa’s heart hammered at the thought of Clarke already wanting to see her for the third day in a row. The brunette smiled, “I think that’s perfectly reasonable.” Clarke kissed the corner of Lexa’s mouth and her fingers grazed across the brunette’s throat. Lexa gulped at the contact and when they separated Clarke gave her a wink. 

This was going to be a long evening.

\----

Raven was in the kitchen grabbing another round for herself and Clark. The knock on the door caused Raven to jump. She knocked over every beer bottle that was stacked on the counter. Clarke and Lexa started giggling at the hopeless girl. 

Clarke got up and answered the door. Anya was standing there with four large pizzas and an assortment of artisanal beers, “I didn’t know what everyone liked so I just cast out a large net. I’m sure you’ll all find something you like.”

Clarke smiled and shook her head after grabbing the pizzas from Anya’s hands. After placing them on the kitchen table, Clarke stopped to make an announcement, “Just so everyone is on the same page for the future… Raven and I are simple, uncomplicated creatures. We like Taco Bell as much as the Michelin awarded steakhouse up the road. We like Labatt or Miller Light just as much as we like fancy Great Lakes Brewing Company beer - except IPA’s. Those are disgusting. Also, neither of us are vegan or vegetarian. We just love pizza and beer. OK. I’m starving. Let’s eat.”

Lexa and Anya shared a smile.  _ They’d met their dream girls _ . 

They eventually all migrated to the couch with full bellies. They’d chatted and laughed and gotten to know a bit more about Anya. Raven and Anya kept sharing glances and eventually gravitated toward one end of the couch where Raven was able to cross her legs, resting her knee on Anya’s. Anya complained about being cold so Raven draped a blanket over her shoulders but everyone knew it was because she wanted to hold Ray’s hand. It was all very high school and precious. Clarke and Lexa weren’t shy. Clarke was practically in Lexa’s lap on the other end of the sofa.

Eventually they decided they wanted to watch a movie but it became the debate of the century and took about 45 minutes for a decision to be made. Lexa had been quiet for most of it and finally, she asked, “Has anyone seen Rogue One?” Anya rolled her eyes, Raven shrugged, and Clarke said, “Is that the space movie?”

Anya’s mouth dropped and she looked immediately at Lexa. All Lexa could do was stare at Clarke with wide eyes. “You - you’ve never seen Star Wars, Clarke?”

“Oh shit.” Anya whispered but everyone could still hear her.

“Oh shit what? Is that a bad thing?” Clarke asked. She was beginning to become concerned based upon the other girl’s reactions.

“Lexa is like… a Star Wars fucking NERD!” Anya was on the precipice of busting out with laughter. Raven was enamored with the drama of it all and she smiled along with Anya.

Lexa blinked rapidly, “I - I mean… how can you have...never seen… Star Wars? It’s - Oh my goodness - it’s like classic American culture!?” Lexa shot Raven a look, “I’m not a nerd! I’m an enthusiast!” 

Clarke’s eyes were darting back and forth between Anya and Lexa. “I - I’m sorry?”

Lexa and Anya both started laughing so hard, to the point that they both had tears running down their cheeks. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m so sorry! You should have seen your face though!” Lexa buried her face into Clarke’s shoulders. “Whew! Ok. OK. I’m OK. Star Wars has one of the most iconic movie scores in the world but I’m not mad you’ve never seen it. We are obviously going to watch it now and you should know, it’s my all-time favorite but I’m not crazy.”

Clarke playfully glared at both of them but couldn’t prevent the smile on her face. She poked Lexa hard in the shoulder, “You’re going to pay for that later!” She crossed her arms and with a *hmph* she settled down between Lexa’s legs and searched for the movie. She started to pick Episode I but everyone in the room yelled, “NO!” 

“What the fuck guys?!”

“You can’t start with the first sequential one, you have to start with the number IV - the REAL first one,” Lexa pressed a soft kiss to Clarke’s cheek as she continued to pretend-pout. 

The movie finally began to play. Lexa and Clarke shifted a bit to get more comfortable. Lexa’s mouth was pressed against Clarke’s ear, “Thank you for letting me share my favorite movie with you.” Clarke tried to hide her smile.

  
Clarke whispered back, “You ARE a Star Wars nerd but… I liked when you called me babe…”

“Did I?!”

“... yeah, you did.” Clarke smiled, grabbing one of Lexa’s hands wrapped around her and kissed her palm. “I love you, Lexa Woods.”

“I love you too, Clarke Griffin.” 


	6. The First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter I wrote while I was at work... instead of doing work. 
> 
> I changed the expected chapter amount to unknown because I can't stop myself. If there's anything you like in particular or would specifically like me to spend more time on, let me know!

Throughout the movie, Clarke clung to Lexa’s arms which were tightly wrapped around her shoulders. Every few minutes Clarke would bury her nose in the rolled-up-sleeve of Lexa’s buttondown shirt. The brunette’s skin smelled like cucumber melon lotion but her cologne was masculine with sweet undertones that were complementary to the delicious melon scent. 

Clarke suspected that the Lexa she was getting to know was vastly different from the CEO so many were already familiar with. For example, though it was a Saturday, Lexa was wearing a tailored grey suit with a white, freshly starched shirt. Either this was her ‘casual-look’ or she was planning on going to the office if Clarke had told her she didn’t want to hang out today. Clarke wondered if Lexa ever took her jacket off and rolled up her sleeves in the office. Was anyone aware of the sleeve of tattoos that coiled around her right wrist and crawled up her arm? Clarke imagined that Lexa wore full pajama sets to bed but that thought led her to think about if Lexa slept naked. She shifted and squeezed her thighs tightly together.

Lexa was soft, earnest, generous, and simply the most thoughtful person Clarke had ever met. Goosebumps rippled over Clarke’s skin while she was wrapped her reverie - strangely enough, Lexa’s skin began to prickle too. Clarke watched as the thin, dark hair on Lexa’s arms stuck up from the sensation. The wheels began to turn in Clarke’s head and she wondered what the cause may have been and - if it was her own doing.

When the end credits began to roll, Clarke sat up from lying in between Lexa’s legs. She chewed on her lip for a moment trying to decide what would be the most inconspicuous way to get a private moment with the brunette. She tentatively met Lexa’s eyes, “I - um - saw you looking at my paintings earlier. I have more if you want to see them?”

  
A small, sweet smirk graced Lexa’s lips, almost as if she was able to read Clarke’s thoughts. “I’d love to see them.”

As the two women walked towards Clarke’s bedroom, Raven caught the blonde’s eyes and gave her a panicked look. This was the first time Raven and Anya would be alone together since the club last night and even then, they spent most of it in polite conversation with both men and women who kept offering to buy their drinks. Small sparks of jealousy kept shooting off between the women. Though they both turned the individuals down, it became a sort of game to see who could collect the most suitors. They shared stolen glances, gave each other glares, but ultimately there was obvious sexual tension between them. 

Unfortunately, the suitors wouldn’t stop approaching them throughout the night and the message they were trying to send each other became muddled. Both Raven and Anya couldn’t determine if the other woman was interested or not so they split amicably and awkwardly at the end of the night.

  
All Clarke could offer Raven was a reassuring smile and a weird thumbs-up action which Anya completely saw. Raven shrugged from embarrassment.

\---

“So I don’t primarily use watercolors… but I wanted to diversify my skillset,” Clarke noted as she handed Lexa one of her portfolios. “These are some of the oil paintings I did in college and these I did with charcoal and then those just in pen.” Clarke watched Lexa’s eyes sweep over the pictures. The blonde’s blood pressure began to rise and she became increasingly shy from staring at Lexa’s intense critical gaze. 

“Clarke - these are - these are absolutely incredible. You really have such a gift,” there was no room to doubt the sincerity with which Lexa was complimenting Clarke. Based on the works she kept in her office building, she has an eye for new talent as well as a hunger for honoring the classics. 

“Wow… Th-thank you. I’ve never really shown my work to anyone who was even remotely familiar with art so it means a lot that you think I’m good.”

Lexa scoffed and met Clarke’s eyes with purpose, “You’re better than just ‘good’, Clarke. Truly. You could easily go somewhere with this if you ever desired.” Lexa saw the blush spread across Clarke’s bosom and up to the tip of her ears. She slowly set the portfolio back onto Clarke’s desk and turned to face her. Lexa slowly slid her left hand to the small of Clarke’s back and the other to the blonde’s hip. She leaned forward and softly pressed her lips to Clarke’s, only parting her lips just enough to feel the warmth of Clarke’s breath on her cheek.

“Mmm - Lex - I actually want to talk to you about something before we...,” Clarke placed her palms on Lexa’s chest. She didn’t even have to push Lexa away. Lexa automatically gave Clarke the space she needed and it didn’t go unnoticed. “On the couch - did you feel - Um. I guess what I’m trying to ask is if you’ve felt like - gosh - why is this so hard to ask? It’s not like you’ll start thinking I’m crazy NOW.” Both of them laughed nervously. “Do you feel some sort of - connection - beyond just attraction?” Clarke looked at Lexa with a face that almost seemed a lot like she was wincing in anticipation of Lexa’s response. 

“Clarke,” Lexa responded seriously. She reached for Clarke’s hand and led her to the edge of the bed where they both took a seat. “All morning I was trying to think of what to say to you without coming on too strong or coming off like I’m a lunatic. You’re not ever going to scare me away ...unless you also hide bodies under your bed, of course!” That elicited a smile from the nervous blonde but there was still obvious tension. Lexa took both of Clarke’s hands in her own and softly rubbed her fingers while she spoke again. 

“Clarke, when I was on my way here, I had this overwhelming feeling of dread - like I couldn’t breathe and all I could think was that you were in some kind of danger and that I needed to get to you.” Clarke’s eyes went wide but then immediately became guarded again. “When I got here, Raven answered the door and told me that you were OK but that you would tell me when you were ready. I want you to know first and foremost, that you can tell me anything but know that I will never pressure you or ask you about it until YOU want to bring it up - that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Second, yes, absolutely do I feel like there’s some other… bond… that’s connecting us. Especially after today.”

Clarke removed one of her hands from Lexa’s grasp and cupped the brunette’s face. “I want to tell you but I also want to be ready to tell you. Everything else about our relationship is moving so fast that I don’t want to cripple us before we start walking.” One day, Clarke would find out that this was the best decision she could have ever made. Clarke took a deep breath and paused, “I’m trying to figure out the best way to ask you to stay the night without insinuating that I want to sleep with you before I can take you on a proper date…” Clarke offered Lexa a hilariously awkward smile.

Lexa busted out laughing, “Uh - I honestly think that was the best way to do it!” She pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Clarke’s mouth, “I would love to stay the night with you and I, too, would like to wait to make love until after we’ve gone on a proper date - however, there are two problems. First, I don’t have a change of clothes and second, I will be the one taking YOU on a date.” She shrugged her shoulders like it was an undebatable fact that Clarke was just going to have to accept.

“Oh, Lexa. You’re so cute when you’re mistaken! You see - I asked you out first so that means I’m taking YOU out. Also, you can wear some of my clothes.” 

Lexa teasingly gaped at Clarke but then softened when she thought of something, “You know, no one has ever taken me on a date before…”

“NO ONE HAS EVER TAKEN YOU ON A DATE BEFORE?!” Clarke stood up and placed her fists on her hips like she was outraged - a little bit of her was. Lexa told her about past lovers and whatnot but she was actually a little bit angry that no one had wined and dined her like she deserves.

Lexa laughed, “No! Not that I can recall!”

“Well, woman, tomorrow is going to be the best damn date you’ve ever been on!” 

The hugest smile appeared on Lexa’s face and Clarke’s matched. The brunette lurched forward, wrapped her arms around Clarke, and pulled her down onto the bed. Lexa twisted to straddle Clarke’s hips, pinned her arms above her head, and whispered, “You’re so good to me.”

Clarke couldn’t help but grind her hips upwards, towards Lexa’s center. The thought from earlier, the one about Lexa being naked, crawled into her mind. She leaned up and captured Lexa’s lip between her own, tugged a little before releasing it. Clarke’s bedroom eyes were nothing like Lexa had ever seen before. They were sirens, they were calling her away to her ultimate demise. The brunette slowly lowered herself and rather than feeding into the moment, she kissed Clarke’s cheek, “Show me where I can change, m’lady.” 

Clarke groaned but was grateful for Lexa’s resolve and respect for her wishes. 

Both women changed - Lexa put on one of Clarke’s Texas A&M t-shirts and a pair of her boxer shorts. Lexa hesitated before leaving Clarke’s bathroom and finally exited. Clarke’s crystal blues shot up and stared at Lexa’s silky, tanned legs. Lexa lithely walked to the right side of her bed and began pulling back the sheets. Clarke was at her dresser, pulling out a pair of pajamas for herself before she stopped to watch Lexa bend over. Clarke was adoring how muscular Lexa’s legs were and imagining how soft her ass would be when she got to dig her fingertips into it. 

“OW! FUCK!” Clarke shook her hand and looked at her fingers.

Lexa lept from the bed and went to the bathroom to turn on the sink. She pulled Clarke by the arm and motioned for her to put her fingers underneath the ice cold water.

“I - I slammed my hand in the drawer,” Clarke embarrassingly admitted. She thought she’d blushed a lot in the last 48 hours but after being caught imagining what it would be like to grasp and grind against Lexa’s ass - she’d never been redder. 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile - she had obviously put a bit more of a swing in her hips when she left the bathroom because she had watched Clarke pull out the shortest pair of shorts in the drawer.

Lexa brought Clarke’s fingers to her lips and kissed them while making steamy eye contact with the blonde. “All better?” she whispered. Clarke eagerly nodded and swallowed hard. 

Lexa smirked, “Let’s get to bed then, yeah? I’ll walk behind you so you don’t get a concussion.”

Clarke playfully slapped Lexa on the shoulder and took off running for the bed. Lexa chased after her and there was no awkwardness when they crawled under the blankets. Lexa wrapped Clarke tightly into her arms and softly kissed the back of Clarke’s neck. They laid like this for nearly 15 minutes before Clarke slowly turned, “Babe? Are you awake?”

“Yes, darling,” though Lexa’s response was dripping with sleepiness.

“Can I… be the big spoon?”

“Y-yeah, of course…” She easily turned over and Clarke slipped an arm over Lexa’s waist. Clarke entwined their fingers and Lexa pressed their hands to her lips and cradled them to her chest.   
  
Lexa had a little trouble going back to sleep after this gesture. She didn’t think much of it when Clarke had asked but the longer she laid there, the more she thought about why being the little spoon caused her to hesitate. Lexa has always outwardly presented herself in a very masculine way. In the past, the women she’s been with have fit into this masculine/feminine norm. No one had ever asked to take Lexa on a date, they always waited for her to ask them out, and Lexa was always the big spoon. Lexa was always catering to the other women’s femininity - but Clarke made Lexa feel like there was a balance and that it was OK to not always be the one in control. 

Clarke sensed that Lexa was in deep contemplation so she lovingly squeezed the brunette with her arm, “You are so beautiful, Lexa. I would know - I slammed my hand in a drawer just to get a peek ‘dat ass.” 

Lexa and Clarke silently laughed but that turned into the giggles. Lexa had tears in her eyes from laughing so much. “OK! It wasn’t THAT funny!” 

Lexa spun around so they were both face-to-face. “No - no! But it totally was! You literally crushed your fingers because you were eye-fucking me!” 

Clarke’s eyebrows bunched together tightly in a pout - it was obvious that she was trying not to laugh. Lexa craned her neck and pressed her lips to the blonde’s knit eyebrows and gave her consecutive smooches until it was impossible for Clarke to not smile.

“You’re so cute that I can’t even properly pout at you!” Clarke grumbled. 

“Hopefully our children will have my redeeming qualities and not your pouty one’s!” 

_ Kids. Why would bring up kids?! You’ve known her for two days!! _

“You - want kids?” Clarke smiled.

Lexa contemplated what she wanted to say and what, maybe, she should say. “Yeah, loads of ‘em.”

An eager kiss was pressed to Lexa’s lips, “Me too.”

A silence fell between the women. For the first time, they were able to look closely into each other’s eyes. Lexa’s eyes were a pale green but she had specs of deep, dark brown and these strange concentric circles of gold. Clarke’s eyes were as clear as raindrops and she had what could only be described as crashing waves of dark blue and grey. 

“If our kid ever approached me and told me that they fell in love with someone they had only known for 12 hours, I would probably shit a brick but, with you, I just know it so intrinsically that I’m not afraid of - this,” Lexa’s voice was so small and honest.

“I told Raven I was going to marry you after I had a panic attack,” Clarke admitted with a sweet smile.

It started out tentatively but Lexa’s smile grew so big that her cheeks began to burn. 

“I hope - in all of my past lives - I told you every day how beautiful you are.”

Clarke’s lips crashed into Lexa’s. They said no sex but they didn’t say anything about hot, sensual make-outs. Unfortunately the makeout was cut short by a noise from across the apartment. Lexa’s hands were beneath Clarke’s shorts, gripping her ass while Clarke’s fingers were gripping Lexa’s breast. They slowly separated and became quiet, waiting to find out if there was an intruder in the house.

Another scream. Clarke and Lexa both sat up in bed - alert. Lexa was stealing herself in order to fight off an attacker and protect Clarke. 

Another scream.

“Oh. My. God.” Lexa was stunned and a slow laugh came from Clarke.

“Are they fucking?” Clarke asked to make sure she wasn’t misinterpreting those noises. She’d hate to think her best friend was getting laid when, in fact, she was being murdered.

“Uh… yeah, I think so.” They both looked at each other and burst into immature snickers.

“Maybe it’s for the best. I’m not sure how much longer I would have lasted before I wrapped my lips around your nipple,” Clarke admitted with a raised eyebrow.

Lexa gulped and slowly laid back down on her pillow. “Maybe we should put something on the television. I don’t think I can bear to listen to our friends having sex right now!”

Clarke huffed, “Seriously. I’m wetter than a slip-n-slide.”

Lexa gaped at Clarke’s vulgarity.

“I-I’m so sorry, Lex. I get a little grumpy when I don’t get what I want.” 

  
“Don’t apologize. I like knowing how wet I make you,” Lexa leaned over and whispered her admission only centimeters away from Clarke’s lips. Clarke gasped and strained when Lexa draped her leg and rubbed her knee against Clarke’s center. 

“Water. I need water.” Clarke jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom and shut the door. Lexa smiled when she saw a full glass of water already on her bedside table. After about 5 minutes, Clarke came back and slipped beneath the sheets. 

Lexa teased, “Take care of your little problem?”

“Shut up and give me some booty.” Lexa smiled and turned around to be the little spoon again. They put on a very LOUD episode of Bob’s Burgers and quickly fell asleep. 

\--- 

Lexa slowly blinked her eyes awake. She lazily swung her hand behind her to search for Clarke but she was gone. The was a gentle knock at the door as Clarke struggled to open the bedroom door. Clarke backed through the doorway, spun around, and kicked the door closed with her foot. 

“Surprise! Breakfast in bed!” Clarke was holding a tray that contained pancakes, eggs, bacon, two glasses of orange juice, two mugs of coffee and a vase of small white flowers. Lexa burst into tears and turned to hide her face in the pillows. 

“No - no - no! Lexa, what’s wrong?” Clarke quickly placed the tray on the floor beside the bed and rushed to cradle Lexa in her arms.

“Y-y-” Lexa sniffled and struggled to speak through her choked sobs, “You’re so perfect. No one has ever made me breakfast in bed. Not even C-” 

Clarke wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa and began rocking her. She ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair, “Shhhh -shhhh - I love you. I will always want to show you how much I love you, OK? You’re just going to have to get used to being taken care of too. Shhhhh.” After about 5 or so minutes, Lexa had calmed down. She apologized and Clarke demanded that Lexa never again apologize for having emotions.

“Now - let’s eat this awesome breakfast I made. Do you like cream and sugar in your coffee?”

Lexa looked up at Clarke, her long, brown eyelashes were stuck together making them look even bigger and more bovine. She was gorgeous even with snot leaking from her nose. Clarke couldn’t help but pepper kisses all over the brunette’s face.   
  
Lexa finally smiled, “Yes, but only a little.”

They shared their breakfast, stealing glances and offering smiles the entire time. 

“Clarke, what kind of flower is that?”

Clarke looked panicked, “Uhhh - that’s a candytuft.”

“Does it mean anything?” Lexa inquired innocently.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that,” Clarke mumbled. “Yeah, it represents indifference…” 

Lexa barked out a laugh. 

“I’m sorry! It’s all I had around the house on such short notice!” 


	7. The One Inside the Apartments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was asked about this story on Tumblr and I explained that there are certain parts of the story that are based on true experiences (which is fun to turn to fiction) but that most of the story is free flow. I sit down in front of the computer and just pour my fluffy, smutty guts out. That's why I miss a lot of mistakes, misspellings, and grammatical issues (particularly with tense). 
> 
> I go back and reread it a few days later, after it's original post date and will edit little things but even then, my dyslexia skips over stuff. If there's something pertinent to the flow or understanding of the story that you notice, feel free to mention it and I'm more than happy to fix it or clarify.

After nibbling on the edges of the last pancake, Clarke sat up with a huff, “OK. I’ll shower first and change. I’m sure you’ll want to go to your place to change too so…”

Lexa smiled, knowing that Clarke wasn’t intentionally trying to invite herself over to the brunette’s apartment, but then a thought crossed her mind that she was stunned she hadn’t considered yet. She had been so wrapped up in the immediate pleasures of Clarke’s company that she hadn’t considered how their relationship may affect Clarke’s life.

The blonde noticed the crinkle deepening in Lexa’s brow, “What’s the matter, Lex?” She placed her thumb between the brunette’s eyes and began to rub the concern away.

“I’ve been so selfish, Clarke. I haven’t considered what me dating you could mean for your life. If we step out in public together…”

Clarke slumped back into her pillows, realizing that she, too, hadn’t considered that detail. This will affect her personal life, this will affect her work life - it could potentially prevent her from walking to and from work, which she loves to do.  _ What am I going to do? Tell the woman I’m madly in love with that I can’t be with her because I don’t want to deal with her life? _

“No. No! Absolutely not.”

Lexa’s heart clenched painfully.

Clarke immediately reached out for Lexa’s shoulders, “Oh my gosh! No. I was responding to a question in my own head. I’m not going to lie - it does scare me quite a bit. This is all changing so much, so quickly. But if not now, then when, you know?” Clarke grabbed both of Lexa’s hands and toyed with the edges of her thumb. “It’s a big decision to make and one we probably shouldn’t make while we are high on the sugar from all that maple syrup,” that got a chuckle out of the suddenly serious brunette. “We will lay low, grab brunch and run our errands, and we’ll just enjoy our day. Then tonight we can come up with a plan for the future… sound good?”

Lexa looked into Clarke’s blue eyes before lifting the blonde’s hands and placing a soft kiss to each of her wrists, “Sounds perfect.”

Clarke was overwhelmed by her feelings for Lexa. It was like a freight train drove straight through her. She lept at the brunette, wrapping her arms around her neck, and pressed their lips together. Clarke pressed her left hand to the back of Lexa’s head, pulling her in deeper. Her right hand slid to the side of Lexa’s face, her fingertips grazing across the soft skin of her cheek. She could even taste the coffee and maple syrup still on Lexa’s lips when she slid the tip of her tongue across the brunette’s bottom lip. A soft and wanting moan crawled out of Lexa’s throat.

Lexa’s whole body clenched at the sensation of having Clarke on top of her and touching her so softly. Even if she had wanted to stop herself, she couldn’t have stopped her hands from running up Clarke’s thighs. The blonde shifted, trying to squeeze her thighs together as the goosebumps trailed in place of Lexa’s hands. 

This started the game of wills - to see how far they could push each other until the other caved. 

Clarke gently sucked on Lexa’s soft, puffy bottom lip but when Lexa escalated her soft caresses to caresses that involved fingernails, Clarke retaliated by biting down. Lexa grunted and roughly gripped Clarke’s ass. When Clarke didn’t immediately release Lexa’s lip, Lexa slapped the blonde’s ass cheek. Clarke leaned back with a gasp and gaped at Lexa.

Lexa was terrified that she had crossed a line. She struggled to prop herself up on her elbows to begin profusely apologizing but Clarke pressed her palm to Lexa’s chest, pushing her to lay on her back again. Clarke leaned down and licked the corner of Lexa’s jaw to her ear. Lexa could feel Clarke’s hot breath prickling the tiny hairs on her skin when she whispered, “You pull a stunt like that again… I’m going to demand you fuck me right here.”

Lexa felt like she swallowed her tongue. She gritted her teeth trying to fight the urge to plunge her fingers inside of Clarke’s burning center. “Cllllllarke…” instead, she dug her fingers into the blonde’s hips. Clarke jumped off with a bright smile, leaving Lexa frozen in place. With a bright smile, she said, “Looks like I won. Next time, don’t pick a fight you can’t win, Woods.” Clarke winked and headed to the bathroom where she turned on the shower. 

Once on the other side of the door, she stepped into the warm shower, huffed out a breath, and slowly placed her right hand between her legs.  _ Oh God. _ Clarke slid her fingers over her clit and her legs immediately began to quiver. She planted her left hand on the shower wall for stability as she slipped two of her fingers inside.  _ OH FUCK!  _ She began grinding into her palm, faster and harder. Clarke pressed her forehead to where her hand was and began sucking on fingers, imagining they were Lexa’s. She slid her left palm down her chest and gripped the nipple of her right breast. “ _ Oh! Shit! Shit shit shit! _ ” Clarke gripped her breast in her hand and clenched around her own fingers as she came. 

As Clarke came down, she breathed out in deep huffs. She quickly shampooed her hair and washed her body. When she exited the bathroom, Lexa was sitting on the bed in her suit from the day before, glaring. 

“That’s not very fair of you, Clarke,” Lexa deadpanned. 

Clarke turned and pretended to be sifting through her dresser for a pair of clothes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…” she scoffed. Clarke didn’t even hear Lexa get off from the bed and stand directly behind her.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear and pinned the blonde’s body against the tall dresser. 

Clarke gasped. “What? Are you going to punish me?” Clarke bit her bottom lip at the thought of Lexa taking her for purely her own pleasure.

“Yes,” Lexa stated sternly.

“How?” Clarke tilted forward and grinded her ass against Lexa’s crotch.

Lexa chuckled, “By making you wait twice as long in my apartment when I shower.” Lexa stepped away from Clarke’s towel-covered body and left the room, shutting the bedroom door behind her. Clarke felt the urge to take care of herself again but didn’t want to add more time to Lexa’s running clock. She groaned and began dressing for the day. 

\----

When Lexa left Clarke’s room, she found Raven and Anya snuggled on the couch with their legs tangled with one another like a pretzel. When Anya saw Lexa, she immediately sat up and separated herself from Raven. Raven rolled her eyes and waved at Lexa who smiled in return. 

“Anya, we know you two slept together. It’s obvious,” Lexa offered her best friend a sweet smile which caused the tension in Anya’s shoulders to relax. “Also, we heard you two howling like wildcats for hours.” Anya’s body went rigid and her eyes wide while Raven snorted. 

“That wasn’t me! That was all her last night,” Raven said smugly.

Anya shot her lover a look that was meant to be menacing but she couldn’t help the smile forming in the corner of her mouth. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Why? You don’t want anyone to know you mew like a little pussy cat in bed?” Raven teased.

“OH MY GOD!” Lexa and Anya screamed in unison.

“What the hell is going on out here?” Clarke finally exited the room in black leather leggings, knee-high brown boots, and a giant sweater that Lexa wanted to crawl inside. 

“Your friend is trying to make me throw up in my mouth!” Lexa feigned disgust.

“Me too!” Anya admitted which resulted in a foot jab in the shoulder from Raven. 

“OK, kids! The house is all yours. I’m whisking Clarke away from your sex den. We will be back later!” Lexa chivalrously helped Clarke into her coat. 

“Or not…” Clarke murmured. Lexa pretended she didn’t hear Clarke other than the smirk that appeared in the corner of her mouth. 

Lexa and Clarke stepped outside into the cool air. Clarke stepped toward the curb to hail a cab but Lexa grabbed her arm and slid their fingers together. “My house isn’t far. I thought we could walk…”

Clarke’s head tilted to the side in curiosity. The Woods Corporation building where the gala had been and Lexa’s custom-tailored suits, were the only things that gave Clarke clues as to how well off Lexa really was. She figured that Lexa lived in some fancy high rise with lots of things and a doorman - at LEAST!

Clarke kept stealing glances at the brunette who just kept smirking back at her, like she knew what Clarke was thinking about. After a brisk 15 minute walk, Lexa stopped in front of a gorgeous brownstone apartment. Clarke turned and looked up, realizing they had only walked a few blocks and were now standing in front of her house.    
  
“Not what you imagined, huh?” 

“N-no. Honestly, not even close.”

“I don’t live as ostentatiously as some may assume…” Lexa teased and Clarke rolled her eyes.

Lexa led her into the apartment and Clarke was shocked at how beautifully cultivated it was. The floors were a dark cherry. There was a coiling, wrought iron staircase in the far corner. The hallway leading to Lexa’s office was lined with bookshelves full of books. Lexa grabbed her hand and led her into the kitchen. Everything was marbled and fancy but still had this dark, woodsy, brooding ambiance that Lexa seemed to exude. There were two staircases that led to the master bedroom, the spiraling one and there was another leading directly from the kitchen to the master suite. Lexa led Clarke up the narrow staircase through the kitchen and opened her bedroom door. The room was the entire length of the downstairs portion of the house. 

Her bedroom was entirely different than the downstairs decor. The dark wood continued but everything was covered in soft greys and whites and was drenched in natural sunlight. Lexa walked Clarke to the front facing window. She explained how she had had the contractors blow out the wall and put a huge glass window that took up the entire wall. The bottom part of the glass was frosted so you could walk around naked at all times of day, but the top was totally clear, allowing you to see beautiful trees and an amazing skyline. 

“Lexa, this is gorgeous,” Clarke was astonished with how in love she was with the apartment. It was small and cozy but striking, clearly built for two. “How long have you lived here?”

“Less than a year?” Lexa was unsure. “It took so long to build and I was up here nearly every day giving directions and making changes. It felt like I lived here the entire time.”

“I don’t think I’d be able to do that. I think if I had that much say in building my own place, I’d be so eager to live in it that I simply wouldn’t have the patience for it. I’d have to dictate it to someone and they’d have to go off and do it without me knowing or else I’ll just be an absolute pill to deal with. I’d be hated!”

“God! I can’t even imagine!” Lexa teased causing Clarke to try and playfully punch her in the arm. Lexa ran away and stepped into the master bathroom, “Make yourself at home, please!” Lexa smiled at Clarke so genuinely. She wanted nothing more than for Clarke to feel at home, to feel comfort with her in all aspects.

Lexa quickly undressed and jumped in the shower. The excitement of Clarke being inside her apartment and loving it had shifted her mood away from a sexy one to that of childlike giddiness. She wrapped herself in a towel and exited from the bathroom directly into her enormous closet. This is where she found Clarke.

“I picked out an outfit for you,” Clarke said it so matter-of-factly that it left virtually no room for Lexa to protest. There was a pair of grey skinny jeans, black boots, a casual button-down, a navy bomber jacket, and a knit beanie placed on the large ottoman in the middle of the room.

Lexa hesitated. She hadn’t worn anything like this since she was in college. She was the CEO of a nationwide company and needed to always represent herself in such a way that demanded respect, even if it meant sacrificing her own comfort. Lexa had begun to protest but Clarke cut her off, “Lex, I LOVE you in your suits,” she offered the woman a reassuring wink, “but in order for us to go under the radar - to not peek too much interest, I think it might be best that you dress down.” 

Lexa nodded and smiled, “Ah! Aren’t you a smarty!” She wrapped her arms around the blonde and kissed the corner of her mouth. “OK. Let me get dressed real quick and we can go to Target first and then maybe we can grab some lunch.” 

“Sounds perfect,” Clarke planted a kiss on Lexa’s irresistible lips and didn’t hide her eyes as they trailed down the brunette’s naked shoulders and bare legs. 

“Eyes up, Griff.” 

Clarke pouted when she left the closet. She collapsed across the neatly made king-sized bed. “Fuck - she’s perfection,” Clarke murmured to herself as she thought about Lexa’s caramel shoulders and the wavy brunette hair that was sticking to her neck and shoulders. Clarke loved Lexa’s dark evergreen eyes and loved the freckles that bespeckled her nose that you could only see up close. She was lost in her thoughts and woke with a gasp when she heard Lexa clear her throat.

Clarke hadn’t realized that the tips of her fingers had raised the hem of her sweater and she had begun to caress the skin of her own bare hip. “Erm - how long have you been standing there?” Clarke asked as she sat up to dangle her feet over the edge of the tall bed.

“Long enough. You feeling OK?” Lexa asked cheekily as she shoved her hands in her jean pockets.

Clarke swallowed despite the desert inside her mouth. She looked Lexa up and down. Her casual look did nothing to dull her beauty. Now she just looked like a goddess in street clothes. “How are you so fucking hot?” Clarke’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth from embarrassment. 

Lexa barked out a laugh and then slowly walked toward the bed. She placed one knee on the bed and then moved the other around to straddle Clarke’s legs. She leaned into Clarke’s ear and breathily admitted, “I thought the same thing when you came out of the room wearing these tight leather leggings,” Lexa planted a kiss on Clarke’s neck and ground down into the blonde’s hips. “I thought about how hot your ass looked and how much I wanted to press you against the wall and -”

Clarke pushed Lexa off and onto the bed. She stood up with a huff and tucked her hair behind her ear, “Take me on a date. Right now.” 

Lexa couldn’t help the smile that creeped across her face. “I knew you’d cave first. In anticipation, I already made a reservation. Would you like to go on a lunch date with me, Clarke Griffin?” She had crawled to her knees on the bed so she was eye to eye with the blonde, close enough to wrap her arms around her.

Clarke’s arms were folded but she couldn’t stay mad at Lexa for too long for teasing her. She could, however, effectively pout for an indefinite period. She was an expert at that. Though Lexa wasn’t making it easy on the blonde, Clarke truly admired and respected Lexa for wanting to wait to take that step together. Clarke had thought about it in the shower - everything about their relationship was moving so quickly that savoring this one, very important thing would make it that much more special for them. 

“Fine, Lexa Woods. I’ll go on a lunch date with you,” she kept her arms crossed and rolled her eyes but she couldn’t stop the smile from forming when Lexa’s face lit up. Lexa’s smile was like Christmas morning and every time Clarke got to see it, she turned into a puddle. 

When they left the apartment, they did hail a cab. Lexa noted that it was her first cab ride in almost 5 years. Clarke couldn’t hold back the few jokes she threw at Lexa for being spoiled when she saw the brunette pull down her sleeve to open the cab’s door handle. 

“Germs, Clarke!” Lexa whispered her exasperation as to not offend the cab driver.

“Lexa, do you open your own mail?”   
  
“Yes, of course. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Do you think your mailman washes his hands after rubbing one out in the truck before delivering your mail? Or any of your employees who touch documents, door handles, electronics… your hands come into indirect contact with, on average, 15 penises a day…”

Lexa. Was. Mortified. “Why would you tell me that?! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW THAT!?”

Clarke had been looking out the window and was completely unphased by the information, “Raven and I got curious-drunk once and Googled it.” She turned and began digging in her purse. She found what she was looking for and turned to offer Lexa the item with a cheeky smile, “Hand sani?”

Lexa gave Clarke a death stare but still accepted the sanitizer, “You’ve effectively ruined my entire life.”

“Consider it payback for the little stunt you pulled inside your apartment.”

Lexa clamped her jaw shut and squinted at the smiling blonde. Lexa had met her match. 


	8. QUESTION (not a chapter)

Look, the most irritating thing in the world is when authors update with a non-chapter - I GET IT!   
  
I'm only doing this because I'm at a crossroads and I need y'all to weigh in - also, I update pretty often so you can bite me (kidding)  
  


  1. Do you want this story to continue in this like simple/romantic/angsty/soul mate thing where it's not really questioned and they just accept it as a part of their reality?   
  
 **OR**  
  

  2. Do you want me to get a little science fiction-y/soul matey-through-timey wimey and they each slowly start having memory dreams of lives from the past? GASP!  
  




I'll delete this tomorrow night and I'll update then or Friday night!  
  
Thank you and stuff!


	9. The Sunday Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's music that goes with the end of the chapter:
> 
> The Weekend by SZA  
> Falling by OPIA  
> Waste Away by blackbear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for letting me know how you wanted the story to move forward. It was overwhelmingly leaning toward keeping it simple and so that's what I did - however, I did leave it open so that if I ever wanted to do a part II that was more in that vein, I could, but also, it's funny.
> 
> Also, you are all SO lovely - seriously the nicest and most supportive people. As a thank you gift, I bequeath the longest chapter ever unto all of you!

They arrived at a small restaurant on the other side of the city. The interior was very dark and sensuous and it was clearly very upscale. The hostess greeted them before slowly raking her eyes up and down Lexa’s body. It was very clear to Clarke that the woman was checking out her Lexa. 

_ Her _ Lexa.

Clarke jutted out her jaw as the hostess continued to completely disregard her presence while Lexa leaned over the bar to greet the very tall and very handsome black man who owned the establishment. Lexa was wholly innocent and unaware of the attention from the obtrusive hostess. The brunette reached out for Clarke and introduced her to the bartender. He shook her hand and introduced himself as Lincoln, an old college friend of Lexa’s. Lincoln was incredibly genuine and very accommodating. Clarke asked how long he had owned the restaurant and he went into his whole background as a business major turned chef. The hostesses glare at Lexa’s hand at the small of Clarke’s back was not missed by the blonde.

Lincoln eventually led Clarke and Lexa into a private room in the back which appeared to typically only be open for dinner hours. Clarke assumed that’s what Lexa meant earlier by “made a reservation”. 

Clarke had bourbon pork tenderloin upon Lincoln’s recommendation and it was the most delectable thing she had ever tasted. At least that’s what she thought before she tasted the potato pate’ that came with it. Lexa smiled every time Clarke made that small, moaning noise after each bite. Lexa considered the fact that anyone else making these noises would be incredibly irritating but it was Clarke and everything Clarke did was pleasantly adorable.

“You’re watching me eat…” Clarke noted as she sipped her red wine.

Lexa simply shrugged her shoulders, “Stop being cute while you eat and I won’t be forced to stare.”

It wasn’t an extraordinary compliment but something about it was so intimate that it made Clarke blush. 

“So, Clarke, how did a small town Texan girl end up in the big city owning a flower shop? Also, do you need to go in?! It’s been closed all weekend…”

Clarke smiled into another sip, “I didn’t have any deliveries scheduled and I own it - I can do what I want. If I want to shut it down for two days so I can fall in love with a total stranger,” Clarke teasingly shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, “then whatever.” 

Lexa nodded and smirked, “Well then, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you come about owning a flower shop?”

Clarke knew there was nothing sinister about Lexa’s inquiry, she was just trying to get to know Clarke. However, the blonde knew her own personal fortune would come up at some point and what better time than now?

“Apparently my parents had a lot of life insurance. Rather than using the money to raise me exorbitantly, my grandparents saved it until I graduated college. How-woo asked me what I would do if I came into a fortune and I told him I’d open a flower shop in a big city. I knew it might not be successful but I’ve always loved flowers. I have invested and donated most of the money. I taught myself how to invest and then made enough from that to hire someone to do it for me...” 

Clarke paused for a moment because she could feel herself getting emotional thinking about her parents and how much she had accomplished for herself without them. Clarke was rarely emotional about them except during the annual telephone call from her grandparents on the anniversary of Jake and Abby’s deaths. Clarke cleared her throat, pushing away the feelings, “Um - they always sent me flowers on my birthday when they were overseas and my grandparents continue the tradition after they - erm - well, you know the story. So yeah. Then Raven was accepted to NYU and I thought where better than the Big Apple for a flower shop?” 

Lexa wasn’t phased by the nonchalance and awkward joke at the end of Clarke’s recount. The brunette saw right through to the pain that Clarke neatly tucked away. Many people feel the urge to touch you, to tell you they are sorry for you, or to ask if you’re OK when talking about death. Lexa was very familiar with the phenomenon and hated as much as she expected that Clarke did too. Instead, Lexa steered the conversation away after noticing Clarke’s shift, “What kind of flowers were they?”

“Camellias. They are always camellias,” Clarke was staring vacantly at her glass of wine but suddenly looked up to give Lexa a quick smile that quickly disappeared behind the red liquid.

Lexa smirked, “And are camellias your favorite of all the flowers?”

Clarke was grateful to Lexa for the easy shift and finally offered the brunette a calm, genuine smile, “Why? Are you trying to collect information about me?”

Lexa leans back casually in her chair, crosses her legs, and pretends to be contemplating something heavily, “Well, I’ll need to know what kind of flowers to buy you every year on your birthday. Obviously, you and I will have a couple-flower that we exchange strictly on our anniversary… the other holidays will be reserved for jewelry and vacations to warm places.” 

“Oh my! You have thought this through thoroughly. Unfortunately you forgot to mention what  **your** favorite flower is, my darling.” Clarke leans forward with a cheeky smile.

Lexa’s deep green eyes stare straight into Clarke’s effervescent blue’s for several long moments, almost like she was challenging her. “I have recently become quite fond of the Texas Bluebonnet,” she takes the last sip from her glass.

A slow smile spread across Clarke’s face, “Yes, they are quite charming little flowers. Pride of the south really,” Clarke leaned back in her chair and draped her elbow casually over the back while Lexa squinted at her, “You know, I was reading an article JUST the other day that said Texas Bluebonnets were the **_most_** **_gorgeous_** flowers in the world…”

Lexa’s teasing glare became steely as she shifted her jaw around trying to think of a quick-witted response to being toyed with, “Well then - looks like I have a good eye. Did this article say anything about the prowess, intellect, or the countenance of a camellia?” 

Clarke understood that Lexa was looking for the blonde to stroke her ego a bit - “Nope,” Clarke stood and began walking away from the table. 

Lexa laughed and followed after her. When she got outside there was no sign of the blonde. Lexa began walking down the sidewalk when the front of her shirt was gripped by a fist, pulling her into the shadows of the alleyway. Lexa smiled at being only inches away from Clarke’s mouth but withheld a kiss from the blonde. Instead, Lexa pressed her knee between Clarke’s thighs, eliciting a gasp from Clarke’s throat. Clarke’s fingers curled around Lexa’s neck, pulling her closer so she could whisper into the brunette’s ear, “Are you mine?” Clarke pressed kisses down Lexa’s jaw to her chin.

Lexa closed her eyes and groaned, “God - yes, Clarke. I’m yours.”

Clarke slid away from Lexa and began walking away with a bit of a skip in her step. She turned her head over her shoulder and winked at the stunned brunette, “Then you might want to tell the hostess in there you’ve got a girlfriend so next time she doesn’t eyefuck you right in front of me.” 

Lexa was dumbfounded but in the best way. She ran to catch up to the blonde and took her hand in her own. Clarke looked up and smiled sweetly before admitting, “Sorry, that was a weird way to introduce the  _ girlfriends  _ conversation…”

Lexa tugged on Clarke’s arm and pulled her to a stop, “Clarke Griffin, will you be my -”

“Uh-uh! You do NOT get to steal my thunder so that 10 years from now you tell our friends that you made the first move! I’m asking YOU to be MY girlfriend!”

“There… didn’t seem to be much of a question in there…” Lexa laughed.

Clarke glared back.

“Yes. Yes, I will be your girlfriend,” Lexa laughed before kissing Clarke’s cheek like they were third-graders trading Valentine’s Day cards.    
  


Clarke smiled at the sweet kiss and they eventually began walking down the sidewalk again with no particular destination in mind.    
  
\---

Lexa was stopped a few times by people on the street who wanted to shake her hand or to take a picture. She wasn’t a typical celebrity like the ones you see in magazines or movies. Instead, most New Yorkers knew her because she was always directly involved in various communities either by financially and/or physically helping rebuild low-income areas. Lexa also apparently owns a women’s soccer team which Clarke didn’t even know New York had a women’s soccer team. Lexa said that was part of the problem and it was her goal to change that and to make soccer just as popular as other sports for kids and families in the area.   
  
Clarke stepped aside when Lexa was approached to make herself scarce. It didn’t bother her like she imagined it might. Instead, she got to see how others appreciated and loved Lexa is in the area. It was incredibly heartwarming for Clarke to see how many lives that Lexa has positively affected over the years.

Two young teenaged girls stopped Lexa and nervously asked her to sign their New York Striker jerseys. When Lexa thanked them both, one of the girls turned to Clarke and said, “You’re SO lucky!” and they both skittered away in fits of giggles. 

“Fantastic. I already have to beat off grown men and women with sticks but now also children…” Clarke teased and Lexa was bright red at the girl’s obvious flirtation when she signed their shirts. 

Clarke decided not to tease Lexa about her fans. She knew that Lexa was too humble to ever really have a big head about any of it and any teasing from the blonde would’ve led Lexa to thinking that it bothered Clarke and that wasn’t the case at all. “How old were you when you knew you were a lesbian, Lexa?”

“Oof. I didn’t suspect until I was 17 and I didn’t come out until I was 19. After Mom passed, Dad sent me to a Catholic boarding school so an opportunity to learn about sex or homosexuality was nearly impossible.”

“Wow. I’m surprised…”

“Ha! It wasn’t one of THOSE boarding schools, Clarke. It was nun-like, super strict, hardly any free time.”

“I’m so sorry. That sounds incredibly… lonely.”

Lexa smiled towards the ground, “It was but I received a very good education, I guess…”

“Yeah, but at what cost? Our babies will go to public school! We will leave the city and raise them in some small, Midwestern town, and they will never be lonely.”

“Is that, right? And how many of these ‘babies’ are we talking?”

“Ten.”

Lexa gulped. 

  
“I’m totally kidding, my love! Did you think I was serious? Oh my goodness! Your eyes were literal saucers,” Clarke turned to grip each of Lexa’s cheeks and pressed a sweet kiss to the corner of her mouth. “I do want to have more than one but I like the idea of adopting - I don’t know. I guess having kids was one of those abstract things that I wanted but would logistically never be able to do.”

Lexa nodded quietly. “Costia and I talked kids and it was always about her being the biological mother. I - I guess because I was the “butch” or the “man” in the relationship, me carrying was never an option to consider but… I think that I’d like to - maybe. I don’t know.” Lexa was clearly uncomfortable with the admission.

Clarke was holding Lexa’s right hand with her left and reached over to grip the brunette’s bicep and nuzzled her face into Lexa’s shoulder. After a few steps of silence Clarke said, “I’d like that.”

“You’d like what?” Lexa had already moved on in her head. It was going a million miles a minute after she worried she had freaked Clarke out. 

“I’d like you to carry - I mean, at least one of them. We could each have one, swap eggs - there’s so much you can do now. For me it’s not about being more attached to a biological child, I’m positive I would love all of our kids equally - I just want to… experience being pregnant.”

Lexa turned her head to kiss the top of Clarke’s forehead as a thank you for not invalidating her feelings or making her ever feel uncomfortable. Clarke’s sweet face was still nuzzled into Lexa’s arm, “You would be so beautiful pregnant, Clarke.”

“Gosh, you would be too! I bet you’d be all petite and tiny and perfect,” Clarke said with a tinge of jealousy. “But your boobs would me - MWAH!” Clarke made a motion to kiss her fingers like the stereotypical Italian guys do in cartoons. 

Lexa rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but laugh out loud. She loved how easy it was to talk to Clarke and to admit things about herself that made her shy or embarrassed. Clarke made Lexa feel safe and protected - like home. 

\---

They found themselves in a small antique bookstore that neither of them had ever seen before. “Let’s play a game!” Lexa suggested.

“Ooh! OK! Yes!” 

“...you don’t know what the game is…”

“Yeah, but I don’t care cause I’m super competitive and I’ll always win!” Clarke clapped and rubbed her hands together mischievously. 

“It’s not that kind of game…” Lexa smiled seeing Clarke getting ramped up. Lexa thought maybe they should go play tennis for a date or something when it starts warming up outside to appease ‘Adrenaline Junkie Clarke’ over here. 

“OK, let’s go inside for 20 minutes - we each pick out a book for each other - then we can go find a quiet coffee shop and read them for a while. Afterwards we have to tell each other about the book.” 

“That actually sounds really cool. OK - GO!” Clarke sprinted off down one of the dark, narrow aisles and then Lexa turned around to go the other way. After twenty minutes, Clarke heard a faint beeping noise signaling the end of their search. They met at the counter, purchased their secret books, and then found a coffee shop literally next door. They settled in a quiet room with a soft leather loveseat. Lexa took one corner but then Clarke laid down, with her head on Lexa’s lap, and her feet thrown over the armrest of the couch. They exchanged books and began silently reading. Luckily enough, they had both been completely enraptured in their books for over an hour. 

Clarke picked out  _ Americanah  _ by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie which was a love story about a girl who immigrated to America from Nigeria. Lexa loved it - even googled it and found out there was going to be a movie made about it.

Lexa picked out  _ The Story of My Wife: The Reminiscences of Captain Storr  _ by Milan Fust. It was a fictional story about a captain who was recounting the story of his marriage to his ex-wife. Though she died years later in Spain, he truly believed he witnessed her reappearance, further solidifying his theory that she had been a “depraved woman” and ran off with another man. 

Lexa put her hands up in defense, “Honestly, I couldn’t make up my mind and I thought it was going to be a love story!” She was snickering as Clarke recounted the strange few chapters she had read. She went online and looked up the ending and it is revealed that it’s not really about his ex-spouse’s infidelity but about the captain’s own futile life. 

Clarke sat up from laying on Lexa’s lap, “Lexa - that’s dark as fuck! Why would you make me read that!?” They both were in fits of giggles. 

“I’m so sorry, darling,” Lexa mewled but still wore a brilliant smile. “My book is actually really good. I think I’m going to keep reading it - so thank you!”

Clarke rolled her eyes and put her head back on Lexa’s thigh. They stayed quiet like this for nearly twenty minutes. Clarke stared at the wall ahead of her and got lost imagining a life with Lexa. She fast forwarded through time and thought about what their house might look like, whether their kids would have shaggy hair or long, loose curls. Clarke wondered if reincarnation actually existed and if so, were they able to find each other and live long happy lives or were there lives where they never found each other or… lost each other. 

Clarke didn’t realize that her heart was racing and her fists were clenched until a sudden flow of warmth coated Clarke’s entire body. It felt like a fresh, warm blanket straight from the dryer had been draped over her. Clarke looked up and saw that Lexa’s eyes were closed. “Lexa,” Clarke whispered and the brunette’s eyes popped open. 

“Yes?” She responded calmly despite the look of concern on Clarke’s face. 

“What were you thinking about - just now?”

Lexa squirmed a little not wanting to sound strange or delusional. “I - I was just sitting here, meditating. I felt happy, soft, hopeful. Then something inside me turned but I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. I remembered what Raven had told me yesterday about your episode and how I - sensed - your distress,” Lexa got even more squirmy so Clarke sat up to give her a little space. “I thought maybe the shift in my mediation was from you. I opened my eyes and yours were closed but you looked troubled and your hands were tight. It’s silly but I thought maybe I could… help… calm you.”

Clarke’s eyes were wide but the rest of her face was calm. “You… did. I felt this overwhelming… reassurance. I know it didn’t come from me because the  _ feeling _ was so - specific.”

Lexa finally lifted her eyes to meet Clarke’s, “How do you feel about maybe going back to my place to do some research about soulmates sharing deeper, emotional connections?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! That’s actually something I was thinking about doing myself. Let’s go.” They both jumped up and scurried away. Not only were they eager to find out if anyone else had met their soulmate and what that had been like for them but they also shared a revulsion for the idea of not spending any more time together. Any suggestion to continue being near one another sounded like the better option. 

\-----

The girls sat on the floor in Lexa’s office. It had a quiet, almost ancient, feel to it. They decided there was no better place to research the history of soulmates than in a miniature library. 

Lexa leaned against her favorite leather chair with her laptop on her legs. Clarke sat on the other side of the room with an atlas because, despite what movies might suggest, not all libraries have the exact books they needed to begin their journey. Instead, she just kept finding the locations of each story Lexa read to her. 

Ancient monks from Sri Lanka, Japan, and Tibet wrote about the powerful emotional connections shared by true soulmates which can be channeled through meditation and focus. Lexa found some translated texts from shamans in various African cultures and a few texts from Incan cultures that believed soulmates were alien beings that came to earth millions of years ago who reincarnate over and over. 

The girls slowly met each other’s wide eyes and then bursted into laughter. 

“This is ridiculous and futile and maybe we should just accept it as one of those things we just innately share and we can stop questioning it,” Clarke suggested with a yawn and a tired shrug. 

“I think that’s a beautiful idea. Are you hungry? Would you like to stay for dinner? I’m a pretty good cook! By pretty good, I mean fucking amazing.” Lexa bent down to help the very stiff Clarke off the floor. 

“Yes, please Chef Lexa. All this reading and brain power made me work up an appetite.”

“Clarke - the only book you read was an atlas - which is just pictures…” 

Clarke scoffed in pretend offense, “How dare you tease your soulmate through space and time! I will sick my alien friends on you and you’ll be begging for me to show mercy!”

Lexa stepped so close to Clarke that their noses brushed. Lexa whispered against the blonde’s pink lips, “I don’t think you’d have to go through that much trouble to get me to beg.”

Clarke’s eyes turned a darker shade of blue as they shifted down to look at Lexa’s supple lips and then back up. The blonde took her own lip into her mouth and bit down, trying to distract herself from all of the images and thoughts that had been building up throughout the day.

Lexa leaned forward to whisper into Clarke’s ear, “What? You don’t like the idea of me on my knees begging for you to-”

Clarke’s stomach growls.  _ Fuck. _

The women were cheek to cheek so Clarke was able to feel the smile spreading on Lexa’s mouth. “I guess you’re hungrier than we thought. How does chicken with some roasted sweet potatoes sound?”

Clarke nodded, her cheeks still pink from the embarrassment over her stomach’s interruption. Lexa led Clarke to the kitchen, the tips of their fingers barely grasped together. Lexa handed Clarke some sweet potatoes and a knife and she turned to put some music on before prepping the chicken. After a few minutes, the girls began to sway to the music. 

“What are we listening to?”

“Um… right now this is The Weekend by SZA but we are listening to my Pandora station. Do you like it? I can change it if you don’t.”

“No! I actually really like your station. It’s like sexy R&B but everything kind of has this electronic undertone. I don’t know. I love it - a lot!”

The song changed and now it was playing Falling by OPIA. After a few moments, she heard Clarke humming along. Lexa stopped seasoning the chicken to look over her shoulder. She saw Clarke from behind, barefoot and swaying back and forth to the music. Lexa could not have looked away from the blonde’s beautiful, swaying body even if someone blared a siren in her ear. 

The brunette’s eyes trailed up and down Clarke’s curves as she rocked her hips. Lexa pressed her own hips against the kitchen counter in front of her, trying to satisfy the urge to press up against the blonde. Lexa pursed her lips and trapped them between her teeth so hard she thought she might bleed.

Clarke could feel Lexa’s burning gaze raking over her body so she put a bit more effort into the show. Finally, Clarke turned to look at Lexa but the brunette quickly looked away to focus back on her task. Clarke smiled with satisfaction and started putting the potatoes on the pan like nothing between them had transpired.

The next song that came on was Waste Away by blackbear. Lexa sighed because she remembered listening to this song over and over after she’d fatefully walked into Clarke’s flower shop. Suddenly, Clarke was there standing directly behind the brunette. The blonde’s left hand snuck around to the front of Lexa’s body, settling just below her bellybutton. Lexa’s hands became a little shaky prompting her to set the knife down. Clarke pressed her hips roughly against Lexa’s ass, eliciting a groan from the brunette. 

As the song progressed, Clarke began to lead Lexa into a gentle sway. Clarke leaned over Lexa’s shoulder and the tip of her tongue trailed up the edge of Lexa’s ear. The brunette’s eyelids grew heavy and her head lolled back, exposing her neck to Clarke’s mouth. The blonde began pressing harder into their sway until they were fully grinding in the kitchen to the music.

Lexa reached her arms backward and her fingers threaded through the blonde’s loose curls. Clarke’s hands raked up and down Lexa’s taut stomach, eventually finding their way beneath her shirt. Clarke was sure that Lexa had the softest, warmest skin in the entire world and all she could think about was pressing her tongue and her lips across it.

Lexa spun around, allowing for her leg to slide between Clarke’s and one of Clarke’s between her own. Clarke’s left hand curled around the back of Lexa’s next and the other rested on her hip. Lexa’s hands snaked around and rested on the lowest part of Clarke’s lower back. After a few moments, Lexa finally became brave enough to reach down and give Clarke’s gorgeous, sumptuous ass a rough squeeze. Both of Clarke’s hands tightened on Lexa’s body. 

“I don’t think I’m going to last much longer around you, baby,” Clarke breathed deeply and pressed her forehead against Lexa’s. Clarke’s entire body was tightening and shifting with need. “Two days worth of foreplay - don’t make me beg, Lex,” Clarke surged forward and caught Lexa’s lips.

“Maybe I want you to beg,” Lexa admitted breathily between kisses.. 

Clarke released a deep breath through her nostrils, “Please - Please…”

“Please, what Clarke?” Lexa grinded harder into Clarke’s thigh.

“Fuck me. Fuck me, Lexa.”

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand on her hip and drug her up the stairs to her bedroom. 


	10. The One with All the Smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music to listen to while you read:
> 
> Go F*** Yourself by Two Feet  
> Ocean Eyes by Billie Ellish (Clarke's sex scene)  
> Fade by Kanye West (Lexa's sex scene)  
> Hostage by Billie Ellish  
> Open by Rhye

They eventually managed to get up the stairs, stopping every few steps to kiss or to attempt to take off an article of clothing. Clarke pushed Lexa against the bed and pushed her into a sitting position. Clarke moved to straddle the brunette but paused. She was distracted by how much darker Lexa’s green eyes had become. Without breaking eye contact, Clarke reached behind herself to slowly unhook her bra. She allowed the straps to slide down her arms but she kept the bra pressed to her chest.

Lexa’s eyes were hungry but she still waited for Clarke’s permission before she touched her. Clarke loved sex, she’s had a lot of it and she’s been able to have it without emotional attachment, but this time was different. She knew this was going to be her last ‘first time’. Her body was riddled with nerves but she finally managed to nod at Lexa to continue. Her breath became ragged as she watched Lexa delicately slide the straps the rest of the way down her arms. 

Lexa’s eyes transformed to pools filled with obsidian stones as she stared at the blush colored, freckled nipples and alabaster skin in front of her. Lexa looked at Clarke one last time for permission, which Clarke eagerly offered. Lexa’s hands slid from the blonde’s hips, up her sides, and then cupped each breast from underneath. The brunette leaned forward and encompassed one of Clarke’s nipples between her lips.

“Oh God…” Clarke moaned. Lexa’s mouth was so warm and soft. It felt like silk was sliding across her breasts. Clarke closed her eyes and rolled her head backwards as she arched her back into Lexa’s mouth. The blonde’s fingers threaded into Lexa’s brown hair and she tightened her grip every time she felt teeth graze against the skin of her breast. 

When Lexa pulled her head away, her lips and the skin around them was pink from the friction of sucking on Clarke’s nipples. Clarke pulled Lexa into a passionate, open-mouth kiss. It was slow, it was intense, it was romantic. It was everything both girls had never had before. Clarke’s hand pushed Lexa’s head to the side and she began licking and softly sucking on the brunette’s pulse point. Lexa kept gasping and jolting at the purely erotic connection. After only a few moments, she couldn’t take anymore. She gripped Clarke’s sides and spun her around so she was laying on the bed and Lexa was now on top.

Lexa stood up and began taking off Clarke’s leggings, “Nuh uh. Take that off first,” Clarke pointed to Lexa’s own bra with the tip of her toe. Lexa smiled but wasted no time. The black silk bra slid off her tanned shoulders and onto the floor with ease. Clarke took a minute to take in how beautiful Lexa’s body was. Her hips bones peaked out from beneath the thin band of her thong…. her abs were - well they were abs. Lexa had strong arms too. The caps on her shoulders were rounded, perfectly sculpted by muscle. Clarke didn’t realize she had licked her lips but Lexa did and it prompted a shy smile. 

“W-what?” Clarke asked confused.

“You’re so beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa’s confession was so honest and shy that Clarke felt like her body was vibrating with excitement. Clarke noted the song that was now playing throughout the house, she wanted to remember it forever ( ** _Ocean Eyes_ by Billie Ellish** ).

Lexa slowly leaned forward and began sliding Clarke’s leggings and her dark blue thong off. Once the clothes were on the floor, both of the women swallowed away their nerves. Lexa took a deep breath and slid off the rest of her own clothes. A small smirk appeared on Clarke’s mouth but slowly disappeared, “I love you, Lexa…”

Lexa’s heart constricted. She knew Clarke loved her and it wasn’t the first time the beautiful blonde had said it, but this one meant the most to her. This one pierced the last bit of armor Lexa had on and she completely surrendered herself to the blonde in every way. 

Lexa grabbed one of Clarke’s legs and pressed wet kisses up her calf and then to the side of her knee. The brunette’s fingertips were gently trailing up and down the tops of Clarke’s thighs. Clarke pleaded, “Please… Lexa,” The blonde’s face was contorted with painful want. 

Lexa steeled her nerves before sinking down between Clarke’s legs. She pressed a few more kisses to Clarke’s inner thigh before finally pressing a kiss between Clarke’s thighs. The blonde sighed deeply, finally receiving the contact she’s been craving for nearly 72, nearly sleepless hours. 

Lexa wrapped one of her arms beneath Clarke’s thigh, draping the blonde’s leg over her back, and then Lexa placed her palm on Clarke’s lower stomach. Her other hand slid up Clarke’s side and began massaging Clarke’s breast. 

Lexa pressed her tongue between Clarke’s inner lips and began making slow strokes against her clit. “Fuck…” Clarke sighed. Her hands shot out to the sheets on the bed and she gripped them tightly, struggling to keep her body still. Clarke’s taste reminded Lexa of warm butter on toast. It was salty but creamy and so, so soft. She dipped her tongue further south and teased Clarke’s entrance. Lexa leaned back a little and pushed Clarke’s legs a little further apart. She leaned back down, dragging her tongue from beneath Clarke’s vagina all the way back to the top, before dipping her tongue even deeper inside Clarke. “OH! OH! HOLY FUCK!” 

Clarke’s heart raced as she climbed closer and closer to her release. When Lexa’s tongue dipped low again, it caused Clarke’s whole body to jolt again. Her hands gripped the back of Lexa’s head. She tried not to be too rough when she dug her fingers into Lexa’s scalp but the brunette wouldn’t fully commit to one spot and Clarke was growing frustrated but in the best way possible. 

Lexa sucked on Clarke’s clit and simultaneously rubbed the rigid part of her tongue against the tip. “Oh! Baby… please… please let me cum!” Lexa’s tongue moved a little bit faster. Her hand released Clarke’s nipple and snaked back down between Clarke’s legs. She slowly inserted a finger and began sliding it in and out.

  
“Fuck! Lex! More... I need more of you inside!”

Lexa slipped two more fingers inside of Clarke. “God! Clarke, you’re so wet!” she huffed out.

“I’m gonna cum baby. You’re gonna - I’m - FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” 

Lexa’s jaw shifted as she felt the blonde’s powerful muscles grip her fingers tightly, making it nearly impossible for her to keep moving them inside. “Fuck, Clarke!” Lexa pressed firmly with her palm on Clarke’s lower body, giving the blonde something to grind against. Lexa pressed her mouth back to Clarke’s vagina and tried to pump her fingers faster. That sent Clarke over the edge and she came all over the brunette’s mouth. 

Clarke’s thighs were shaking and she loudly groaned when Lexa slowly slid her fingers out. Clarke reached out towards Lexa who fell straight down into the blonde’s embrace. She held onto the brunette for dear life, her whole body rattling for several minutes. 

  
( _ **Fade**_ **by Kanye West)**  
  


Before Clarke could completely settle, she gently grabbed Lexa’s chin and slowly licked her own cum off the brunette’s lips. Lexa gasped at the contact but before she could kiss the blonde back, Clarke pushed her onto her stomach and straddled her back. Clarke ground down into Lexa’s body and squeezed the brunette’s plump, tanned ass. Clarke leaned over Lexa’s back and whispered into her ear, “I seem to remember you saying something about begging…”

Lexa smiled, pressing her ass into the blonde’s hips, “I seem to recall it’s been you who’s done all the begging - OOF!” Clarke spanked Lexa’s left ass-cheek, causing a sting and a faint red mark. Lexa inhaled through gritted teeth while a flood released between her legs. Lexa had always been very vanilla and she apparently only dated vanilla women. Lexa knew right then that Clarke was going to help her explore so many new aspects of her own sexuality and she was so ready for it.

Another stinging slap. “Lex, I think you might be into spanking,” Clarke whispered cheekily into the brunette’s ear before slipping her tongue around her neck. Lexa hid her smile and tried to throw the blonde off of her. “Oh, no no no, Lex. I’m in charge now.” Clarke shoved a hand beneath the brunette and started fingering her clit. Lexa gasped and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Lexa dug her elbows into the mattress and began grinding against Clarke’s palm, begging for Clarke to fuck her. 

“Please, Clarke…” Lexa whined. 

“That’s all I wanted, baby…” Clarke sat up quickly and removed her hand from beneath Lexa. She gripped both of Lexa’s hips and pulled Lexa back so that her hips were in the air but her face was still pressed to the bed. Clarke immediately pushed her tongue inside Lexa. The brunette’s eyes screwed shut, “Fffffuuuuck!” To Lexa, it felt like Clarke’s tongue was everywhere and her toes curled tightly when Clarke sucked on her clit. Lexa began to pant as she was getting closer to her orgasm. Clarke slapped her ass one more time, eliciting a loud yelp from Lexa. 

  
“On your back!” Lexa followed Clarke’s orders.

Clarke settled between Lexa’s thighs like the brunette had done to her earlier. Clarke slipped two fingers inside and seized the brunette’s clit with her mouth. “Oh fuck - that feels so good! Don’t - don’t stop!” Clarke’s eyes opened and she watched Lexa’s face contort. She watched the skin on Lexa’s neck dip with every breath, every huff. She watched the beads of sweat on Lexa’s brow and on her neck, slide down her skin and disappear into her beautiful brown curls. 

“Clarke - I’m so close!!” The blonde’s fingers curled slightly and she started pumping harder. “SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!” Lexa’s entire body tensed and curled, like she’d been frozen. A few moments later, she released a deep, low groan from her throat as she collapsed back to the bed. Lexa’s entire body tensed and twitched, pushing Clarke’s fingers out. 

**(listen to** **_Hostage_ ** **by Billie Ellish)**   
  


Clarke moaned herself when she brought her fingers to her tongue and tasted her girlfriend one more time. She laid down beside Lexa and waited for the brunette to open her eyes. When she finally did, Clarke gasped - tears were streaming down Lexa’s face.

“Babe, are you OK? Did I hurt you? Was it too much?” Lexa surged forward, deeply and passionately kissing Clarke. 

“No. No you didn’t hurt me. I’m just - overwhelmed.”

Clarke’s concern didn’t disappear, “Are you sure? Do you need a glass of water? Or maybe a warm bath?”

Lexa lazily smiled, “No, darling. Thank you. It’s just - I’ve never orgasmed like that before. I’m having a lot of emotions.” Lexa struggled to get out between sniffles. Clarke immediately wrapped the brunette’s head in her arms and rocked her back and forth until her body stopped tensing and she could catch her breath.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, my love?” Clarke was confused.

“For getting all -”

  
“Do not apologize for that. Crying after an orgasm is totally natural and it happens a lot more often than you might think. What’s on your mind though?” Clarke started lazily tracing her name onto Lexa’s stomach.

“I’ve never had - someone - go down on me before.”

Clarke’s eyes shot to Lexa’s but her face gave no expression - however, the speed conveyed the surprise she was trying to hide. 

“I never really felt comfortable letting anyone do it, I guess, until now - I see what the kids are raving about,” Lexa joked through her tears.

Clarke smiled and shoved her shoulder lightly. “Had I known, Lex, I would’ve gone slower and made sure you were comfortable.”

“No, no, no. It was perfect. Obviously,” Lexa motioned towards the tears. “It was perfect and it was… INCREDIBLE!” She smiled brightly.

Clarke smiled and bit her lip. “You’re SO sexy when you cum, by the way.” Lexa blushed and hid her face in the blonde’s hair.

Lexa slowly leaned back and looked into ocean eyes, “I’m glad… I’m glad you’re - you.”

Clarke inhaled slowly before placing her hand to Lexa’s cheek and kissing her pillowy lips, “I’m glad you’re you, too.” 

( **listen to** **_Open_ ** **by Rhye)**

The women laid lazily in the bed, facing each other. The eyes and their fingers slowly caressed each other’s body and threaded through blonde and brunette curls. They commented on the different constellations that could be seen through the big glass window from the bed.

They made their way downstairs but realized that Lexa never put the chicken in the oven but it didn’t matter because Clarke never turned the oven on. They both collapsed by the fridge in laughter, deeming themselves to both be terrible cooks. They dug through the fridge and found some fresh peaches and some kiwis but were still unsatisfied.

“Despite what this weekend might suggest about me, I’m a bit of a workaholic. I’m never home so I don’t need to keep the fridge that stocked!”

“Shameful. SHAMEFUL! Now we, or at least one of us, have to put clothes on to go get food,” said Clarke.

“If I’m going through the trouble of putting my clothes back on - you are too!”

“FINE!” Clarke pretended to be mad, “But I’m wearing some of your sweats and I’m borrowing a t-shirt.” 

  
Lexa didn’t even both hiding her smile. The thought of Clarke wearing her clothes made her heart flutter - it seemed so domesticated. “You can have anything you want, darling.”    
  
Clarke sweetly winked at Lexa but then jumped up and ran up the stairs, “Come on and hurry! I’m starving!” 


	11. The One in the Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very small update - I'm writing a ton of legal briefs as homework and it's exhausting and time consuming. I will have a much bigger update within the next week or so!

Clarke found herself soaking with Lexa in the brunette’s very large, very luxurious jacuzzi bathtub. The crackling bubbles filled the silence as both women were unknowingly enraptured in a communal panic about what the next day will bring. “We both have work in the morning, you know? Our lives go back to normal...” 

“Yeah - we do,” Lexa shifted her jaw back and forth. “You think this is going to be different? You think we will be different?”

Clarke looked down and swam her hand back and forth trying to find a way to say what’s on her mind. “Lex - your life is so different from mine…” she shrugged her shoulders and met Lexa’s nervous stare. “These last three days have been,” Clarke trailed off and couldn’t help but crack a smile and roll her eyes. Lexa smirked but quickly steeled herself, waiting for the bottom to drop out. “I just feel like you’ve been living in my world these last three days but I have yet to be a part of yours…”

That wasn’t so bad. Lexa sighed with relief. 

“Wait, did you really think I was about to break up with you?” Lexa didn’t answer the question, she just looked down at the bubbles covering her chest and that was answer enough. The idea of leaving Lexa after all of this was so outlandish to Clarke but not to Lexa. Rejection, disappointment, and tragedy were old friends of hers.

“Clarke,” Lexa leaned forward in the tub to hold the blonde’s hands. “I know my life is going to complicate the shit out of yours. If I could change it, I would. I could pull back and stop going to charity events and stop making so many public appearances but they’re still going to find out who you are. There are ways we can take it slow though…” 

“How so?”

“We don’t go out in public together.” Lexa said simply, expertly hiding how much she hated the idea of it. Clarke mirrored the vacancy. “We don’t go to events together - perhaps we even take platonic dates to the events we are both going to. We don’t visit each other’s place of work or send cards, gifts with our names on them for any holidays.”

“Stop. No.” Clarke was exasperated by Lexa’s suggestions, “I think those are terrible ideas and I refuse to begin our relationship like that!” She moved forward and cupped Lexa’s face in her hands, “You’re recognized by New Yorkers and photographers on the street because you’re an incredible person who works hard for these neighborhoods. I don’t want to hide from that. If you were some movie star - maybe.” Clarke got a smile from the stoney brunette, “But you’re not Lex. I - I want people to know I’m yours! If it complicates THIS or gets too hard, then we get back in this fucking tub and figure out how to adjust our shit!” Clarke finally took a deep breath and leaned back, “I refuse to compromise us because I’m too afraid. I’ve spent my whole life being too afraid! I’m on the edge of a cliff but this time I’m not jumping alone. I get to jump with the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I have no reason to be afraid if you’re going to be right by my side.”

Lexa huffed out a breath, not even realizing she was holding it in. 

“Babe? Are you OK?” 

Lexa looked up confused, “W-what?”

“You got very quiet and then just started staring at the wall. I called your name a few times but you didn’t respond. Where’d you go?”

“I - I was… I work a lot. This apartment would be a mess if I didn’t pay a cleaning company to come in once a week… Not that I’m not a little particular about things being clean or being just-so... but because I don’t have time to do it myself. I - I want to pull back on the company, I want more free time - especially when we start preparing for kids. I had an absent parent and I refuse to let that happen to our children. This company has been my crutch, especially after Costia. I’m going to need your help to step back. If I’m spending too much time at work… please just be honest and tell me before you leave me…”

There it was. There was the insecurity. Clarke was concerned at Lexa’s speedy outburst and was still perturbed that Lexa thought she was going to break up with her after everything they’d shared. Clarke figured that might’ve been one of the reasons for Lexa and Costia drifting apart before the accident.

Clarke leaned forward in the tub to wrap her arms around Lexa’s neck, and whispered, “I love you, Lexa Woods, more than I would have ever imagined. I will always strive to be honest and loyal to you. I will always strive to honor you and be a source of helpfulness and joy to you…” 

A few tears pooled at the bottom of Lexa’s eyes. She wanted Clarke so badly that it hurt and specifically because of how quickly they connected, she was afraid of how she would react emotionally and even physically if Clarke was gone. The thought was crippling for Lexa. 

They stayed in the tub for thirty more minutes, encircling each other in a comforting and quiet embrace. Lexa sniffled, the dark cloud still lingering over her head but it was no longer storming. “My toes are so wrinkly they actually hurt…”

“I was literally just thinking about how gross my hands feel.” Clarke saw the storm behind Lexa’s eyes. She gently placed a finger beneath Lexa’s chin, forcing the brunette to meet her eyes, “Let’s get out, maybe get some of that ice cream I insisted we buy, and we can make a plan for the week…”

Lexa silently nodded.

Both women were comfortably naked, laying on the bed and facing each other. Clarke was weirdly curled around her bowl of ice cream like she was afraid Lexa would take it from her. Lexa remembered Clarke had said something about her grandfather sneaking her sweets when her grandmother wasn’t looking, perhaps this was a habit - an endearing childhood habit that Lexa enjoyed. She wondered if she had any habits like that…

“What are you thinking about so hard, Lex-baby?”

The crease between the brunette’s eyebrows softened, “Whose apartment do we stay in? Do we go back and forth? Do we stay together every night? Do you want space?” Lexa shoved a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, forcibly stopping the rambling. 

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She recognized that Lexa was brooding about a lot more than just apartments. Clarke wanted Lexa to feel that she had her undivided attention so she sat up and crossed her legs. “Firstly, you and I both work a lot. My shop is my baby and it’s going to be a process to hire someone to help manage for when I’m not there but I imagine there will be a lot of late nights for both of us. SO, on the matter of whose apartment, I think that will just fall into place circumstantially.” Lexa nodded, that answer seemed to suffice - on the next. 

“Secondly, uhm… right now… I don’t want space… if that’s OK with you?” Lexa nodded a lot. “This is new and it’s exciting and I feel like I can relax around you and also the option of having sex whenever I want it is…” Clarke clicked her tongue and smiled teasingly, causing Lexa to blush and avert her eyes. “But if I need space or if I need time to myself, I’ll be 100% honest with you - as I expect you to be with me. I just know that after being at work all day without you, all I’m going to be thinking about is coming home to you so no - I don’t need space.”

“We are on the same page…” but Lexa lingered a little. There was one more thing. 

“Talk to me Lexa, you’re not going to scare me off or upset me. We need to talk about these things. If there’s something you’re thinking of that I haven’t thought of already, then I should probably be aware of it.” Clarke offered a reassuring smile.

“Do you want people to just find out about us or do you want one of my PR reps to release a statement to the press so they can buzz about it and get it over with?” Lexa swallowed the frog begging to escape from her throat.

Clarke twisted her face to the side like she was trying to decide between the two equally unappealing fruit cakes she had to eat at Christmas. “Uhhhh… those sound so romantic!” she sarcastically joked causing Lexa to inhale sharply. “Let’s give it a few months and if press hasn’t uncovered it, you can release a -”

“WE... We can release a statement…” Lexa didn’t mean for it to come off rudely and looked away from Clarke to admonish herself. It was something that really bothered Lexa when Costia said things like that. Costia loved the work that Lexa did but felt like she worked too much. There was a delicate line that Lexa was ultimately unable to walk. It was one of many reasons they decided to separate just before the accident. 

Of course, Clarke would be perfect and understanding. The blonde smiled despite Lexa’s strange, curt interruption. Clarke may not have understood the exact reason as to why Lexa corrected her but she at least understood the concept of no longer being a singular entity but rather, being a partner in a relationship and that it’s a big deal for both of them.

“WE,” Clarke emphasized again as she sultrily crawled on all fours towards Lexa. The brunette couldn’t stop the smirk from reaching the corner of her cheek. She rolled her eyes as Clarke pressed her palm to the brunette’s bare chest, causing Lexa to lay down on the bed so Clarke could straddle her hips.

Lexa exhaled and hungrily licked her lips when she felt Clarke’s warm center press against on her taut stomach. “You still hungry, tiger?” Clarke teased.

Lexa pulled Clarke down so their breasts were pressed together, “Depends on what is on the menu, Ms. Griffin…” Lexa tentatively smiled through her whisper but quickly schooled it into a blank expression when she leaned away from Clarke’s ear.

This is the most ridiculous sexy talk Clarke had ever participated in but anything Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ears was instantaneously provocative and caused her to shudder. “Anything, in particular, you have a taste for?”

Lexa didn’t react for a moment, she just stared straight into Clarke’s eyes. There was electricity running between them and it made Clarke antsy. She tried to squeeze her thighs together but all it did was make Lexa realize how wet the blonde had become. Just when Clarke was about to ask Lexa why she was starring, the brunette reached down to Clarke’s ass and motioned for her to sit up a bit. Lexa shimmied down until Clarke was perfectly straddling her face. 

Clarke hesitated for a moment, she’d never been eaten out like this before and she was afraid of killing Lexa but Lexa read her mind, “You said anything I want and I want you like this.”

  
Clarke felt every huff of breath from Lexa and it caused a tingling sensation that started from the base of her spine and ran all the way up. Clarke’s eyes flew open and she gasped when Lexa pressed her tongue between her lips. “Ahhhhhhhhhhh - Lex - baby!” Clarke’s fingers wove through Lexa’s hair and she subtly began grinding her hips into the brunette’s slick tongue.

“You’re so w-”

“N-no! Shh! J-just - keep licking me! Your tongue feels  _ SO fucking  _ good baby!” Clarke slid her right hand over both of her breasts and she twisted her left nipple between her fingers. This was almost exactly what she had envisioned when she fingered herself in the shower that morning - except this was exponentially better. 

\----  **3 weeks later**

  
“You have to tell Lillian about her…”

“Ray - I know! I just don’t know how!” Clarke exasperated. 

“Just freaking say it and then answer all of her super invasive questions that follow. There’s no easy way!” Raven shoved another chip in her mouth as she layed on the couch, her legs invasively draped over Anya’s lap. 

The two had been almost as inseparable as Clarke and Lexa, except when one of them wasn’t in the office, the other had to pick up the slack. For the first time, it was incredibly inconvenient to have Anya be her V.P. 

“You have to tell her about this too!” Clarke waved at Anya and Raven causing Anya’s eyes to grow wide as she looked up from her work laptop which was placed on top of Raven’s previously noted ‘invasive legs’. What Clarke knew and intentionally used as a distraction from her own problem was that Raven and Anya hadn’t had THE talk yet about what exactly it was. 

Raven avoided eye contact with Anya but gave Clarke her most intense and threatening glare. Unfortunately, after years of friendship, it’s not as menacing anymore. Clarke just smiled and stood up from her seat and traipsed back to her bedroom where she was working on a new watercolor painting. It was of Lexa sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the big window and all of her houseplants, wrapped in a white sheet but her back still naked and exposed. Clarke had woken to Lexa sitting like that so many times, she’d committed it to memory. It was peace. It was home. It was how she thought of her girlfriend often when they were both separated by work.

Her phone began ringing and she looked over to see that it was her grandmother, “Hey grandma!”

“Clarke! Is everything OK? Raven just texted and said you had something to tell me!”

_ God damn her! _


	12. The Devastating One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story contains a description of a vehicle accident. If you’re triggered at all by descriptions of death, pain, loss, etc. Please do not read it, protect yourself, protect your mental health. It is important to me as a writer to include this trauma for various cathartic reasons but you will not be missing incredibly detrimental plot by skipping. 
> 
> I have included warnings before and after the traumatic bit so feel free to read everything up to and after. If you prefer to wait for the next chapter entirely, the story is simple enough for one to narratively fill in the blanks themselves. 
> 
> Thank you

“Oh… I’m sorry, Grandma! It’s… nothing serious. No one is hurt or anything. I just…”

“Thank goodness! I was really worried about the anniversary of… well, you know.”

“Yeah... I actually forgot that was coming up,” Clarke mumbled quietly. It was very strange for her to forget the date. It was like clockwork; she’d get really quiet and distant a few weeks before and then the day before the accident, she would lock herself away for a few days, only emerging to find food. After year two, Raven stopped trying to intervene and allowed Clarke to process the way she needed to, as long as she was being safe. 

*ahem* Clarke had to shake herself from her thoughts, “Do you remember a few weeks ago when I said I had a strange gut feeling?”

“Yeah?” the apprehension in Lillian’s voice was plain as day.

The blonde hesitated, “Grandma... do you... believe in soulmates?” Clarke winced in fear of what Lillian’s reaction would be. Sometimes you could never tell with that woman.

“Yes. Absolutely. Obviously. Don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I guess. Recently.”

“...Oh…” It all clicked into place for Lillian. “You think that’s what your strange feeling was about?”

Clarke shrugged loudly, “I-I have a story to tell you…”

Clarke told her grandmother everything about Lexa, She told her about how they met and fumbled over their words, about how they re-met at the gala, and how they spent the whole weekend after that together. Clarke even told Lillian about the  _ connection _ they shared. Clarke told her about her panic attack and how Lexa felt it and ran after her.

“...wow,” the older woman finally answered.

“I know. I-I wanted to talk to you about it sooner but there’s just SO much and…” 

“I completely believe you, Clarke. I absolutely do. It’s just… a lot! I mean - my grandbaby is getting married!”

“WHOA! WHOA! We aren’t there yet!” Clarke could her Lillian giggling over the phone. “I mean, we talked about kids but it was sort of abstract…” Clarke admitted.

“Oh boy! This is quite serious. How long has this  _ officially _ been going on again?”

Clarke was hesitant to tell her grandmother. For most people, her and Lexa were moving at hyperspeed. However, the few friends they had told were very supportive and, if they had any, they kept their comments to themselves. However, when Clarke and Lexa decide to finally come out publicly as a couple, they would play it off like they’d been secretly together for a lot longer to avoid any unnecessary opinions and judgement from complete strangers.

“Um… we’ve known like - ABOUT each other for over a month but we’ve been official for like - three weeks.” 

“Ok...ok. Well, I would like to meet her sometime soon. Your grandfather and I were talking about taking a trip to visit this summer…”

“That’d be great actually! The shop has been doing really well and I think I have found two perfect candidates to help me out. Madi is a freshman studying botany at NYU and Aden is a cute little thing just out of high school. They both seem really responsible. Also, Aden’s originally from Texas - I may be a little biased about that.”

“That’s wonderful! So you’d be able to take off work without shutting the whole shop down?”

“Yes, exactly. Lexa and I are both prone to being workaholics and we’ve been looking for the right time to take a step back. Meeting each other seemed to be the signal to start making that a reality.”

“That’s amazing, darlin! I’m so proud of you.” Clarke blushed. “Well - Like I said, Griffin women can sense these things and you certainly sensed Lexa coming into your life. Now if only we can find someone for Ray…”

“About that…”

**\--- 1 Week Later (March 22nd)**

The date crept up on Clarke. She had been so distracted with work and training both of the new kids, she barely even found time to see Lexa over the last two weeks. But that might not have been entirely on accident. Clarke always crawled inside her shell around this time. Raven learned early on to back off and give her friend the space she needed but this time was different. Clarke hadn’t noticed until now that Raven was getting home before her and left after her - always lurking, always available. ‘ _ Maybe it was because of that panic attack I had a while ago,’  _ Clarke thought to herself.

Death has always been tricky for Clarke. Losing her parents at such a young age made death seem like a non-event. She understood people being sad for a while but then they were supposed to move on. This all changed after the fateful accident. On March 23rd, Clarke looked death right in the eyes and watched it take someone away. She saw the light leave and it fucked her up badly. 

“You okay?” Aden asked with concern drawn across his face.

“Wh-what?” Clarke shook from her memories. “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. I was just -”

“It’s OK. I really have got this! If you want to go home, I can close up. I promise everything will be fine.”

“You sure?” this shop was Clarke’s baby.

“Yes! I have everything under control and if I have any problems, I’ll call you.” If Clarke had a sibling, she’d want it to be Aden. He was always so kind, thoughtful, and reassuring. His work ethic was astounding and he took to the shop so much that he treated it like it was his own. Clarke couldn’t have been more grateful for him and Madi. 

“OK. And Aden, I don’t know if I tell you this enough but - I appreciate you.” Clarke said with such sincerity that she was shocked at the eye roll coming from Aden.

“Clarke! You tell me every day!I’ll be honest, it doesn’t get old though.” He smiled brightly whenever he teased Clarke. Aden moved out of his parents home in Texas the second he graduated high school. His father was the pastor of a small Baptist church and they all but shunned him when he came out as bisexual. He was grateful to have a boss like Clarke. She was really more like family to him than anyone has been before. “Enjoy your long weekend off. Go see your girl! We’ve got this!”

Clarke gratefully smiled, “Thank you, Aden, for everything.” She reluctantly but finally left the shop. Once outside, she was met with an abnormally chilly breeze. She wavered for a moment. She really wanted to see Lexa but she wasn’t ready to expose this part of her to Lexa yet - she wasn’t ready. She gripped her phone and sent a text to Lexa.

**CLARKE**

Hey. Miss you. Working late again tonight. 

**LEXA**

I just pulled out my phone to text you.

I’m working late too.

Date night next week?

**CLARKE**

Sounds perfect.

Clarke had already lied about being busy but she couldn’t help but still feel a little rejected at Lexa working late yet again. But she didn’t have time to dwell on the pang of hurt because every step she took going home became heavier and heavier. She could already feel her heart constricting and the tears already prickling at her eyes. The myriad of emotions she was going to navigate over the next few days are traumatizing for her. However, Clarke didn’t know what to expect this time since she’s been seeing a new therapist and has been given a medication to manage the extreme lows and highs - this added a new level of anxiety for her. 

She got to the apartment, slammed the door behind her, and leaned against it with a huff. Raven softly padded out of her room. She looked directly into Clarke’s eyes with what she thought was a blank stare but Clarke could see the pity. She looked away from the brunette as quickly as she could. Clarke’s eyes rested on her fingertips, tears careening off her cheeks like sharp cliffs. She slowly lifted up her hands and then began scrubbing at them, like she could still see the blood.

There was nothing in this world that hurt Raven more than watching her best friend, this blonde-haired saint of a woman, think of herself as a killer. The accident wasn’t Clarke’s fault by any means but she would always carry some manner of guilt on her shoulders. As much as it hurt Raven to watch someone go through this every year, she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. 

Clarke was beginning to rub her fingers raw when she began to collapse to the floor. Raven ran to her and wrapped her tightly in her arms. The blonde sobbed freely and clung to her friends clothes. They stayed frozen like this for minutes, hours - who knew. 

Raven helped Clarke stand and brought her to her room. By now it was dark outside and Clarke’s eyes were so swollen and heavy with sleep. One advantage this year was that in preparation for this time off, she’d worked long hours trying to train Aden and Madi to run the shop in her absence. She was so exhausted that she went to sleep within seconds of her head hitting the pillow - but this was only the beginning.

  
  
  
  
  


**\--- March 23rd, 2:00 AM**

Raven was awoken by a soft knock at the door. She had a pot of coffee going and had made herself comfortable on the couch which was closer to Clarke’s bedroom than her own room. She gave Clarke space but always stayed close enough in case Clarke needed her.

The brunette slowly opened the door and there was Lexa. She was bundled up and shaking so Raven yanked her inside. “What are you doing here?” she didn’t mean for it to sound so accusatory. Raven felt bad but Clarke was not ready for this…

“I-I- Clarke… is she OK?” Lexa asked in the smallest, meekest voice. That’s when Raven noticed her own red-rimmed eyes and the dark, sunken circles.

“Lexa, are you alright? You look like shit.”

“Raven!” 

It was harsh. It was commanding. A sliver of fear crawled up Raven’s spine but she shook it off as quickly as it came on. “Keep your voice down! What the FUCK are you doing here?” she yelled in a whisper.

“Answer my goddamn question, Raven! Is she safe?!” Lexa grit her teeth and steeled her face. She looked like she was ready to kick someone off a tower. Raven knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere with this so she relented.

“Yes, of course, she’s safe! But she can’t talk to you right now. You need to go home.”

This triggered something inside of Lexa. It was like reliving four years ago with Costia - what timing too! “Is - is she leaving me? Did I say or do something? Please. Please, Raven, tell me how I can fix it.” Lexa felt humiliated for begging and looking so insecure but there were countless emotions and thoughts running through her head right now.  _ And God! The fucking timing! _

“Lexa, no. No she’s not leaving you,” Raven’s heart broke for Lexa. “She’s just… It’s the anniversary of something that’s really hard for her to deal with and she kind of just disappears for a week or two… it’s not you! She’d feel so guilty for making you think it was you so please just - don’t put that on her right now. Give her some space and she’ll tell you when she needs to - OK? You need to trust her.”

Lexa inhaled with shaky breath and blinked, setting free her tears down her cheeks. Just like that, she turned into a soft teddy bear again, “I’m so sorry for coming in here and yelling at you. I just… felt her… and tomorrow is the anniversary of Costia’s death and it’s always so hard.” Lexa inhaled and exhaled with precision, attempting to calm herself. 

“Wow. That’s an unfortunate coincidence,” Raven noted calmly while handing a box of tissues to Lexa.

“What do you mean?” she dabbed her eyes and then wiped her nose sloppily.

“Costia and Clarke’s accidents. Same day. That’s really sad,” Raven shrugged. “How did Costia die, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Lexa grimaced, “Drunk driver.”

“Oh shit, Lex. That’s so terrible. I’m sorry,” she pulled Lexa into an uncharacteristically tight hug. 

“It was so… horrible. She died before I could get there!” Lexa was openly sobbing now, “She was - the drunk driver slammed into the back of a parked car, pushing it onto the sidewalk and it - it trapped her against the - the… I should have… She didn’t deserve that...” 

**\--- 4 years ago _(Trauma Warning)_**

The girls had graduated back in May and they did all that they could to prepare for their new adventures in New York. They packed up their favorite belongings and arrived in September, just in time for Raven’s first semester as a graduate student at NYU. They moved into the first available apartment they could find as Raven was adamant about splitting the rent evenly. With Raven’s busying schedule, that required the girls to move into a less than pleasant apartment. 

By the beginning of March, Clarke had had enough and took it upon herself to find a better place. “Yes, Ray, it’s the perfect apartment... NO! I know you can’t afford it which is why I’m offering to pay the difference! I know it makes you uncomfortable but I want to live there and I have the money. Plus, I already put down a deposit. We move in this weekend.” A smile spread across Clarke’s face and then everything went black.

She woke up a few moments later with her head resting against the steering wheel. As she slowly lifted herself away, sensation in her extremities began to return. Everything hurt, everything ached. It was sharp. It was dull. She involuntarily lifted her arm to her head and smeared the blood away from her eyes. She looked around and there was glass everywhere.  _ What the fuck happened? _ Then she heard the scream. 

Clarke looked up and was met with a face filled with fear. “Are you OK?!” she screamed at her.

The woman looked around frantically. “I-I- HELP! HELP ME!” 

Clarke’s gut twisted. She wanted to vomit when she realized the woman was pinned against the fencing by her car.

_ I wasn’t even driving! How could this happen!? _

Clarke glanced into her broken rear view and saw the front end of a large truck with a steaming engine.  _ Oh my God… Oh my God _ . “Just hold on!!! Help will be here soon!” Clarke frantically pulled at her door but it was crushed. She looked at the other doors and realized the trunk of her car was in her backseat… her entire car was mangled and somehow she was alive.

Clarke looked at the woman again and recognized shock, “Hey! Look at me!” she yelled. “You need to keep your eyes open and stay alert! No! Don’t move! Stay very still. What’s your name?!”

“C-C-Co…”

“That’s good! Just stay with me, OK? Everything is going to be alright.” There was a moment in time where Clarke considered following in her parents footsteps by becoming a doctor. It was some sentimental notion of a legacy but she couldn’t handle it. However, she’d taken enough classes to know what to do in emergency classes and get her CPR certification. How useless that all seemed in a moment like this.

“Tell - tell - her…”

“Talk to me! I’m right here!”

“Tell her - I - love her! P--p-please.”

_ Fuck. _ This was the moment that made Clarke feel fear on a level that few people in this world could understand. The once shining hazel eyes of this stranger were dimming. A person in this world had no idea they were losing someone who loved them enough to think of them in their last moments, with their last breath. 

Seconds, minutes, hours later - Clarke was shaken back to reality. She had no idea how long she was staring into the vacant eyes of the woman in front of her. She slowly turned her head and saw a firefighter knocking on the window.

“LEAN AWAY FROM THE DOOR! WE ARE GOING TO OPEN IT! Jim! JIM! Get an EMT over here!” They pried open the driver door and the EMT’s ran in to quickly put a brace around her neck. As they slowly loaded her onto a stretcher, Clarke’s eyes never stopped looking into those hazel eyes. 

Her broken bones healed, her gashes were stitched, but she never completely healed. 

\---  **March 23rd, 2:15AM**

**_(Physical trauma is over)_ **

Raven slowly leaned away from the sniffling, innocent looking Lexa. She gripped Lexa’s shoulders firmly, stared her straight in the eye, “Lexa, you need to go.” Lexa wiped her tears with the back of her hand and was embarrassed and perplexed by Raven’s sudden coldness.

“Wh-what?”

“Now. Please, just trust me… you need to go. Now!”

Lexa’s eyes darted between Raven’s. If one had walked into the room at this moment, one would be reminded of that terrible scene in AirBud when the kid tells the dog to go. There was such finality in Raven’s voice. Raven wasn’t telling Lexa to go and come back, she was telling her to disappear. 

Panic coiled inside Lexa’s stomach and it quickly turned to confusion and then anger - something was very, very wrong. “Is Clarke OK? Wh-why are you being like this!?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Raven lunged at Lexa and covered her mouth with her palm. “It’s Costia. Clarke was in the car! Don’t you get it!? She can’t know!”

Lexa had never fallen into a frozen lake before but she imagined it would feel very similar to what she was experiencing right now. Her muscles were cold and rigid, the warmth in her body was swept away. She felt like she could feel her bones grinding against each other but she wasn’t moving at all. 

Raven’s eyes were overflowing pools. Clarke would eventually have to know and it was going to devastate her. “P-please, Lex. You should go…” Her hands were clasped together tightly and pressed to her lips. “You can’t be here for this…”

“... for what?” the blonde emerged from her bedroom door and paused in the threshold. She was still in yesterday’s clothes and her curls were crushed to the side of her head. Trails of clear skin were visible on her face from the tears she cried. “What is going on. Lex? W-why are you here?”

Terror. Absolute terror was what Lexa’s face portrayed. Legions of emotions were marching through her skull and she was trying to reason with the army. Lexa obviously didn’t blame Clarke for Costia’s death but the mere notion of fate being so vicious and destructive was a spear through her heart. She began to back away from both of the women, “I-I-I… have to go.” Her eyes left Raven’s stare and then settled on Clarke’s intrusive sapphire’s - “I’m… so sorry, Clarke.” It was sincere heartbreak. She needed time - they both did - but walking away from Clarke, while she was in pain, was like ripping out stitches that had begun to heal. 

She was out the door before Clarke could even comprehend what happened. “Ray-what…?”

Raven looked at the floor before darting her eyes to Clarke’s, “I’ll explain later. You should rest.”

“No! What happened?!”

“Clarke - let’s talk about it later - please.” Clarke had seen Raven go through breakups and had seen her through her disappointment when her research was rejected for publishing but this was completely different. She looked defeated - something Clarke thought was impossible for Raven. The rejection she felt from Lexa leaving in such a hurry and Raven’s unidentifiable emotions… is it… guilt? “Oh my God…did you… sleep together?”

Raven’s devastated eye’s turned stubborn, “N-no. Of course not…”

Clarke placed a relieved hand on her heart, “Whatever it is, you can tell me…” She took a step closer to raven and reached a hand to her shoulder for comfort. 

“You… need to know but… It’s going to hurt you so badly, Clarke. Since you met Lexa, you’ve been the happiest I’ve seen you in a long while and I don’t… want that to end for you…” Raven frantically wiped her nose of tears and snot. 

“Ray - just tell me!” This was the worst day of the year and all of THIS was just giving her critical level anxiety. “FUCKING TELL ME RAVEN!”

Raven flinched, “It was Costia.”

Silence.

Raven pitifully looked up at Clarke whose face was painted with confusion. 

“The car accident, Clarke. It was Costia.”


	13. The One About New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad for taking so long between updates so I finished this up on my phone. I apologize for any typos and what not. I’ll go back and edit when I can. 
> 
> THIS IS CLEXA ENDGAME CAUSE I AM NOT A MONSTER. I live for happy endings and could never write otherwise - have faith in true love!

“OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!” When Clarke finally understood what she was trying to say, she collapsed. Raven ran to her to try to help but Clarke became catatonic. The brunette jumped up and quickly dialed 911.

Once admitted to the hospital, the staff social workers all agreed that Clarke was suffering from extreme PTSD and was assigned a specialist for the next few months to help her cope. Raven called off work and only left Clarke’s side to pick up Lillian and Howard from the airport and to drive them back and forth between their hotel and the hospital.

After two weeks of 24-hour monitoring, Clarke was released to go back home. Her nightmares had returned but once she was back in her apartment they strangely began to subside. And something had shifted about the way Clarke thought about the accident. Before knowing it was Costia, Clarke blamed herself. How could she not? She was stuck in that car, forced to watch this woman suffer and die. Clarke began to find closure over the last few years through therapy and help from her grandparents and Raven. She understood that it wasn’t her fault but she was Lexa’s wife. The fresh turmoil of Lexa associating Clarke with this twisted, fucked up fate had Clarke absolutely gutted.

After a few months, Clarke went back to work. Lillian and How-woo reluctantly went back to Texas but they checked in daily and if Clarke refused to answer her phone, they called Raven. When Clarke wasn’t at work, she spent most of her time in her bedroom with the door closed and rarely came out.

“It’s like living with a ghost… a shell,” Raven admitted to her girlfriend, Anya.

“Yeah - Lexa seems a lot like her old self… the way she described herself before meeting my sister. I don’t know what to do or what to say. She’s just cold all the time,” Anya rested her head on Raven’s shoulder.

“Maybe we should… force them to talk?” Raven suggested but Anya twitched. “No - not to each other but to us… Holding it in, pretending like they both haven’t just had the rug pulled out from under them - it’s not safe.”

“Babe, I love your heart but we aren’t therapists. I don’t think we should get involved. If either of them want to talk, they will.”

Raven grimaced. That wasn’t good enough for her.

\--- **Two more months later**

Clarke started smiling more and more. It freaked the hell out of Raven. In all her life, she never saw Clarke smile like this. It was some serious Stepford Wife-shit. Raven couldn’t stand it another second.

“Good morning!” Clarke chirped one morning while pouring herself a cup of coffee - Clarke had never been a morning person. “The high is supposed to be in the 70’s. That’s cool for May, don’t you think?” She noted without meeting Raven’s eyes. She never looked Raven in the face for fear she would be seen right through.

“Enough,” Raven murmured.

Clarke stopped pouring, “Excuse me?”

Raven slammed her fists on the kitchen table. “ENOUGH! This isn’t you, Clarke! This isn’t us! I have been tiptoeing around you, waiting for you to talk to me for months! You - you sound insane! I need my friend back. Broken - in pieces - I don’t care. This isn’t healthy!”

Clarke was stunned but ultimately not surprised. However, the truth of what Raven was yelling about only pissed Clarke off, “YOU WANT ME TO TALK!? OK FINE!” She ran up to Raven and got in her face, “First, I feel like a fucking MONSTER because I’m not even upset that I killed a person anymore, I’m upset that I killed LEXA’s person! How fucked up is that!? Second, Lexa is gone! YOU told her to go and she did! She’s DISGUSTED by me! SOULMATES!? HAH! We were so fucking stupid!” Clarke stopped to sneer, “God is a fucking kid with a magnifying glass and we are just pitiful goddamned ants!”

Clarke stormed off to her room, forgetting her coffee on the counter. She slammed the door and, to Raven, it felt like the whole apartment shook. The brunette stood up so fast that the chair collapsed to the floor behind her with a loud clang.

She barged into Clarke’s huge mess of a room, “FIRST OF ALL - that does not make you a monster! That means that you finally don’t blame yourself for something that was never your fault, to begin with! You’re a human-GODDAMN-being and if you weren’t traumatized and fucked up over this, THEN yes, you’d be a monster. TWO - if you want to think God is a sadistic asshole, be my guest, Clarke. But I don’t think so. I think, as fucked up as this is, it all happened for a reason. You being with Costia at the end, you and Lexa meeting - how DARE you diminish the gift the two of you have been given!”

Clarke was mortified. After a staring contest and a few huffs of breath from each woman, Clarke spoke in the smallest voice imaginable between choked sobs, “How could she ever look at me again? How could she ever love me after this?”

There it was. There was the pain that changed. She obviously still felt some level of guilt, shame, and certainly fear over Costia’s death, that would never go away, just become duller and duller over time. What was different was that Clarke was broken over Lexa being gone and staying gone.

Raven ran to her friend and held her for the first time since that night in March. She wiped her tears and rocked her to sleep like before.

\--- **next morning**

Clarke went to work. She was groggy from falling asleep crying but even she would admit feeling somewhat relieved at having Raven back. Speaking of which, Raven lied about going into work but instead met Anya for brunch. They hadn’t disclosed their relationship to Lexa or Clarke because they didn’t want to stoke any further angst or fear of distrust from their loved ones.

“How’d it go?!” Anya leaned in to kiss her girlfriend quickly and went back to talking, “Last thing you texted me was that you had lost your temper but that you were staying with her in her room while she cried. Is she OK? Are y’all OK?”

“Yeah, no. She said some pretty terrible shit about God and I just los-”

“Wait - are you religious?”

“Anya - I’m a latina from Texas.”

“I… don’t know what that means…”

“Jesus Christ, it means I’m Catholic!” Raven rolls her eyes and waves her hands, “That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that Clarke seems to have traversed the gap of blaming herself for your sister’s death but she is devastated at losing Lexa and the fear of Lexa never being able to move past this. Understandably, since I really do believe they are soulmates.”

Anya had accepted her sister’s death a long time ago. The man at fault was in prison and that was all the closure she needed. What was re-breaking her heart was seeing Lexa live through it all again and to know about Clarke’s suffering and history. Anya remembered the day Lexa found out about Clarke.

Raven had texted her girlfriend after the ambulance arrived at the hospital. Anya remembered running out of a meeting and driving straight to Lexa’s apartment. Lexa was inconsolable for days, she hardly drank, she didn’t eat - the only thing she said was, “I feel like something in me has been ripped away - it hurts - it physically HURTS me, An!” She remembered the way Lexa clutched at her heart and fell to her knees with tears streaming down her face. She remembered feeling disgusted at how cruel the hand was that these two girls had been dealt.

“Poor Clarke. I can’t even imagine,” She thought as she slumped into her chair. “I would be devastated if I was finding closure and to then suddenly have that wound reopened. It would absolutely gut me.”

Raven grimaced trying to empathize with Lexa and Clarke, imagining if it were her and Anya in their positions. The thought alone sent uneasy shivers up her spine. “I think she’s going to be OK though. She was… weirdly calm this morning - not fake happy but not angry either.”

That comment made Anya’s ears perk up. She creased her eyebrows together and looked up at Raven, “About what time did everything go down with Clarke last night?”

“I don’t know - like 10ish? Why?”

“What the fuck…” Anya whispered allowed as it all began to make sense to her. “So last night, Lexa stayed late in the office - again. She seemed fine as in her normal cold, stoic self but then she became furious for no apparent reason. I heard a loud crash so I ran into her office. Lexa had knocked over a chair and threw something heavy at her bookshelf, breaking one of them. I have never seen her like that. She gets angry but… not like this. She was crumpled and heaving on the floor when I walked in. I ran up to her and she was just sobbing and kept murmuring that she didn’t know what was going on. Then this morning, she got back from her yoga appointment and seemed totally fine, like nothing had happened.”

Raven realized what Anya was hinting at, “You think… Oh, shit. They’re affecting each other…”

Both girls sat in silence for several long moments, contemplating every outburst or every change in behavior.

“Ray, this actually makes so much sense! If Clarke has been fake happy and Lexa can feel it, Lexa must be intentionally cold and unfeeling because she thinks that Clarke is totally fine without her. And Clarke is continuing to be fake happy because she thinks Lexa is resentful and grieving and doesn’t want to see her ever again…”

“OH MY GOD! ANYA! THIS IS THE MOST TRAGIC LOVE STORY BULLSHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD!”

Everyone sitting at the tables around them looked at Raven and Anya with disdain for the latina’s outburst. Anya leaned forward and whispered, “We have to do something about this… they’re soulmates… they can make this work…”

Raven smiled, “Have I ever told you how hot you make me when you meddle!?”

Anya gulped.

\--- **Two Weeks Later**

Anya and Raven had taken to texting each other about Lexa and Clarke’s moods. They hoped to ‘assist from a distance’ in creating a balance of normalcy so that when they did cross paths again - a fate they are surely condemned to - they wouldn’t be such basketcases about everything.

When either party was feeling particularly sad or upset, Raven and Anya would send them YouTube videos of naked cats or old people getting puppies. If they became too happy, causing their soulmate to become upset, they would send videos of soldiers coming home to their pets or videos of Donald Trump talking. However, the D.T. videos worked too well, too quickly so they had to stop using those.

“This is exhausting,” Anya said while wrapped up in her girlfriend’s arms.

Raven sighed, “I know. They have to confront each other at some point…”

“No. That’s too much. Too far. We can’t force them to face each other. It could have the adverse effect and then we are back at square one, if we are lucky!”

“Calm down. I just meant that they’ll have to eventually be in the same room as each other for our engagement party,” Raven said matter-of-factly.

“Ugh! I know! I just wish that - wait - what?” Anya shot up from the couch and stared directly at Raven.

Raven slipped off the couch and kneeled in front of her girlfriend, “Look - Anya - I know we’ve only been together for a short while but if there’s one thing we have learned in these last six months it’s that when you know, you know. I fell in love with you the moment that I met you at the bar in that gala. You have these beautiful eyes and this infectious smile that I never want to stop looking at. You are so intelligent and independent and driven - you impress me, you make me proud to know you, and it is a joy to love you. There’s no rush to get married but I just want you to know that I’m yours - forever, whenever, wherever.” She opened the box to reveal a breathtaking diamond ring.

Anya’s face remained stoic but she slowly began to form a grimace and Raven’s heart sank. Raven dropped her eyes down to the ring and began uncomfortably shifting her weight in her knees.

“Do you not li-”

“I AM FUCKING WITH YOU RAY! Of course I’ll marry you!!” Anya lept from the couch, wrapped her arms around her fiancée and tackled her to the floor.

Raven groaned half in pain, half in relief, “Ugh! Holy shit!”

Anya pressed both of her hands to the sides of Raven’s face and kissed her deeply and desperately. “Can I - can I see the ring again?” Anya asked sweetly after the laughs and joyful kissing subsided.

“Oh yeah, of course!” Raven shifted in the floor to face Anya and presented the box to her again. “Do you want me to… put it on?”

Anya’s eyes pierced through the rest of Raven’s apprehension, “Yes, dear, put a ring on it!”

Raven’s smile wrapped around her entire head as she slipped the diamond onto Anya’s finger. She fluttered her fingers and watched the light catch every precious edge. “It’s beautiful, Ray. It’s absolutely perfect.” She leaned forward and pressed another desperate kiss to Raven’s lips. “Now we just need to figure out how to get our best gals in the same room together for an engagement party.”

Raven rolled onto her back and shrugged, “I can’t even think about that right now. My heart is still racing from thinking you were going to say no to me!”

“Aw, my sweet love! I’m sorry I scared you. You always prank me so I - I thought I’d finally get you back!”

“I just,” Raven sniffles and a few tears rolled down her temples and into her tousled hair. “I couldn’t imagine life without you!”

Anya sat up immediately, “Oh my God! I’m so sorry, baby! I was just teasing! I didn’t think you’d be so-”

Anya stopped talking when she saw Raven’s belly bouncing. Raven was crying very hard but Anya couldn’t see her face because it was covered by her hands.

“Baby, I’m so, so sorry!” Anya reached up and pulled Raven’s hands down to reveal a red face filled with silent laughter.

“Prank! Payback’s a bitch, An!”

“YOU CUN-”

Raven quickly moved to straddle Anya and pressed her palm to Anya’s mouth. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes. “No future Reyes uses that kind of language!”

“Me a Reyes?! Why aren’t you going to be a Greene?!”

“Because I refuse to have a first and last name both be colors…”

Anya started laughing at Raven’s deadpan stare, “That is so true! I would never have thought of that! No matter,” she propped herself up on her elbows and gave Raven a sumptuous stare, “plus, I’ve thought about being a Reyes a time or two before. It’s grown on me.” She winked.

They spent the rest of the evening making blissful, happy love. Raven didn’t stay the night with Anya though. They’d spent most of the day away from Clarke and Lexa and were both feeling the urge to check on them.

However, fate is an odd thing and of course it always has its own little ways of sorting itself out…


	14. The One With the Reconnection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angst is over!

In this exact moment, it has been seven months since either Lexa or Clarke has uttered the other’s name aloud. It has only been 7 seconds since either have thought of the other, missed the other, longed for the other. 

 

For the first five and a half months, Lexa spiraled into a void of self-deprecation and self-blame. Lexa believed that if she had been a better partner, Costia wouldn’t have been meeting with a lawyer on that side of town. Costia wouldn’t have been standing on that sidewalk, talking to Lexa on the phone, telling her that they had lost the spark. Lexa wouldn’t have heard tires squealing and crunching metal over the phone before the line went dead. 

 

To Lexa, Clarke deserved so much better than a woman who didn’t give herself fully to her wife and got her killed. So - Lexa locked herself away in her ivory tower, like the beast she felt she was. She sentenced herself to a life of deserved solitude so that her true love could find happiness elsewhere because she is a dramatic gay fuck. 

 

Clarke felt abandoned but she understood. How could Lexa ever look at her and not see her wife’s killer. Clarke remembered that Lexa and Costia were divorcing but she also remembered the woman trapped by the hood of her car screaming and begging Clarke to tell the mysterious “HER” that she was still in love. Sure, maybe Clarke and Lexa were soulmates but that was only because Clarke took out Lexa’s first love with her car. 

 

_ What a mess. _

 

Clarke shut her eyes tightly, trying to push away the vulgar and suffocating thoughts from her head. That’s what her therapist told her to do - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. When the thoughts of trauma arise, be forcefully positive, think about something else, think about the trauma as but a chapter in her life, think of -

 

“It’s not always that easy.” 

 

A voice in her flower shop startled Clarke from her daze. “I-I’m sorry. Was I talking out loud again?”

 

The older woman peeked from behind a display of flowers, “Not at all, dear. I was just thinking out loud.”

 

This woman felt… off… to Clarke. She couldn’t quite place the reason though. Perhaps she looked familiar? Clarke has always been good with faces though. It was the eyes. The woman’s eyes were familiar but Clarke felt like her face didn’t belong to them. “Ahem, is there something in particular you’re looking for or perhaps a special occasion?”

 

The older woman smiled. It was the softest, kindest smile Clarke had ever seen. The wrinkles folded in her cheeks and small creases formed in the corners of her eyes. “Well,” she took in a deep breath and sighed. Clarke immediately felt more relaxed around the woman, like slipping into a fresh, hot bath. “I’m looking for a bouquet of Camellias.”

 

“Oh, um…”

 

“I know they can be quite hard to find all the way here in New York but they are my absolute favorite. I have spent quite some time trying to find some but I ran into a nice young lady on the street just a few blocks from here and she suggested your shop,” another bright grin came from the lady.

 

Clarke was having a bit of a hard time processing. Camellias were generally a southern flower and they happened to be the exact flowers her parents sent her on her birthday. That thought was quickly tossed to the side when the older woman said someone had suggested her shop. Clarke couldn’t help the soft gentle smile that crossed her lips. 

 

_ She thought of Lexa.  _

 

“I’m so sorry, dear. Did I trigger a fond memory?”

 

Clarke looked up, realizing there were tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m so sorry!” The older woman stepped closer to Clarke and handed her a handkerchief and Clarke dabbed her tears away with it. Her thumb absently traced the embroidered initials “I.W.”, each letter a blend of gold thread and a familiar green. 

 

“Is - Is this your name?” Clarke nodded as she handed the cloth back to the woman. 

 

“Oh no, no. This belongs to a friend of mine who let me borrow it for the day.”

 

_ Who lets someone borrow their handkerchief for a day? _

 

Clarke masked her face of bizarre confusion.

 

“My name is Moirai, or Moira for those who can’t pronounce it,” the woman’s fond smile was like honey and almost mischievous. It was thick and sweet; Clarke couldn’t help but get stuck in it.

 

“It’s a very beautiful name. As to your flowers, I do have them. I’m quite fond of them myself. My parents used to send them to me when they were away for work,” Clarke left her counter and pulled out several fresh stems. She brought them back to the counter and began cutting them into a beautiful bouquet. “As a child, I would get lost in how perfectly placed each petal was, it seemed so purposeful. I was entranced by flowers even at a young age. I guess I always knew I would have a flower shop.”

 

The snap of the scissors woke her up from some sort of trance. She blinked several times before looking down, realizing she had gone into autopilot mode.

 

“How long have you owned this shop, Clarke?”

 

Clarke’s eyes shot up - she never told the woman her name.

 

The woman simply smiled and pointed with a soft finger to the embroidered name on Clarke’s shirt, clearly written over her left breast. Clarke’s eyes pleaded with the woman. Again, all the woman had to do was smile and Clarke was in a haze again.

 

“Um - about 4 years. I came here from Texas. It was a rough start but things got better… until recently,” Clarke’s shoulders shrugged as she began again with the bouquet creation.

 

“Boy trouble?” the woman asked happily as she walked around the shop. She stared at each individual flower as if she was inspecting them. 

 

“N-no, actually, girl trouble.”

 

“Ah, it sounds complicated, Clarke,” the woman absently noted while making incredibly strong eye contact with a particularly purple hydrangea. 

 

“Yes,” Clarke says almost sleepily. “I killed my soulmates wife. She blames me.”

 

The woman stood up straight and looked at Clarke with the same intensity as the flowers, “Are you so sure of that?”

 

Clarke snorted. “Of course I am sure. How could she not? How could she ever look at me and not think of what happened? It’s - what we had, it’s tainted. It’s - broken. Now we must - survive,” Clarke shrugged her shoulders and began wrapping the bouquet in brown paper.

 

The older woman contemplated Clarke’s feelings, studied the muscles on Clarke’s face, all the while coiling and uncoiling a tiny red thread around her fingers. “Clarke, dear, have you ever thought that maybe life was meant to be about more than just surviving?”

 

Clarke’s eyes shot up once again and pierced through the green ones staring back at her. Something about those words - they felt familiar - so distant but so, so close. “Perhaps for others, but my fate is sealed.”

 

The woman’s face softened from its intensity and the waved a pointed finger towards Clarke, “You know, fate is a funny thing. It is precarious, it is finicky, but it is never mistaken. Fate may grant people long, beautiful lives but Death does not control fate but rather, fate may influence death. Perhaps your accident served a higher purpose or perhaps it was history destined to repeat itself.”

 

Clarke had been tying the ribbon around the bouquet but stopped to sneer at the woman’s unwarranted advice, “What a terrible fate to be destined to die over and over again to simply be the catalyst for the woman you love to find her true love. No, I don’t accept that.” 

 

The woman didn’t smile this time but instead responded curtly, “Do you believe in heaven, Clarke? Or even in other planes of existence other than the one we exist in right now? Do you believe the universe to be so cruel to exist in such a way?”

 

Clarke hesitated. 

 

“Perhaps this woman you feel you killed has a destiny to fulfill elsewhere, a soulmate of her own she is fated to meet in another existence.”

 

“I want to believe that. I’m even desperate to believe it but… I can never know for sure. I will only ever know the desperation in her voice when she said she loved Lexa before she died.”

 

The woman in her shop rushed behind the counter and gripped Clarke’s face with both hands. Clare was unable to move, her foot felt rooted straight into the floor. The woman was nose-to-nose with Clarke and Clarke’s blue eyes were filled only with the sight of green ones. The harder Clarke stared, the more she realized the eyes that once were a familiar green became a pair of hazel ones which she’d seen once before. Clarke felt herself drifting toward unconsciousness and then she suddenly heard a voice inside her head.

  
_ Clarke. Listen to me. Do not blame yourself. I am where I am meant to be. I am happy. _

 

_ Lexa needs you, Clarke. Your souls are entwined and the farther apart you drift, the more pain and despair your lives will be filled with. _

 

_ Go to her. Stop resisting, Clarke, and go! _

 

_ GO! _

 

Clarke snapped awake and took a startling step forward as if someone had shoved her. She looked around for the woman who introduced herself as Moira but she was gone. The bouquet of flowers that Clarke remembers making was also gone. There weren’t even cut stems on the counter. She spun around and looked at where she had kept the flowers and the pot was full as if she had never taken any in the first place.

 

“What the fuck?” Clarke rubbed her head absently, considering maybe she had fallen asleep standing up or hit her head. Then it caught her eye. There was a white business card on top of a $100 bill. Clarke reluctantly reached for the card and in red script, much like the string she was coiling, it said:  _ Please deliver a bouquet of camellias to the gazebo at 9:07PM. _

 

Clarke said aloud to herself, “This isn’t happening…” Clarke paced in her shop until closing time contemplating the likelihood that this was an elaborate prank from Raven or perhaps she was actually losing her mind. Losing her mind seemed to be the most likely scenario. She pinned the card and the $100 to the board in the back and decided if it was still there tomorrow, she’d know it was a prank. If it wasn’t, well then, she will at least know that magic exists and she really did never get her invitation to Hogwarts. 

 

“Life isn’t a movie, Clarke, you’re just tired,” she admonished herself.

 

Just before she locked the door, she remembered that Raven told her they needed fresh flowers in the house and that the old ones were beginning to smell like farts. Clarke rolled her eyes and went back into the shop and began collecting a few stalks. As she crafted the bouquet, she couldn’t shake her thoughts of Lexa. She put everything away and instead began remaking a bouquet of camellias. 

 

She remembered the day the brunette first walked into her shop and the conversation about each of their favorite flowers. A tear began to trickle down her cheek and it quickly turned into a choking sob. She missed Lexa desperately. Everything was a haze and hues of grey without her. Joy felt muted and sadness felt more like despair.

 

Clarke slammed her fists on the counter and released a deep, guttural scream. “FUCK!” She looked at her watch: 9:06PM  _ Shit. _

 

She reached for her coat off the back door, grabbed the flowers and rushed out the door. She began sprinting down the sidewalk and turned toward the park where she and Lexa spent their first night together talking.

 

“UGH!”

 

Clarke blinked as she tried to regain her footing. She had turned the corner at the same time as someone else and they’d crashed into one another. Clarke had small cuts on the palms of her hands and a busted lip from smashing her face into the person’s shoulder. 

 

“I’m so, so sorry. I was in a bit of a hurry. Let me help you up,” Clarke groaned as she tried to stand.    
  
_ I know that hair. I know that smell. Shit shit shit. _

 

“Clarke? Why are you running?” “What are you doing here?” they asked simultaneously.

 

They both looked down and saw their ruined bouquets of flowers and the petals strewn across the sidewalk.  _ Oh, flowers. She’s probably got a date or something. _ They both thought of the other.

 

The thought of the other seeing someone new churned their stomachs but they both tried to be unselfishly supportive by smiling at the other but neither spoke.  _ Awkward _ .

 

“It-”

 

“I was-”

 

They both smiled and averted their eyes. Clarke began again before Lexa could. “It’s sort of a long story but… This woman came into my shop today looking for camellias…”

 

“Your favorite,” Lexa noted. She said it without realizing and her face remained unreadable. She did, however, look into Clarke’s blue eyes for the first time since they bumped into one another. The intensity startled Clarke and she quickly had to look away.

 

“Um… she said someone a few blocks away had recommended the shop to her. It made me think of you… well, I-I haven’t stopped thinking of you, if I’m being honest, but something about her was so…”

 

“Familiar.” 

 

Their eyes met again.

 

“Clarke - I think we should talk… If you want…”

 

“YEAH!” Clarke responded a bit too eagerly. “Ye-yes. I agree.”

 

The slightest smirk appeared on Lexa’s cheek. Something about it told Clarke everything was going to be OK. 

 

\----

Lexa began picking up the two bouquets, “I trust our stories will reveal why we both have a bouquet of our favorite flowers…”

 

“Yeah, actually, they’re for you.”

 

Lexa actually laughed for the first time in God knows how long, “I feel like this is going to be a very interesting story.” 

 

Clarke smiled. “Where to?”

 

“Feel up for some coffee?” 

 

“I-I’ve actually started drinking tea,” Clarke admitted shyly. She went through a phase of mourning where she started doing things that reminded her of Lexa in order to feel like she was still there.

 

All Lexa did was smirk, “I know just the place.”

 

They each got their cup of tea and took a seat on a loveseat in the back. Clarke sat first and propped her leg up on the cushion in order to face Lexa - Lexa did the same.

 

“Who wants to start?”

 

“Where do we start?”

 

Clarke contemplated, “Good point… um… how about we start with that night and then go up until now?” Clarke saw Lexa’s near-unnoticeable wince. “I don’t mind going first if it makes you more comfortable.”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

“OK… um… so you left. I - uh - didn’t react very well to the revelation. I spent some time in the - uh - in the…” Clarke was embarrassed to admit it. 

 

“I know about the hospital, Clarke.” Lexa’s face revealed her guilt, her wounds. 

 

“H-how?”

 

“I… forced Anya to keep track of you for a while,” Lexa admitted guiltily. “Raven told me to go and then for a few weeks no one told me to come back. I could feel your emotions - you were so…”

 

“Unstable,” Clarke said absently, understanding why Lexa left and why she stayed away.

 

“I desperately wanted to see you, Clarke, to talk to you, but I felt like if I came back into your life too soon it would… then two weeks turned into two months… You seemed happy. You seemed OK.”

 

“I was coping, Lexa, not moved on,” Clarke regretted the curtness of her statement but it was honest.

 

Lexa still didn’t look up at the blonde, “I felt like I would ruin that happiness for you because all I have done is cause you pain. Everyone I love suffers. I loved my mom, she died. I loved Costia, she died. I… I don’t want to destroy your chance at happiness.”

 

“Lexa… no. None of that is your fault! I didn’t contact you because I thought maybe you blamed ME for Costia. How could you not?!”   
  


“What!? No, Clarke! If I had been the wife Costia wanted, she wouldn’t have been meeting with a lawyer that day. Clarke, don’t you see!? Of course, it’s my fault! She begged me to step away from work and I couldn’t even do that for her! She died because of me! I couldn’t… I could never bear that happening to you too.” There were tears streaming down Lexa’s face. The dam she’d built up for six months was crumbling at the weight of everything she had walled away.

 

“Maybe,” Clarke hesitated, “Maybe Costia has found love elsewhere. Perhaps this is all meant to be - history repeating itself.”

 

Lexa’s swollen red eyes pierced through Clarke, “Where did you hear that?”

 

“What?”

 

“Did someone say that to you?” Lexa was almost panicked, like a cornered animal.

 

“Uh, yeah, actually. It was the strangest thing. A woman came into…”

 

“What did she look like?” Lexa looked like she was about to leap from her cushion.

 

“Um… I - don’t know? It’s the weirdest thing. It felt so real but not… And now I can’t remember what she looked like - This is so strange.” Clarke’s eyebrows creased in confusion as she struggled to remember the encounter, “I just remember her eyes. They were green and soft. She said something to me and I began to cry. She handed me this beautifully embroidered handkerchief.” The crease between her brow deepened further, “There were initials on the cloth… I.W. in green and gold.”

 

Lexa’s eyes shot up. “What did you just say?”

 

Clarke was terrified at Lexa’s expression. “Um… I said it had initials…”

Lexa blinked several times, “Indra Woods.”

 

“Oh my God, Lexa. Your mother.”

 

Lexa’s chin began to quake and she tried to blink the tears out of her eyes. “My father had a handkerchief made for my mother when they married. She said she kept it because it reminded her of how happy they had been…. Did… she say anything else?”

 

Clarke desperately wished she had some sort of meaningful message from Lexa’s mother, “No, I’m so sorry, Lex. But something else did happen.”

 

Lexa nodded for Clarke to continue.

 

“I became...hostile with her and she ran up to me and grabbed me by the face. I felt like I had been drugged because I watched her eyes turn colors. They became hazel with golden rings around the center…”

 

“Costia,” Lexa whispered and shut her eyes tightly.

 

“She said she’s happy. She said she is where she’s supposed to be.”

 

Lexa hesitated for a moment, “That’s not all she said is it?”

 

Clarke had looked down at her hands and admitted in a small voice, “She said we are connected and the more we pull apart, the more it’s going to hurt us.”    
  
Their eyes met for a long moment, sharing mutual excitement and crippling fear.

 

“I think I met your parents today, Clarke…” Lexa admitted with a strange smile.

 

“What?”

 

“I got lunch out of the office today - at that Chinese restaurant you like so much.” Clarke couldn’t help the smile. They both never really let the other go. “When I walked out, I saw this couple bickering on the street about directions so I walked up to them and offered some help.”

 

“Of course you did,” Clarke teased.

 

Lexa’s grin matched Clarke’s but it soon faded, “They said their daughter had just moved to New York and they were going to meet her but they wanted to buy her flowers first. I - I recommended your shop.” She admitted it shyly, knowing what it revealed about her inner thoughts. “I told them to buy your Texas Bluebonnets and that yours were the best around. The husband put his hand on my shoulder and that’s when I noticed how blue both of their eyes were. They were SO blue, Clarke. I felt like I stared at them for an eternity and then everything went kind of hazy, just like you described. I heard their voices in my head telling me that life should be about more than surviving. They both said how proud they were of you and that I needed to go to you immediately. When I opened my eyes, they were gone, and I had flowers in my hand.” 

 

“They said they were proud of me?” Clarke’s voice was shaky. 

 

Lexa lunged towards Clarke and wrapped her in a cradling hug. They desperately clung to each other for an eternity. Lexa softly rubbed Clarke’s back as the blonde cried. When the tears turned back to whimpers, the women leaned away.

 

“Clarke, I will always love you and if you need more time, I - I will give you anything you need. I just need to know that you still lov-”

 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s face and pulled her in for deep, passionate kiss. Both their eyes were screwed shut and their hands feverishly gripped at clothes, pulling at each other to get closer. 

 

“I’ve missed you so much, Lex, it’s felt like I was being torn from the inside out. I-I don’t ever want you to leave again. I love you.” 

 

The women stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for over an hour. Lexa only stepped away to use the restroom and returned with a coffee. Clarke smiled, “It’s like you can read my mind.”

 

“Something about you was off and I realized it’s because of severe caffeine withdrawal. The tea just wasn’t doing it for you.”

 

Clarke mumbled, “Mindreader.”

 

Lexa smiled and placed a kiss on Clarke’s temple. “We will figure us out, I promise. But first, we need to talk about what to do with Anya and Raven?”

 

“What do you mean?”   
  


“You have no idea do you?”

“What?”

 

“They’ve been dating behind our backs this entire time and I’m pretty sure one of them proposed…”

 

“WHAT!?” Clarke stood up from the couch, nearly spilling her coffee.

 

“Wow. You really didn’t know. OK. I only found out because Anya started receiving wedding magazines to the office and I picked one up and she got very… dodgy.” 

 

“How could they not tell us?”

 

“I mean… we’ve both been pretty fragile these last six months and I think maybe we’ve been a little self-indulgent?” Lexa suggested guiltily. 

 

“Oh God… we are terrible friends.”

 

“Yeaaaaaah… know what would be funny though? Let’s go crash their date right now! They’d be so surprised we are together! They’re probably racking their brains on how to get us into the same room for the wedding…” 

 

Clarke’s mischievous smile matched Lexa’s, “Let’s do it!”   
  
With another kiss, they were off.


	15. The One Where They Meet Again

“Raven told me she was working late on a project,” Clarke said.

 

“And Anya told me she had to leave the office early for a doctor’s appointment,” Lexa rolled her eyes. “They’re obviously at Anya’s place.”

 

The two women smiled at each other, the bliss of being back together wasn’t going to wear off anytime soon so everything made them giddy. They took the long way to Anya’s apartment, Clarke clinging to Lexa’s strong arms and burying her face into her neck to smell that familiar cologne she longed for.

 

Lexa walked up to the apartment first and knocked. Anya slowly opened the door and then her eyes went wide, “Lexa! What are you doing here?”

 

“Hey - I - I don’t know. I was wondering if you had time to talk…”

 

 _Fuck. She’s so convincing_. Clarke thought to herself. Lexa’s phone was in her breast pocket and Clarke was able to hear everything, waiting until the perfect moment to knock on Anya’s door after they got inside and talked for a minute.

 

Anya looked back into her apartment. It was mostly hidden by the door and Lexa had to suppress a smile. Anya turned to face Lexa, “Yeah, sure, come on in. It’s just a little dirty is why I hesitated.”

 

It was immaculate except for the two dirty salad bowls, two dirty plates, and two empty wine glasses at the table. “Are you alone?”

 

“Yeah! Why do you ask?” Anya nervously asked.

 

“I just didn’t want to interrupt anything. I don’t want to be a burden,” Lexa put on her best sullen face.

 

“Aw, Lexa, I’m always here for you,” Anya pulled her into a hug. Anya doesn’t hug. Lexa knew immediately that she was waving her away so she would go hide in a better spot. “So, Lexa, tell me what’s going on.”

 

“Honestly… I feel like we’ve grown apart. I know I’ve been very selfish lately and - you’ve always been my best friend. I saw that wedding magazine on your desk the other day...”

 

Anya’s heart seized. _Shit shit shit_.

 

Clarke was outside giggling her ass off.

 

“I just want to make sure you know that whoever she is, she’s a lucky girl and you have my blessing. I know you were torn up about Raven and I wasn’t very supportive but I’m happy it’s worked out this way. I never really liked her anyways.”

 

A huge clash came from the hallway closet.

 

“Wha?” Lexa turned to look at the closet door, doing her best to hide her smile.

 

“LEXA!” Anya practically yelled to get Lexa to look back at her. “You’ve been understandably preoccupied. I’m not upset one bit about it and… if I was dating anyone… you’d obviously be the first to know so… NO WORRIES! Um - is that it? Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Anya stood.

 

“I mean, maybe, I don’t know…”

 

Anya sat back down.

 

Then another knock at the door came. _What the actual fuck_ , Anya and Raven simultaneously thought.

 

Anya gave Lexa and the closet apologetic looks. She slowly opened the door and it was Clarke - crying - actually crying tears.

 

“Clarke?” Anya questioned confusedly.

 

“H-hey, Anya. I know this is random,” she sniffled, “I just… I need to know she’s OK. I still love her.” Then Clarke started WAILING. Anya hesitated and looked back at Lexa who offered her a panicked look. Anya waved her arm aggressively so she’d go hide. Lexa reached for the closet door and Anya screamed, “NO!”

 

Lexa turned and ran towards the pantry and Clarke looked up, seemingly horrified by Anya’s reaction. “No, no, no, not you dear. The cat… started to jump… on the table.”

 

“You have a cat?” Clarke questioned genuinely.

 

“Uh… yeah.” It was a lie.

 

Anya finally opened the door wider and motioned for Clarke to sit down in the exact spot that Lexa had sat in which happened to also be the exact spot Raven had been in before Lexa knocked on the door. “Ooh, this spot is warm. Do you have company?”

 

“NO. Um. No, just me,” Anya smiled. “So tell me Clarke, why are you here?”

 

Clarke began with the fake tears again.

 

 _God she’s good!_ Lexa thought.

 

“I just - I miss her Anya and I feel like I can’t talk to Raven about it because she’s so busy and I know she’s upset over your breakup.” Anya squinted at Clarke - something seemed very fishy about this.

 

“Oh really?” Anya leaned back.

 

Clarke looked up and a smile began to spread. She was a terrible liar but apparently a very convincing crier. “EVERYBODY OUT! RAY! WE’VE BEEN TRICKED IN OUR OWN HOME!!!”

 

“What the actual fuck is going on!?” Raven bursted out of the closet, tons of gear and shoes tumbling out after her.

 

Lexa came out of the pantry with laughter-tears streaming down her face. She ran up to Clarke and wrapped her arms around her from behind and planted a kiss on her cheek, “You were so good, baby.” Clarke relished in the embrace.

 

“How in the…” Anya’s jaw was slack and pointed at the two women.

 

“It’s quite a story if you two want to hear it, but first, congratulations on your engagement. Lex and I are sorry we burdened you with any worry about us in a time that she be filled with only bliss,” Clarke spoke genuinely.

 

Raven rushed her and wrapped her in a very tight hug, “I love you. Thank you!!!” Raven burried her face in Clarke’s blonde hair and a few uncharacteristic tears rolled down her cheeks. “I really love her,” Raven whispered.

 

“I know. I’m so happy for you,” Clarke whispered back.

 

Raven jumped back and clapped her hands really hard, willing the emotions away, “OK! Now tell us what the hell happened!”

 

Lexa spoke about her experience and how she spent the rest of the day in the office. She explained how she paced back and forth and stared at the flowers, expecting them to disappear every time she blinked. She finally decided that even if she didn’t talk to Clarke, she could at least go there and SEE her.

 

“You were going to stalk me?” Clarke asked and leaned away from Lexa’s embrace.

 

“Only a little, my love,” Lexa winked.

 

Then Clarke explained her experience and how she literally ran into Lexa.

 

“It’s like a poorly written romantic comedy or a really good lesbian fanfic,” Anya teased causing Lexa and Clarke both to roll their eyes and laugh along.

 

Raven was contemplating something and chewing on her lip. “What is it Ray?” asked Clarke.

 

“Is no one wondering who the fuck these ghost people were?”

 

“Well yeah, but everything else about our relationship seemed so other-worldly that we haven’t really questioned it,” admitted Lexa.

 

“What was her name again, Clarke?”

 

Clarke looked up trying to remember, “Um, she said everyone calls her Moira but he name is actually Moirai… or something like that?” Clarke butchered the name when she pronounced it which is why Raven didn’t catch it at first.

 

“ _Moirai_? Are you fucking kidding me?” Raven stood up from the couch with a look of both wonder and confusion painted on her face.

 

“Baby, what are you talking about?” Anya asked and tugged on Raven’s hand.

 

Raven walked over to Anya’s home computer which was set up on a desk near the kitchen. Anya worked from home a lot and said she needed the counter space so she put her desk by the kitchen table. It bewildered Anya why she didn’t just get a bigger apartment with an office but she stopped pushing that conversation when they got engaged and Anya agreed to look for a new place together.

 

Raven began furiously typing away and pulled up a Wikipedia article. Everyone moved closer to see what Raven was frantically pointing at. “The woman you met, Clarke, the figures you met on the street, Lex… are the Moirai or _The Fates_. And Clarke, I think you met Klotho, because you mentioned her aimlessly spinning a red string around her fingers. Or… perhaps she is all three and all three are her…” Raven’s hands reached up to brace her skull like her own mind had just been blown.

 

Clarke and Lexa just stared at each other. There was just no simple way of explaining THIS anymore. There was clearly something BEYOND them, beyond their universe that existed, whether it be God, Buddha, Krishna, Osiris, Allah, etc. It wasn’t for Lexa and Clarke to decide but to rather spend their lives in reverence for Fate allowing them to continue to find each other through time.

 

\---

Fall approached quickly and it was already beginning to turn to winter.

 

Lexa and Clarke decided, again, not to come out publicly with their relationship so that they could firmly get their feet back on the ground as a couple. Clarke wanted to make sure she was 100%, or close to it, before getting into a relationship with someone whose mere presence in her life could possibly trigger her PTSD or another panic attack.

 

However, both girls quickly learned that sometimes it really was easy as cake.

 

“So, Lex…” Clarke stared at her sleeping girlfriend, noting every freckle on her nose.

 

“Mmmm,” Lexa was still half asleep on this particular Saturday morning. It was strange that Clarke was up before her but she couldn’t bring herself to fully open her eyes. Perhaps it was because Clarke wore her out the night before.

 

“I was thinking… that maybe… for Christmas…”

 

“Mmhmm…”

 

“That my grandparents could come to New York and you could meet them. And maybe we could all go to the tree lighting together… like together-together…”

 

Lexa’s green eyes popped open and were immediately met by earnest, blue orbs. A smile crept across Lexa’s face, causing wrinkles in the corners of her sleepy eyes. Truly, this was all Lexa had wanted for Christmas. She wanted to be able to take Clarke out to all of her favorite places, she wanted to whisk Clarke away for vacations in Thailand and Sweden, and not be burdened with planning everything to a ‘T’. But Lexa waited for Clarke. The brunette had been perfectly patient and never put an ounce of pressure on Clarke.

 

However, Clarke could tell that Lexa was ready to be a family, she was ready for the house, the minivan, the soccer games, and the music lessons. Lexa never said so but Clarke knew. It was written all over Lexa’s face, it was in the way her knees went weak when they talked about baby names, when they walked to the kids toy section at Target, and in her eyes when Clarke called her daddy in bed and purred for Lexa to cum inside her.

 

Clarke loved finding new kinks of Lexa’s that she had yet to discover about herself but this one in particular revealed a lot about Lexa wanting a family of her own.

 

Clarke was madly in love with the brunette and it dawned on her that there was no reason for her to wait. She didn’t want to wait. Clarke only ever had one deep, dark secret from Lexa and those beans spilled a long time ago. There was nothing holding Clarke back except herself and the insecurity she had about losing Lexa. But this morning, the way Lexa looked with her brown hair cascading across her bare shoulders - this was it for Clarke. The woman in front of her, sharing her bed, was the woman she was going to spend eternity with and there was no sense in waiting any longer.

 

“You mean it?” Lexa asked with stars in her eyes.

 

“I love you, Lexa. I want you to meet my family because I want you to BE my family. You are so beautiful, so smart, and so kind... I want to build a life with you, I want to marry you, and I want to have babies with you. I love you. I always have.”

 

Tears trickled from Lexa’s eyes as she pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lips. “I love you too. I love you so, so much, Clarke.” They kissed for several long moments but the sleepiness overtook Lexa again. She leaned back down and snuggled back into her her fluffy pillows.

 

Clarke couldn’t stand it though. She was awake already and she was bored and all she wanted to do was tease Lexa about her Christmas present. “My present is going to be better than yours.”

 

Lexa huffed before murmuring into her pillow, “Not. Possible.”

 

“No. Lex. Don’t even pretend. You have no idea and it’s going to BLOW your gift out of the water,” Clarke confidently placed her arms behind her head and she leaned back against the headboard.

 

Lexa sat up abruptly in the bed, pretending she was angry for being forcefully awakened but then the smile on her face grew, “Clarke, you’re going to just DIE when you see what I got you.”

 

Clarke sat up to match Lexa’s intense stare. The girls were eye-to-eye, “I...doubt...it.” Clarke jutted her jaw forward to challenge the brunette.

 

They were terrible at surprises. They both loved buying gifts for each other and hated keeping secrets. Clarke once bought Lexa a new coat. She was going to give it to her that weekend but was too excited so she drove to Woods Corporation and delivered it to her in person on the same day.

 

Lexa dotes on Clarke and shows up with bags of her favorite candy or a latte multiple times a week. There was no doubt that their first Christmas together was going to be extravagant.

 

“You’re NEVER going to guess what it is, Clarke, so you best just give up now” Lexa challenged.

 

“Oh, I bet I could in three guesses!”

 

“No way! It’s been right in front of you this entire time and you’ve not even seen it!”

 

Clarke gasped and started looking around.

 

“No! You can’t LOOK for it! It has to happen naturally!”

 

Clarke smiled brightly and stared at Lexa’s sweet, soft lips. “Wh-what if we give each other our gifts now?”

 

“Clarke! Thanksgiving was literally YESTERDAY! It’s too early to trade gifts.”

 

“I know, I know… I just… I’m excited to… share it… with you.”

 

They stared into each other’s eyes. The teasing melted and the moment flourished with excitement and romance. The longer they looked at each other, the bigger their smiles grew and their resolve melted away. The blissful joy between them was infectious.

 

“FINE!” Lexa pretended to be mad that Clarke was ‘making’ her give up her gift early. Clarke immediately started squealing. “It’s in the living room so you have to come with me.”

 

Lexa led the way down the steps, traversed her kitchen, and led Clarke to the Christmas tree which was set up between the spiral staircase and the fireplace. Lexa reached for an item that hung on the tree like an ornament. “I told you it was right in front of your face. It was here...” Lexa turned around and saw Clarke behind her, down on one knee, “...the whole time.” Lexa’s mouth hung open and she was completely shocked.

 

From Clarke’s finger dangled a piece of red thread and tied to that thread was a silver ring with hammered gold inlay.  
  
“Lexa, will you - wait… what the fuck is that?” Clarke pointed to the red ball of yarn that Lexa had rolled into an ornament and attached to it was a round, antique diamond ring.

 

“It - it was my mother’s… What is THAT?” Lexa pointed at Clarke’s finger.

 

Clarke stood up, both women still in complete shock, “It… it was my dad’s but I had them add the silver on the outside.” They both clutched the rings they knew they were about to exchange but neither had truly asking the other to marry them yet.

 

Their eyes finally met, triggering a smile like never before. Lexa threw her arms around Clarke’s neck, lept into her arms, and wrapped her legs around the blonde’s waist. Clarke reacted quickly and held Lexa there, burying her face between the brunette’s neck and shoulder.

 

Clarke took a moment to breathe in the way Lexa smelled. She wanted to remember every specific part of this moment for the rest of her life. She gently set Lexa down back onto her feet and they both promptly began wiping shared tears from their own faces. Once their faces were relatively dry again, they both began laughing with pure joy. Clarke stated, “I don’t think we need to fight over who gets to claim they asked first. I can only assume we both know what the answer will be so why don’t we just share the credit?”

 

Lexa offered Clarke an incredulous stare, “That’s very diplomatic of you, baby… so unlike you.” Clarke’s eyebrows raised at the teasing dig.

 

Clarked murmured between kisses, “It’s obviously me because I did get on one knee so…”

 

Lexa was leaning in to give her girlfriend a kiss but promptly leaned away with a gasp, “You didn’t give me a chance to!”

 

Clarke pressed another kiss to Lexa’s lips before they could continue arguing. When they finally pulled away, realizing they hadn’t exchanged anything yet, the moment began to fill with anxiousness.

 

“Um - Lex? May I - may I see it?” she asked shyly. Lexa immediately imagined a seven-year-old, blonde haired, blue eyed child asking her grandparents politely if she could just touch all the presents under the Christmas tree. The thought of their children, one day, doing the same sent a warm shiver down to the brunette’s toes.

 

“Oh! Yeah! Of course,” Lexa shakily reached for Clarke’s left hand. The blonde smiled and glanced into Lexa’s green eyes. Lexa had suddenly been overcome by nerves. Clarke reached up and placed her right hand on Lexa’s cheek trying to reassure her and calm her nerves. Lexa smiled and leaned into the warm palm as she slid the engagement ring on her fiancee’s finger. Once it was in place, Clarke removed her hand to get a close look at the ring. The metal design was so intricate and detailed, it took Clarke’s breath away.  
  
“It - it’s been in my family since 1918 when my great-great-grandfather proposed to Alexandra Adaline Scott,” Lexa smiled sweetly but her eyes never left the ring. “It’s been passed down through several generations of strong, brilliant women. I’ve kept it locked away because it carries a great deal of sentimentality to me...” Lexa’s eyes flitted to Clarke’s confirming that she never gave it Costia. “It was my mother’s, it was mine, and now it’s yours.”

 

It was too much. “ _What if I lost it? What if a stone fell out? I couldn’t bear it!”_ Clarke thought. She began to open her mouth to protest.

 

Lexa stopped her by speaking first, “Clarke, this ring has a legacy and is deserving of someone who will  honor that legacy with respect and reverence - someone who elevates herself. It feels SO right to me that you be the first woman to wear it after my mother.” Lexa looked up to meet Clarke’s bewildered stare, “She would have loved you, Clarke.” Tears were brimming in the green eyes.

 

Clarke smiled brilliantly as she placed both hands on Lexa’s shoulders. Her face was a satisfying mix of gratitude and excitement when she leaned in for a sweet kiss. “I’m so honored, Lexa. Truly.”

 

Lexa gulped realizing it was her turn to receive what was soon to be her favorite Christmas gift ever. Clarke untied the ring from its fine, red string and slid it on Lexa’s finger. Of course it fit perfectly. Lexa stared at it a little harder, her eyes flitting to Clarke’s right hand, and then to Clarke’s waiting eyes.

 

“Your father’s ring?” Lexa asked with concern. Lexa was correct in thinking that Clarke had  never taken the ring off the chain around her neck since the day she put it on. That is, until she decided to give it to her future wife.

 

Clarke smiled as she watched Lexa admire it. “It was Dad’s but you already figure that out. I wanted something that was befitting of your though so I had the jeweler hammer the gold out and lay that inside a silver ring - not too sparkly but not too masculine. Just like you.” Clarke threw a teasing wink to Lexa, prompting a smile in return.

 

Lexa was incredibly emotional and taken back by the ring. Not only was it her father’s but Clarke understood Lexa on such a level that she had a ring MADE for her. And it was perfect - of course it was. Lexa swore she would never take it off.

 

Lexa finally looked up from the ring, “It’s so perfect, Clarke. It is a privilege to carry a piece of your parent’s marriage with me forever.”

 

Clarke threaded both her hands through Lexa’s hair, pulling her in for a deep kiss. Lexa placed her left hand behind her neck and the other at her lower back. Lexa placed her forehead’s to Clarke’s, “Fiancee.” She whispered it through an unyielding smile.

 

Clarke noticed something moving out the corner of her eye. With a gasp, “Lex! It’s snowing!” It was indeed - the first snow of the season. Both girls ran to the bench under the window and looked outside at the snow like bewildered children.

 

They eventually met each other’s stare and matched their smiles. Lexa’s eyes suggestively moved towards the couch. Clarke offered a silent refusal. Lexa was disappointed for only a moment before she watched Clarke nod toward the Christmas tree. Lexa’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

 

They both stood with lightning speed. Lexa immediately started closing the curtains as Clarke wasted no time getting naked. The brunette turned and saw her very naked, very gorgeous fiancee standing next to the tree. It was like looking at Clarke for the first time again. Lexa will never forget how her heartbeat from her chest when she saw those golden locks through the shop window.

 

Clarke became slightly shy beneath Lexa’s intense gaze, “What are you thinking about, babe?”

 

“You are so beautiful, Clarke. You are so, so beautiful.” Lexa said it with such conviction that Clarke felt a lump in her throat.

 

“Lex - I…” before Clarke’s lips could respond, Lexa captured them. Both women sharply sucked in air through their nostrils, refusing to release this kiss. Clarke helped Lexa strip from her clothes and they slowly sank to the floor.

 

Lexa climbed on top of Clarke, their legs entangled, and they began grinding into one another. It was warm, it was sweet, it was earth shattering. They were so close, so connected - the emotions and sensations that ran through Lexa’s body were shared with Clarke’s - it was like nothing either woman had experienced.

 

“I’m so close, Clarke,” Lexa cried into the blonde’s hair.

 

“ _Fuck_. Me too.” Clarke dug her fingers into Lexa’s ass, pushing the brunette’s hips harder into her own. Lexa’s arms snaked beneath Clarke’s shoulders, allowing her to pull herself deeper and harder into Clarke.

 

The connection they were sharing was fire in their blood. It was ultimate pleasure beyond physicality, it was infinite commingling of their spirits. It was The 100 lives they’ve lived before meeting again for one brief moment in an eternity of beginnings and endings.

 

They continued pleasuring themselves on each other’s bodies but then Clarke began whispering something familiar to Lexa’s ears, “ _In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again.”_

 

Lexa craned her neck back for a moment. Clarke’s eyes were screwed shut but tears were pouring from the corners. Something overtook Lexa, “Clar _k_ e.” The blonde’s eyes popped open and they were a piercing blue.

 

Lexa didn’t know how she was saying it but she understood why she was saying it. “Clar _k_ e, I told you my soul would choose wisely.”

 

Like the snap of someone’s fingers, it felt like the sun had burst beneath their skin, like the earth shattered and then repaired itself around them. A hundred lives before and after collided at once. Lexa and Clarke both lurched forward as their pleasure reached its peak.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Lexa choked out. “I’m so sorry you had to watch me die.”

 

Clarke clung to Lexa as tight as her muscles would allow, “I found you. I finally found you.”

 

They remembered.

 

**The End ( _tentatively_  ) **


End file.
